Chapter 32 I hate you
>>Mael
I believe I have enough on my plate. I’ve got so many things I already have to deal with. Especially Rachel. She’s beyond furious at the moment. Anything I do wrong makes her angry. It’s understandable. I have a duty to fulfill after all.
I made my way back to the dorm room.
Anything that could jeopardize my identity and thus the reputation of my family is wrong and I should be careful but I went ahead and did something so stupid.
I reached my room and opened the door to go inside.
Why? Why did I do that?
Just thinking about Eli makes me feel weird. I had no idea I was attracted to him. I had no idea that even my wolf fancied him, enough to come back alive. Is she desperate for a mate? But we can’t have one…
I closed the door behind me and walked in.
Eli and I have had a strange relationship all these years. We met at parties and gatherings all the time, we even had interactions but none of them were friendly. In the beginning, I was mostly scared of everyone, so I avoided the interactions altogether, yet he found ways to approach and annoy me.
I stopped in the living room even when I saw Eli come out of the bedroom. He had changed out of the uniform and our eyes met.
Even now, I look at him and I feel so attracted to him. My heart starts to pound when I think too much about him. And after that passion-filled kiss- no make-out session we had, I feel like something inside of me is awakening.
I’m scared. I’m so scared. I feel like the reality I’ve spent years building is going to collapse now. And that is terrifying. And it all seems to be falling apart because I came to the Alpha Academy. On top of that, I can’t understand anything related to Eli.
What is he doing to me? Why did he kiss me? Does he actually like me? Even though I’m a man?
We awkwardly stared at each other, not sparing a word, unsure what to even say.
He said it on the trip.
‘“I don’t care,” He growled when he said those words “I don’t give a shit about your gender. I never have and never will.”
Goosebumps were all over my body after I remembered that. My skin stood up and I started feeling queasy. I felt my eyes start stinging as the anxiety in me began to bubble up.
I can’t seem to help myself. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like going over to him and wrapping myself into his embrace?
He even said he wanted to make love to me.
My heart skipped a beat as I recalled his words.
But he also said it was fun to do that. Just what does this man want? Is it just his way to annoy me? To tease me? Is it all funny to him?
“Mael?” He looked concerned but my frown only got deeper and my feelings kept getting messier.
This jerk!
This is all his fault. I wouldn’t have gotten a beating if he didn’t kiss me at the party.
Tears brimmed in my eyes as my head spun. I was already dizzy to begin with, plus the pain from the beating was there too, but now I have so many emotions to deal with, I don’t know what to do.
“Mael, are you alright?” He took a few steps toward me when I chose to speak.
“I hate you,” I glared at him and he froze, “I hate you so much.” His eyes went wide in shock like he had heard something that would kill him. The tears I didn’t want to show him came pouring out as I conveyed those words to him, “Everything goes wrong because of you!” And I started crying.
Tears streamed down my cheeks nonstop but there was something else there too. I heard my wolf get hurt inside me. She was hurt because I told Eli I hated him.
“I-” He looked hurt, “I didn’t mean to-” There was a lot of pain on his face but he looked equally confused as well, “I’m sorry,”
“About what!!?” I yelled at him, “What are you sorry about!?”
“...” He gulped, “I don’t know how to convey it to you.”
“What?!” I sniffled, “You’re always playing around, always messing with me!” I was so frustrated, I decided to let all my feelings out, “You mess with me all the time, you’re rough at so many places and you’re playing with my feelings!!”
He got a little agitated, “Is this about what happened at your house, at the courtyard!?” He looked directly at me, “You started that!”
“Well, you could have pushed me away!!” I roughly cleaned my cheeks as if it was going to help. My tears showed no sign of stopping and my cheeks were wet as if they had never been dried, “You’ve been bullying me since we were kids. Is it fun for you!!” I gasped as I let out a loud sound, “Is my misery funny to you!!”
“Well, you shouldn’t have started it then, you kissed my neck first!”
“What about what you did on the trip!” I screamed back at him, “Or after the after party, you kissed me first there!!” I think I was dehydrated too and after yelling and crying, my condition only got worse.
I already keep so much bottled up inside of me. Why is the world testing me like this? Just how am I supposed to last?
“You think it’s easy for me?” Eli’s expression became more pained, “You’re blaming me, fine, I’ve done things to you but I’ve never really harmed you. I know the things I’ve done but none of them were harmful and I never crossed a line.”
“You made me into an abnormal!” I screamed, “Because of you everyone pointed fingers at me.”
“You are abnormal!” He finally yelled back making me flinch and shut my mouth, “And people were pointing fingers at you from the start. The only thing I did was give them one thing they could agree upon!”
My head hurt like it was going to split open and the world began to spin around me.
“Why,” I hiccuped, “Why would you do that,” I sniffled and let out a shaky breath, “It’s already hard enough….” My voice started fading.
“Because,” He took a deep breath, “I knew of no better way.” He shook his head, “You chose to stay away from me, avoid me, perhaps,” His lips curled up but his smile was so broken it tugged at the strings of my heart, “Well, you already said you hate me, so how else was I supposed to protect you?”
“What?” I had no more energy to continue the conversation. Everything around me began to go blurry, then it all snapped and my mind went blank.