Building a home

Building a home
Carrie
I drummed my fingers over the rim of the steering wheel that continued to remain in my grasp.
As I did that, my neck kept craning. I kept my eyes glued on the path Alessandro and Eduardo were supposed to come out of.
But the more I stared at the empty canal, the more my anxiety grew.
According to what they said, they would not spend up to ten minutes in that hall.
Even though I barely have the means to know the time, I can tell that ten minutes have passed, and now my head is contorting dangerous thoughts.
But I was able to ease my concerns with the assurance that the building was yet to explode.
And I…
A loud bang ruined my thoughts.
I forced myself out of the stillness that froze my body and looked up. When I saw the rising evidence of flames coming from where the hall was, my heart raced, my breath tightened, and my hands shivered.
“Alessandro…” My shaky voice called, as though hoping my voice would mix with the heavy air to deliver my anguish to his ears.
That anguish turned worse when another explosion followed.
This one instantly drew a sob out of me.
And it annoyed me that that was all I could do.
With every part of me frightened, I could not find the strength to leave my seat.
I just couldn’t move.
I could only return my blurred sight to the path Alessandro was supposed to come out of.
As I felt the car rock beneath me after another explosion, my crying worsened to the point that I couldn’t see anything anymore.
Why am I so pathetic? Why is crying all I can do?
Why am I messing up this situation with tears when I should be paying attention to Alessandro’s and Eduardo’s arrival?
They assured me already that they’d be fine. When they come, do I intend to drive them to their deaths because I’ve blinded myself with tears?
Those questions and thoughts were all it took to compel my body out of the trance it was in.
Hard and twice, I slapped the back of my head and forced my shaky hands to wipe my tears off till my sight was fairly clear.
A sniffle followed all that, and I returned my gaze to the place it was meant to be focused on.
But my sight was blocked.
By… Alessandro’s familiar height.
“Carrie…” He opened the door on the driver’s side, and the waterfall I just tried to get rid of rushed back.
“Ale…” My lips curled. “Ale… Alessandro.” My voice wobbled into sobs as he crouched in front of me to show me his horribly sooted face. “You… You are fine.”
“Yes, my flower. I’m fine.”
His embrace was the next thing I felt, and the relief that followed had me releasing buckets of tears out of my system. “I am here, Carrie,” he whispered, his pats assuring me. “I’ll never leave you.” My belly warmed as he buried his face in my neck. “Hmm?”
“Alessandro…” My whimpering voice called, and he hugged me tighter.
“Yes, Carrie?”
“Is it…” I swallowed hard and didn’t bother fighting my tears. “Is it over? Is the plan over?”
“There's one thing we have to do.”
“Huh?” I sprang out of his hug, a deep frown on my face. “Alessandro, why on earth do you have such a stupid plan? You almost died back there. What would have happened if-”
“We have to get married.”
My anger collapsed and a brief confusion befell me as if it were my first time hearing his marriage talk. “Eh?”
“That’s the next part of the plan. So…”
The casual lowness of his voice caressed my ears; it made my heart thud. And my lessened tears turned into a shyness that caused me to look away from him.
Alessandro shot sparks into me as his finger rested beneath my chin. He lifted my head so our eyes could meet.
He did not hide behind his usual sternness, his eyes didn’t withhold their shine, and his lips tugged easily into a smile as he said, “Marry me, Carrie Edwards.”
The throbbing of fear that had earlier enveloped me had vanished, and all I could do was stare intensely into Alessandro’s eyes, which seemed very different from before… It was like he had stuffed pure tenderness within them.
“Carrie?”
“Huh?”
“Marry me,” he repeated. This time, he pressed his hand into my waist, urging me to respond. “Don’t say no.”
“But-”
“What but?
Again, his accent made his response sound like ‘What butt?’ and not…
Oh my goodness.
Alessandro just asked me to marry him. And… And I’m thinking of butts.
“Alessandro,” Eduardo’s heavy, panting voice interrupted me. From the shadows of the space ahead, he ran closer, stopped and rubbed his sweaty forehead with his blackened hands. “What’s the delay? Why are we-” Our eyes met, and the crazed pulse in his eyes softened. “Sister, are you alright?”
“Huh…”
“Eduardo, ride with the boys,” Alessandro spoke, his voice slightly unwelcoming. If Eduardo weren’t his friend, he might have thought that Alessandro was angry at him. “There is something Carrie and I need to do.”
“Oh.” Eduardo and I shared another glance. “Don’t stay too long. The explosion might get unstable.”
“Grazie.”
Seconds later, and it was just Alessandro and me again.
“Carrie.” Alessandro exhaled hard, and our eyes met. “I know I am a man of many faces. I can’t be trusted in any situation; I am well aware of that. But Carrie, I want to be at least trustworthy for you and our child.”
“Alessandro…”
“Asking you to marry me has been on my mind ever since I showed up at your door in San Francisco. But back then, getting married was a requirement to get what I wanted.” His touch sank deeper into my waist. “But it didn’t take long for that to change. Suddenly, what my grandfather and I wanted didn’t matter; all I wanted to do was what you desired. You have become a part of my mind and soul in a way that I didn’t expect. I won’t lie…” With an unsteady breath, he lowered his eyes to the hand I pressed to his chest. “I’m still worried you’ll leave me. If that will ever happen… Before it happens, marry me. Let’s build a home together. I want to at least have that with you. Even if it lasts for just a day.”
“Alessandro…”
It seemed his name was all I could say.
Within me, I already knew my response. However, there was that tugging doubt in the back of my mind.
Alessandro won’t leave the mafia; that much is clear. So, the question is, do I want to get married to someone who will always be in danger or even cause danger?
Marriage is a lot of work. I learned that much from my parents’ relationship. My father certainly made my mother look like a fool while he fooled around with other people, and strangely enough, no matter how much she hurt, my mother never voiced against that.
I’m not saying marrying Alessandro will take that path; I am very confident in the love, both said and unsaid, that Alessandro has for me.
But, do I want a lifetime where I know that my husband does bad things? Do I even want to raise a kid in such an environment?
With this much doubt within me, can I still say yes to his proposal?
“Carrie?” Alessandro’s voice possessed a slight tremble. “Your silence is frightening.”
I clenched the smooth feel of his shirt in my fist. “Alessandro,” I gulped. “Marrying you sounds scary.”
“It does?” His voice cracked for a microsecond when he asked that question. “I still scare you?”