Chapter 32 — The Premonition

Tess looked at herself in the mirror and smoothed the braid that lay across her head for luck, wondering why she was feeling so out of sorts. She opened a drawer and found a blush-colored lipstick and rolled it over her lips. The stress of their lover’s quarrel showed on her face.

 Richard had seemed obsessed with her—controlling. It occurred to her that Richard would have a double life with rowdy friends, and she would not be a part of it. Nor did she wish to. And tomorrow she would get on a plane with him, his parents, and the Stratford’s and fly to Scotland. She would spend two weeks with his entire family touring Scotland and Ireland. It seemed overwhelming. 

She could hardly move around in the small bathroom in her gown and felt boxed in. She guessed it wasn’t just the bathroom. Tess longed for some peace and wished she could slip away into obscurity—go back to the log cabin after the reception. Oh God, what was she thinking? She was married now and her life would never be the same. The thought was suffocating. Suddenly, Tess was struck by the silence in the old mansion. Even the pipes weren’t clanging. It was too quiet. She had a premonition that something was about to mention. She put her hand on the doorknob and slowly turned it, not knowing what she would find on the other side.

She sighed deeply when there was not a ghost on the other side of the door. But her severe case of jitters didn’t leave her as she walked down the dimly lit hall, holding up her gown, careful not to trip. She saw a movement in the shadows. A man all dressed in black.

 “Who is it?” she asked in a shaky voice.

“It’s only me, Tess,” Sawyer said, moving out of the shadows.

 Tess’s heart pounded in her chest. “My God, what are you doing here?”

 “Daniel asked me to fetch a bottle of good whiskey from the bar,” he said. “I didn’t know you were here.” His expression was one of deep concern when he said, “Are you okay? You had a strange look on your face when you left the table. Are we still friends, Tess?”

 “Yes,” Tess whispered. “I hope we will always be friends.” 

 “I’ve got a wedding gift for you, Tess,” Sawyer said, his expression changing from worry to happy. “The colt is yours. I didn’t name him. I wanted you to name him.”

 Tess bit her lip. That had been one of their most memorable days—the day the wobbly legged colt arrived. She wanted that moment back. She wanted to run to Sawyer and throw her arms around his neck and tell him she’d made a mistake. She wanted the creaky porch swing and the fireflies and the Owl hooting. “Sawyer,” she whispered. “I still love you.”

 “I know you do,” he said in a tender voice. “And I love you. But I can never give you what Richard can give you. He’s solid, Tess. I’m messed up, and you can’t fix me.” 

 Tess fought the dam of tears trying to break through. Sawyer had just repeated Bradley’s words. She didn’t want to believe it, but she knew what she had to do. It was like Bradley said… she had to step out of the picture. “Best friends forever,” she said in a broken voice.

 “Best friends, my ass,” Sawyer said frowning. “I don’t love you as a friend.”

 She was at a loss as to what to do. He’s just given her his most prized possession. She knew how he loved the colt. She felt beholden to Sawyer for everything he’d done. “Why don’t you move into my cabin, Sawyer? I’m not going to be there and it should be lived in.”

 “I can’t do that, Tess,” Sawyer said. “It wouldn’t seem right with you not there. There are too many memories.”

 “I know,” she murmured. “It seemed like we really had something.” She couldn’t let herself go back and reiterate what had gone wrong. She’d grown weary overthinking it, and might have never been able to choose, had it not been for her vivid dreams of Richard that led her back to him whenever she had doubts. Still, her heart felt heavy. She could see the love and longing in Sawyer’s eyes, but love without commitment couldn’t work and she knew it. If you loved someone you had to give it your all. She had an inexplicable urge to kiss him goodbye, and Sawyer must have read it in her face. He pulled her close and his firm lips met hers—his kiss tender and sweet, but it didn’t hold the promise that Richard’s kisses held. 

 “I should go,” Tess said her heart aching. “You take care of yourself, Sawyer. I guess we’ll see each other around when I get back from Scotland. You can always change your mind about the cabin. The key is under the…” 

 “I know where the key is, Tess,” Sawyer said his face full of emotion. “Don’t make it harder than it already is…. I’ll keep an eye on it for you.” He looked away as if searching for answers. When he looked back his dark eyes penetrated hers. “You said goodbye to me at the river, Tess. Don’t say it again. I can’t say goodbye to you… that’s just the way it is. I can’t.”

 Tess bit her lip. The pain she felt at that moment was more than she’d ever felt in her life. She felt like she should say something, but the words stuck in her throat. It was all so difficult. “I’ll call when I get back,” she said. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

 “Don’t worry about me, Tess,” Sawyer said. “I’ll be okay. See you.”

 “See you,” Tess said, wiping away a tear. Her tearful face turned to a look of surprise when Stephanie appeared out of nowhere.

 “Saying your goodbyes?” Stephanie taunted. “God knows it’s difficult. But I’m sure you’ll get over it. You’ve married into a wealthy family, you’ve got my husband, my land, and I know you would love to have Sawyer, too. But he’s the one man you will never have, Tess. He’s mine.”

 “Stephanie’s not well,” Sawyer said. “Go, before she says anymore things that can hurt you.”

 “Don’t let her do this to you, Sawyer.”

 “I’m obliged,” Sawyer said. “We’re family. We’re all in this together.”

 “The Sawyers and the Coopers are thick,” Stephanie said. “I’m going to make your life miserable.”

 Suddenly, Tess saw red. “No, you won’t. Because I won’t let you. The words of a psychotic woman mean nothing to me.”

 Stephanie’s eyes grew enormous and fearful as she looked over Tess’s shoulder, as if she was seeing something horrific.

 “What are you seeing?” Tess quipped. “Are you having another one of your visions? Has the devil come back?”

 “No, it’s not Lucifer. It’s a tall man, all dressed in black. He’s carrying a bloody pitchfork.” Stephanie screamed, and ran out of the room.

 “I’ve got to go,” Sawyer said, making a hasty retreat. “I have to calm her. She’s having another one of her spells.”

 “Go,” Tess said, shaking her head. “You’re right, Sawyer. I can’t fix you.”

Sensing a presence, Tess turned and looked behind her. “Grandfather, I believe you’ve scared the poor girl to death. You can put your bloody pitchfork away. I don’t think she’s going to give me anymore trouble.” 

Tess heaved a sigh, muttering to herself. “Maybe I should go back to the cabin. End this before I get involved further. I’m not sure I’m going to make it with this family. And he has some off-beat friends.” Her wedding dress felt cumbersome. She thought about taking the dress off, and putting on a pair of blue jeans and sneaking away to the log cabin. That’s what she was thinking when she smelled the lilacs.

She heard a raspy voice say…he’s terribly handsome, and eventually you’d get lonely… do you really want to throw it all away? It really could be quite wonderful. 

 “It’s scary,” Tess said. “It’s not the way I planned my life. Do I really want to spend my life surrounded by loud intrusive people who say exactly what they think? Marguerite even told me about her old boyfriend at my wedding. It’s mind boggling.”

Colorful might be a better word, Tess. They are intrusive, but they mean well.

“I can’t let voices in my head make important decisions,” Tess said. “I need a sign. Something bigger.”