Tears and her father’s torture

Tears and her father’s torture
Alessandro

I have lost my mind.
I’ll keep losing my mind.
Dreams and visions of Carrie begging me to save her haunt me every time. I’ll let them keep doing that. No matter how crazed I become, I must always remind myself why I must never give up.
I must find her, no matter how long it takes.
It has been a month since Carrie’s disappearance. Every day has been unsettling.
Nothing works, no matter how much we search every fucking corner of this world.
And I have resorted to the lifestyle I walked away from. I couldn’t stop myself because it’s the only survival method I know.
And that need for some survival is the reason I’ll crush the head of this man kneeling before me.
That’s right. I returned to CDP.
But I think I’m regretting it now. Because it’s not stopping me from approaching the brink of insanity.
Slowly, it’s starting to feel like I’ll actually lose Carrie. I need a bigger distraction, something to hold me down, something to fill me with strength.
A gust of unstable breath seeped out of me. I let go of the man on his knees and staggered backwards.
Depression, fear, anxiety… My recent companions sank my heart deeper, and that feeling made my eyes sting.
“Alessandro?” Eduardo stepped in, his gaze briefly falling on the kneeling man who couldn’t stop bawling.
If I didn’t have some restraint, I think I would have joined him.
“Eduardo.”
He sighed, just like he’s been doing a lot these days.
Like me, he’s frustrated that we haven’t found functional leads.
“I’m getting scared, Alessandro.” He crashed into the seat close to me. “The radio silence from whoever took her…” His chest shivered. “What if they-?” He met my gaze, and I warned him not to complete that sentence. “Sister must be in a lot of pain.”
“Eduardo.” I crouched next to him. The film of tears he was fighting gave me an idea of what I looked like at that moment. “We can’t give up.”
“I know.” He nodded and slapped himself. “We can’t. The world is not so large. We will find her.”
I patted his hand and got up.
It’s at times like this that Eduardo is more like a younger brother. I am responsible for him, so I’ll assure him over and over that our search will not end in vain.
Sadly, despite my motivational words to Eduardo, I’m unable to assure myself.
Isn’t that comedic?
“We should search that abandoned hospital again,” I commented.
The last place we tracked Carrie to was a weird hospital at the far end of Venice. There were some signs of life there, but Carrie was not there. Every trace of her ever staying there was perfectly erased.
That was the last clue we had.
Her tracker stopped working after that, and we were left with the option of checking everywhere within and outside Venice. We’ve had many round-trip flights to many cities around the world. Some allies render their help too.
But nothing has worked.
It’s like we’re blind and have no choice but to move recklessly.
But, as I said, we can’t give up.
I won’t give up on Carrie.
My woman — who loves me despite my awful flaws, whose hand I want to hold forever— is waiting for me. I must go to her before it’s too late.
I just pray… that it never becomes too late.
~~~
Carrie
I feel pain. Everywhere.
No matter how much I toss and turn, I feel the pain squeezing and pinching every part of my body.
But… I can feel a greater pain in my heart.
As I toss and turn, I can feel it. The liquid rushing down my legs, the sharp release in my belly, the… the feeling of my baby not being able to hold on to life anymore.
My baby’s leaving me, and I can feel it.
But why?
Why is this happening to us?
Why are we suffering in this dark room where I can’t even find myself?
What terrible thing did I do against my father that he would make us suffer this much?
Why?!
My wail filled the room.
As I let out those tears, I hoped they would drown the loss I was suffering.
They didn’t.
So, I resorted to thinking about how I ended up in this state.
For days, I’d wake up in total darkness. Lethargic and hungry, I was often left to wonder what day or time it was.
But I could never tell. A year might have passed for all I know.
On some days, my father would walk in. With a psycho laugh, he’d yap about disobedience and owning me. Then, he would inject me with that harmful thing, which is definitely what killed my baby. After the injection, I would lose consciousness and wake up after a terribly long sleep, only to continue the same routine.
I am tired.
Very tired.
