Chapter 53 CHAPTER FORTY-ONE SECOND PART
ALEX
The second the door closes behind her, I punch the wall. Then punch it again. And again. Until my knuckles are bleeding and there's a crater in the stone.
She left.
My mate walked out that door, and I let her go.
Every cell in my body is screaming to go after her. To drag her back here where she belongs. Where I can keep her safe.
But I don't.
Because she's right.
I can't think rationally when it comes to her safety. Can't separate my protective instincts from strategic thinking. The bond has made me more dangerous, more volatile.
And twelve wolves are dead because packs came hunting for what's mine.
I sink onto the bed, my head in my hands. Through the bond, I feel her moving through the pack house. Feel her knock on Sarah's door. Feel her relief when Sarah lets her in.
At least she's safe. At least she's still in the pack house where guards can protect her.
But it's not enough. My wolf is pacing, snarling, demanding I go retrieve our mate.
"Shut up," I mutter to him. "She needs space. We're giving it to her."
He doesn't care. All he knows is that our mate is somewhere we can't see her. Can't touch her. Can't protect her.
A knock on my door makes me tense. "What?"
Marcus enters, his expression worried. "I heard she left."
"For one night." I don't look at him. "She needed space to think."
"And you let her go." He sounds surprised. "That's... progress, I guess."
"Don't." I lift my head to glare at him. "Don't act like this is a good thing. Every second she's away feels like dying."
"I know." He sits in the chair across from me. "But Alex, you need to consider that maybe she has a point. About the bond affecting you."
"Not you too."
"Hear me out." He leans forward. "I've known you since we were kids. I've seen you at your best and your worst. And the way you're acting now—this possessiveness, this inability to let her out of your sight—it's not entirely you."
"The bond—"
"Is making you more intense, yes. But it's also making you blind to everything except keeping her safe." His voice is gentle. "The berserker rage today wasn't just about the battle. It was about her being in danger. And you couldn't control it."
His words hit too close to the truth I've been avoiding.
"What am I supposed to do?" I ask, my voice rough. "Tell her to leave? Give her up to save my pack? That's not a choice I can make."
"Maybe not." Marcus stands, moving to the window. "But you need to at least acknowledge the bond is influencing you. Admit you're struggling with control. Because right now, the pack sees an Alpha in denial. And that scares them more than the bond itself."
"I'm not in denial."
"Aren't you?" He turns to face me. "Alex, you just let your mate walk out that door even though every instinct is screaming at you to stop her. You're sitting here bleeding from punching walls. You can barely breathe without knowing where she is." His eyes are sympathetic. "That's not normal, even for a mated Alpha."
"Then what do I do?" The question tears out of me. "How do I lead when I can't think past keeping her safe? How do I make strategic decisions when the bond is constantly pulling at me?"
"I don't know." Marcus's honesty hurts. "But you need to figure it out. Because three weeks from now, six packs are coming. And if you can't control the berserker rage in battle, if you lose yourself again..." He doesn't finish the sentence.
He doesn't need to. We both know what happens if I lose control with six packs attacking. How the battle could turn while I'm too lost in rage to lead. How many of my own wolves could be left vulnerable.
"Talk to her tomorrow," Marcus says. "Really talk. Not about the bond or the war or what everyone else thinks. Talk about what you both need to survive this."
After he leaves, I lie back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Through the bond, I feel Alora's guilt. Her fear. Her love for me mixed with terror of what we're becoming.
She's right to be afraid.
I am losing control. The bond is affecting me more than I want to admit. And if I don't figure out how to manage it, how to separate my protective instincts from my responsibilities as Alpha, we're both doomed.
Just like every blood-wolf and Alpha pairing before us.
I close my eyes, focusing on the bond. On her heartbeat syncing with mine even from across the pack house. On the warmth of her presence in my mind.
One night, she said. One night to think without me hovering.
I can give her that.
Even if it kills me.
Even if every second feels like an eternity.
Because maybe Marcus is right. Maybe acknowledging I'm struggling is the first step to actually dealing with it.
Maybe.
But as I lie here alone, feeling her absence like a physical wound, I can't help but wonder if we're already past the point of no return.
If the bond has already won.
And if there's any way to save ourselves from the fate we've been running toward since the moment we met.