I Feel Alive

I Feel Alive
Layla

I pulled away from Sera with a gasp, my entire body vibrating as warmth spread through me. The hunger quieted instantly, replaced by a buzzing in the back of my head. 

I felt light like I could grow wings and fly. 

It was terrifying. 

Blood stained Sera’s neck, and panic twisted through my chest at the sight of it. I stumbled back, wiping at my mouth with shaking hands. “I’m sorry.”

Sera only smiled softly as Maelis steadied her. “It’s okay. It didn’t hurt this time at all.”

This time. 

Guilt curled in my chest, a faint memory of me tasting her blood once before. I nodded at her weakly, words escaping me. I couldn’t form a response as Maelis guided her sister back toward the door. 

She paused before stepping back into the hallway, smiling softly at me. 

“I’ll come visit soon,” she said quietly. “I’ll let you get settled in first.”

I swallowed and managed a small nod. “Okay.”

The door closed behind them, leaving the room in silence once more.

But it wasn’t really silent. I could still hear everything. Everything echoed through me, and I wondered if I would ever experience silence ever again. 

I sat on the edge of the bed, breathing slowly as I tried to understand my own body. Everything felt sharper now. I could feel the fabric beneath my fingertips, every thread against my skin.

I frowned slightly, curling my fingers against the mattress. I didn’t feel weak anymore, not even close. 

I didn’t feel… human. 

Kai watched me carefully from where he stood across the room, like he wasn’t sure if he should come closer or give me space.

I wasn’t sure either what I wanted from him. 

A strange hollowness settled in my chest as I stared down at my hands. They looked the same, but they weren’t. Nothing about me was. I had spent my entire life growing up beside vampires while still believing there would always be a line between us. 

Now that line no longer existed.

I didn’t know if I was mourning my humanity or simply mourning the fact that it had been taken from me before I was ready to let it go. Because the terrifying part was that I understood why Kai had done it. 

My body remembered dying, and if the choice had truly been death or this… would I really have chosen differently?

I didn’t know.

“This is strange,” I admitted quietly.

His shoulders loosened slightly, relieved I was speaking at all. “Yeah.”

I frowned, pressing my lips together. “Do the sounds ever stop?”

“You get used to it.” A faint hint of amusement flickered across his face before it disappeared again beneath the weight of guilt.

It pulsed faintly through the bond, but it still wasn’t as strong as before. But his guilt was palpable, suffocating me with the way he looked at me. 

“Do you think I hate you for this?” I asked softly.

His jaw tightened instantly. “I think you have every reason to.”

I looked down at my hands for a moment, flexing my fingers slowly. “You saved me.”

“I changed you.”

“You saved me,” I repeated, lifting my gaze to his. 

He exhaled sharply, dragging a hand through his already disheveled hair. “Layla—”

“I’m angry,” I admitted before he could continue. “I’m confused. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel right now.”

He stayed silent.

“But I know I didn’t want to die either.”

His expression shifted, eyes avoiding mine. He looked as if he was struggling to stay still. 

The bond flickered a bit brighter between us.

“I thought I lost you,” he said quietly.

The rawness in his voice made my chest tighten. I swallowed hard, pushing myself to my feet again. I crossed the room before I could think too much about it and stopped in front of him.

“I’m right here,” I whispered.

Pain crossed his face instantly, and I lifted my hand, resting it against his chest. “If you would have asked me what I wanted—”

He flinched as if afraid of what I would say. 

I ran my fingers through his hair, down to his neck. “I would have told you yes.”

His eyes widened, snapping to mine. The bond pulsed brighter, stronger. 

Before either of us could say anything else, the door opened again.

I didn’t tense. I didn’t pull away. We had expected that door to open, I had heard the footsteps as they echoed through the hallways. 

Mom stepped inside first, tears in her eyes the second she saw me standing there. She pulled me into her, hardly giving me a moment to react. 

“Oh, my sweet girl,” she whispered against my hair.

Dad was right behind her, one hand gripping my shoulder tightly, waiting for his turn to fully embrace me. Mom didn’t move, and dad held us both, rocking us in his arms. 

Draven lingered near the doorway for all of two seconds before joining in on the hug. 

“You look terrible,” he whispered.

A laugh escaped me, and mom shot him a look, slapping him on his upper arm. “Draven.”

“What?” he muttered. “She does.”

I laughed harder then, the sound surprising even me. For some reason, in the arms of my family, with the knowledge that I’ll get to live life with them all…

Nothing else mattered. 

Mom pulled away and cupped my face, her eyes searching every inch of me. “How do you feel?”

I looked between all of them, then I glanced back at Kai. “I feel alive.”