I want to go home— the one that wows me every time I look at it. I want to be there with Alessandro standing beside me.
Alessandro…
Oh…
Alessandro must be aching right now. His heart must be breaking. I know he’s searching for me, but he must be a mess. He doesn’t like it when things don’t work out.
But if he does find me, how do I tell him that our baby is gone? How… How do I explain that my father killed our baby?
My wails turned worse after those thoughts. I also succumbed to the agony in my body and soul, and with every passing second, crying was the only thing I could do.
So, almost lifeless, a pool of blood between my legs, I cried.
After a long time, with silent sobs and a pain that became so unbearable that I almost couldn’t feel it anymore, the door opened.
I didn’t have the strength to sit up or beg for my life.
The bulb came on, and I briefly imagined what I would see if I could look in a mirror. Thank God there isn’t one in this room; the view would definitely break my heart.
My unblinking sight was soon blocked by my father.
Coldly, he shifted his gaze to my lower body.
I chose to be foolish and hope that he’d pity me and ask Gary to help me up. No.
My father smirked and took a few steps away.
If I weren’t weak, I would have released a bitter laugh.
At this point, I doubt anything else can successfully torture my heart. I’m already suffering the greatest torture ever.
“You finally let it go,” my father remarked. In his tone was disgust, towards my baby and happiness, at my painful loss.
More tears sprouted within me when it hit me harder that it was indeed my father doing these wicked things.
Somehow, minutes later, my curiosity towards my father’s reason for doing this gave me the strength to sit up.
With a long groan, I palmed the wall and used that support to force myself up. If not for the little surge of energy I had gotten, I would have crashed into the bed. But I eventually sat up after some struggle, and purposefully, I trained my eyes not to look at the blood I could feel on my lower body.
“What is it?” my father bitterly asked. “Do you want something? Water?”
“Why?” I was inaudible. I didn’t even hear myself. So, I closed my eyes to channel more strength. “Why?” I slowly opened my eyelids. “Why are you doing this?”
“What?” My father cupped his ear. Then, he looked at Gary and asked, “What’s she saying?”
“Why?!” My raspy, anguished voice screamed. “Why are you doing this to me?!” There was a tremble in my demand. “What did I do wrong that you have to punish my baby too?”
“Are you fucking joking me?” He laughed and moved closer. “Why else would I do this to you? Do you think I gave birth to you only for you to act foolishly? I gave you instructions, but you glaringly violated them. Reason with me, Carrie. You were about to destroy your life. What good father would sit back and watch his daughter make the wrong choice? You stupidly got pregnant; all you had to do was follow my instructions!”
“You…” As I whispered, he knelt and almost pressed his face against mine. “That’s your reason.”
“Your marriage to Frank was your last chance. I was even going to reward you if you stayed married to him for a year. But no…” He leaned back and cackled. “You just had to marry that bastard. You didn’t even bat an eye when I sent Frank to get you. Did that mafia fool teach you to disrespect your father? Huh?”
Over the past few days, I’ve seen so much evil in this man. So, I’m barely bothered by this outburst. I’m also not going to dwell on his silly reason for doing this to me.
“You know what…” I could feel my body spasm with instability, threatening to crash, but I remained firm. “I don’t regret it.”
“You brat, what did you just say?”
“I don’t regret any of it.”
He scoffed and clicked his finger twice, motioning at Gary to move closer.
“It seems you haven’t learnt your lesson.” He stretched his palm to Gary, but the man didn’t react. He looked up at him. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Sir…” Gary sternly replied. “It’s going too far. She’s already overdosed.”
“She’s my daughter. I’ll do whatever I wish with her.”
For a minute, it seemed that Gary was going to retort. But he didn’t.
He quietly handed the syringe to my father, and the next thing I knew, I was tossed back into my cycle of pain, and I slipped into darkness.
This time, it didn’t take long.
And strangely, maybe because I’ve been in it so many times, I found solace in the darkness.
Who knows?
Maybe I’ll find more peace inside it and also a chance to escape this painful moment forever.