Chapter 38 Reasons
>>Mael
I felt my eyes sting as I tried to fight back the tears that were brimming in my eyes, ready to flow out at any moment.
I pursed my lips and tried to speak but my emotions chose to speak first. I was once again reminded that I was a sinner. A criminal. Someone who took away an innocent life. And I could no longer control it. Being asked if I was a murderer directly was a blow in the gut.
These feelings have been locked inside of me for far too long and now that someone has asked me about my sin, I got an emotional outburst.
My vision became blurry and tears started rolling down my cheeks. I couldn’t even suppress my voice and began to sniffle as I cried. My breathing immediately became unstable and my shoulders trembled as I let out my feelings.
I guess these tears were due for a very long time.
“Hey, hey!” Eli rushed over to me, “Hey…” He took my hands in his, “Why are you crying?”
“I did,” I cried harder as the reality of my actions hit me hard once again, “I did,” Especially because now I was admitting to the crime, “I killed him!” I bawled louder, “I’m so sorry!” I sniffled, unable to stop myself, I just let myself cry, “I killed Mael!”
Eli looked stressed as he watched me. My face started getting red and a frown appeared on his face but he looked troubled. In the end, he sighed and pulled me into his embrace. He picked me up in his arms and took me to the couch where I cried on his chest.
I should be feeling like shit, even worse now that someone else knows that I’m a murderer but the scent of rain, the cool cozy pheromones, and his warmth stayed with me, calming me. He was against the couch arm, half laying on the seat while I had my face buried in his chest.
After I calmed down, I removed my face from his shirt that had the proof of my breakdown on it and looked at Eli. I sat between his legs and he straightened up a little.
He placed his hands on my cheeks and wiped the tears away, “Have you calmed down now?”
I shook my head in a ‘no’, but I felt a lot better than before.
“No?” He smiled softly and I sniffled, then shook my head again lightly. He wiped my cheeks dry and then pulled me in a hug.
It was so calming being right next to him. I didn’t want to let go. I felt butterflies in my stomach mixed with a sense of peace.
I hugged him back. It was almost as if I loved his touch. There was nothing that could be compared to it.
…
I love his touch?
I broke the hug and backed away a little to look at him in shock but his expression didn’t change.
I shook my head and focused on the matter at hand.
What now? I looked down as I placed my hands on his chest.
“What is it?” He asked
“You know another one of my secrets now,” I said softly, “I feel vulnerable.”
“Don’t worry,” He smiled softly and I glanced up at his face, “I’m not telling anyone.” He pulled me closer to him, between his thighs, with my hands on his chest, enough that I could feel him yet look at his face. He had his arms around my back and I didn’t mind it. In fact, I liked it a lot. Being with him made me feel safe.
!!!
What is wrong with me?
Why am I suddenly feeling things I never have before? And for Eli?
Moreover, I can feel my wolf now. She’s not doing anything but I can feel her.
She comes alive whenever I’m with him…
I gulped and decided to speak.
“You said, you knew I was a girl and an omega from the start.” I fiddled with my thumbs that rested on his chest and he noticed, “How?”
“I already told you,” He answered, “Because I knew the real Mael.”
“Yea but that’s how you knew I wasn’t him, how’d you know the other stuff…”
He smiled, “Curious?” I nodded softly and a sly smirk spread across his face, “I won’t say it.”
“Why not!?” My eyes went wider and I got nervous.
“I’ll give you the answers.” He replied calmly.
“Then do,”
“But I’ll give them to you when you give me what I want.” He drew his face closer to me, making me panic.
“A-and what’s that?” I was very conscious of his lips coming closer to mine.
“I know you’re feeling it now.” He smirked, “I know you’ll know.” He removed the distance between our mouths further, “I know you’ve started feeling it.” I started getting nervous, “And when you tell me,” He whispered, “When you find me.” His warm warmth made my skin stand up, “I’ll tell you everything.” I felt my cheeks flare up
He was so close now and I really want him to kiss me. I want his lips on mine, in fact, my gaze was stuck on his lips while he stared at me.
My heart pounded in my chest, my cheeks started flushing and he smirked when he saw that. Then, he brought my hand and placed it on my cheek, and kissed me.
I felt electrified, the butterflies in my stomach scratched my chest as well. I felt like I could just melt onto him. My hands that were on his chest clenched his shirt as I felt my breath being taken away. It felt so good that even my wolf howled in my mind. She was so happy that it gave me a sense of dread.
It was a soft kiss, nothing rough yet it was sensual. He tried to move away but I leaned in to continue. I didn’t want to be away. I moved my hands further to wrap around his neck and I felt him smirk at my actions.
He understood what I wanted and kept it going a little more.
When we parted our lips he looked at me with a sly expression while I brought my hands back to his chest. Since it was so early there wasn’t much noise anywhere and it felt like the space belonged only to us.
“If you’re confused,” He said, “Focus on your wolf.” He kissed my cheek, making me flush even more.
I pursed my lips and nodded.
Somewhere inside of me, something was stirring.
I kept fiddling with my thumbs and he kept looking at it.
“Mael?” He let out a chuckle, “Ask me,” He looked at me, “What you really want to ask.”
!!!
My heart skipped a beat and then came the unease with it. I gulped and looked down.
“Doesn’t it disturb you…?” I whispered, “I confessed to a murder.”
He smiled softly and then softly took my hands in his, “I have a feeling there’s a story behind it.” He looked at me with clear eyes.
But he was wrong if he was thinking that it happened in an accident or something like that.
“But!” I was frustrated, “It won’t change the facts!” I was anxious and perturbed. I was afraid that even when he knows the truth, he’ll see me as a monster.
I didn’t want that.
Not now! Not when there’s something awaking inside me. Something entirely because of him.
I don’t want him to hate me!
He kissed my forehead, immediately calming me down, “Whenever you’re ready to tell me, I’ll listen.”
…
Silence persisted in the room, the sun was now shining its rays down on earth violently but I didn’t know what to say.
“I-” I had just started when my thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing. We both turned our heads toward the table where the phone was.
A sense of doom began to loom over me because I had a very good idea who that call was from. I slowly stood up from the couch and went to pick up the phone, then answered the call.
“Come home.” Dad demanded as soon as I answered, “Right now!” He was angry.
I knew trouble awaited me yet I nodded, “Yes….”