Chapter 61 Hear me out
>>Amara
The feeling of being left out was a bitter pill to swallow. It was as if I were an invisible observer in a room filled with vibrant interactions. With each interaction that dismissed or overlooked me, my self-esteem took another blow. Doubts began to creep into my mind, questioning my worth and place in this social landscape.
Maybe I shouldn't have come...
A sense of loneliness settled in, accentuated by the laughter and conversations that seemed to echo all around me. I longed to be a part of those moments, to contribute and be acknowledged. Each time my attempts at interaction were met with indifference, it felt like a rejection, a reminder that my presence didn't matter in that space.
I should have listened to Grace. This is what she meant when she said I would have difficulty fitting in... I wasn't like the others...
Though my heart grew heavy with disappointment, I didn't want to give up immediately.
Not every interaction is the same, there is bound to be someone who would be ready to talk to me, right? Not every person would be receptive. It took me a lot of courage to attend the party in the first place, I shouldn't just leave, right?
I nodded at myself but despite my best efforts to remain resilient, the constant feeling of being left out took its toll on my emotional well-being. It was as if a cloud of isolation had settled over me, casting a shadow on the flickering lights and the infectious energy of the party.
I looked around, but no one was ready to even meet my eyes. In that moment, I felt invisible, unheard, and disconnected from the vibrant world unfolding before me. It made me feel so bad that I felt like crying.
My chest began to tighten up and I felt like a fool.
I gritted my teeth and I felt embarrassed. I looked towards the door, there was no sign of Nico. Is he not coming? I looked at my phone, there were no texts from him either.
Each passing moment was making me miserable, So I stood up to leave.
This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come. I feel like more of an outcast than before. I moved my chair back to make space to get out of there when someone came and stood right behind my chair, not allowing me to leave.
'Excuse me,' I said softly, doing my best to keep myself from crying. I didn't want to raise my head since I didn't want anyone to see my face.
"What?" He didn't get what I said and of course he wouldn't because I didn't say anything, I just mouthed the words, I couldn't voice them.
I took a deep breath to encourage myself, then looked up, to gesture to him to move aside. But I stopped as soon as I started when my eyes landed on the guy in front of me.
My heart skipped a beat when I noticed him and my wolf came alive. Jumping at his sight.
Killian.
He stared at me, then frowned, "What's wrong?" He had his brows knitted, "Why do you look so distressed?" As soon as he said that I looked away, "Hey!" He grabbed my face and made me look at him, "What's wrong?"
I wasn't expecting to just grab my face like that, it clouded my mind with anxious thoughts.
"Hey!!!" The people behind me recognized him, "Killian!!!" Jake stood up and so did Amy, "Gosh! You're here too?!"
"Killian?"
"That Killian?" Apparently he was famous.
"Ah! Hi" The sudden attention got him confused and I took the opportunity to remove his hand from my face as he awkwardly waved at them. He noticed what I was doing but I didn't want to be near him.
"Hey! Killian!" Jake somehow magically appeared beside him and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him back and allowing me to move the chair and get out.
"Wait! Wait Jake!" Killian had his eyes on me and he got out of Jake's arm to move towards me when Amy blocked his path.
"Killian! I've been wanting to talk to you," Though fleeting, I saw the sparkle in her eyes when she approached him, followed by the others. In a matter of seconds, he was surrounded while the same crowd that went around him pushed me out of the way and I found myself in a lone corner.
...
It was a sad feeling, but I learned my lesson. Even though I was pushed out and even though many people saw he was talking to me, no one cared, they just wanted me out of the picture and thus here I was.
Out of the picture.
I looked back and noticed Killian effortlessly blending in with the people around him. It seemed as though he effortlessly navigated conversations, laughter, and social interactions, seamlessly fitting into the vibrant tapestry of college life.
The green monster of envy gnawed at my insides as I watched him. He was still trying to look for me, his eyes darting around, yet he could also talk smoothly with everyone at the same time.
It was disheartening to witness him effortlessly immerse himself in the social fabric, while I stood on the sidelines, feeling like an outsider.
The whole scenario made the weight of my own insecurities grow heavier. The comparisons between his social prowess and my own struggles to connect intensified my feelings of inadequacy.
If I had to say that there was a spotlight on me, it was the spotlight highlighting how much I lacked.
I clenched my fists and pursed my lips. The feelings of anxiety and suffocation started gnawing at me and I turned my head around and ran out.
I didn't want anyone to see me cry, I didn't want to cry, but on the way back, even though I tried, a tear or two slipped out.
Oh man...
I stared at my bicycle in disbelief.
This is the worst.
This is the first time I've stayed this late in college and all because we had a party for the freshmen. The restaurant was pretty close to the college so I got back fast.
I looked up at the orange sky, the sun was setting. I looked down at my bike which had a broken chain.
Could this day get any worse?
I shook my head in disbelief while I stood at the bicycle parking stands shelter.
It was fine this morning when I rode it here but when I started riding it to take it back home, the chain suddenly broke and came off
I looked around.
The place was almost empty.
I mean right, no one wants to stay in school more than necessary.
Should I text Grace? She'll come for me right away. I wiped my eyes before the tears came out and then looked at the sky to take a deep breath
"What's wrong?" A familiar voice made my ears perk up and I looked toward the motorbike shelter which was right across from the bicycle shelter, "You look worried."
Killian was on his Ducati with his helmet between his legs and one hand over it while the other was on the bike handle. He was looking in my direction and it made my heart jump. Did he follow me back? He was surrounded by people, how did he escape?
I glanced at his bike, well, that would have brought him here in a minute.
I immediately shook my head at him but I couldn't convey my words to him.
He got off his bike and started coming over. I raised my hands to signal to him that I didn't need his help but he ignored my shaking hands and head and still came over and stood in front of me, his tall figure towering over mine.
I gulped and clasped my hands together to compose myself. I was already distressed enough, and he had to come to me again.
"Amara," He called my name, making me jump. My wolf howled in excitement and I slowly raised my head to look at him, "Just hear me out, okay?" He looked at me with what looked like sincere eyes, "Just trust me once and hear me out, okay?"
Fear surged through my veins, reminding me of the times when trust had been shattered and vulnerabilities exploited. I couldn't help but question his motives, wondering if he too would let me down or cause further harm. The uncertainty clouded my judgment, making it difficult to differentiate between genuine care and potential danger.
"Come with me," He grabbed my hand to take me somewhere but his actions just tugged on my anxiety.
I got scared
"Let's go?" He tugged lightly on my wrist and I lost it.
No!
I panicked and slapped him across his face, leaving him baffled and confused but even before the idea of what I had done set in, I turned around and ran away.