Chapter 59 Chapter 59

Chapter 59 Chapter 59


Tessa

Mom walked in after Carter left the room, a warm smile spread on her lips as she approached the bed where I sat with my Teddy bear on my thighs, staring at nothing in the room in particular.

"You exchanged pleasantries with Carter right?" she asked.

I nodded, feeling uneasy even though I knew we just didn't exchange pleasantries as father and daughter would but chatted about something she should not know about.

"That is nice; he was worried sick of you when you left; I am sure he is happy you are back to the house and family, too," She sat down next to me on the bed, her position directly facing me.

"Yeah, I guess so," I shrugged carelessly.

But then Mom's expression turned serious. "So tell me Tessa, how have you been all this while you were not with us? Tell me what your neighbors are like. Did you hang out with your friends a lot, or did you lock yourself up in your room reading and studying? Or have you found a hobby you are suddenly in love with and buried yourself in it? Gist me exactly how these past few weeks had been for you?" She demanded nodding.

"That is a whole lot of questions to just answer, Mom. Where do I start from?" I stared wide-eyed at her.

"Anywhere, dear." She answered.

"Fine, I was not busy since I left home, just doing a lot of studies and burying myself in some crazy stuff. I barely hang out with friends except Leah, you know, and Mom, there is nothing really interesting for you to listen to." I sighed heavily.

"Alright Tessa, I give up," she raised her hands whilst winking at me. "That reminds me of something I have been meaning to ask you, Tessa. Are you seeing anyone?" She questioned.

My heart skipped a beat. How did she know? Did someone spill my beans to her?

I hesitated, but Mom's eyes sparkled with curiosity, so I knew there was no buying my way out of the question.

"Sort of, sort of, " I stammered.

Mom's eyebrows rose. "Sort of? And what is a 'sort of' reply to my question supposed to mean? Is it some kind of new slang for you, young ones? " she repeated, except she was dramatic and funny. 

I sighed. "It's complicated, mom."

Mom leaned in. "Try me, talk to me, and I promise to see it on the other side," she said gently.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, fine, Mom, I'm seeing someone, I am seeing someone," I repeated.

Mom's face lit up dramatically. "But he's not my boyfriend," I added quickly. Geez! I am so in for it today.

Mom's expression changed, confusion, concern. "Tessa, what's going on? You are seeing someone but he is not your boyfriend? Is that supposed to make sense to me or..."

I shrugged. "We're just...hanging out, mom, nothing more, nothing less."

Her eyes sparkled with curiosity. "Is there romantic interest between the both of you or is just hanging out stuff?" she asked.

My heart skipped a beat. How did I answer this question? Without revealing too much? And I can't ignore it whichever way, which will only do more than good; her curiosity would get piqued, and I won't have anywhere to hide.

"Complicated," I repeated hoping she'd drop it.

She raised an eyebrow. "Complicated? Again?" she echoed. "Meaning? What is the meaning of this complicated stuff, Tess?"

I shrugged, feeling uneasy. "Just...complicated, Mom, I am sure you don't understand the meaning of what complicated it is.."

Her gaze lingered as if seeking truth, but I kept my mask: Neutral, nonchalant.

"Okay, sweetie," She said. "I won't pry, seems you don't want to share it with me."

Relief washed over me, but guilt lingered for hiding Carter from my mother, but this would be the last thing I would do on earth? Revealing to her of my secret relationship with her husband.

Her expression softened. "Tessa, I just want you happy, you know that is all I mean for you, happiness." Her voice filled with love. 

"I am, Mom, I am happy," I said, forcing a smile, but inside, turmoil brewed; secrets and lies weighed me down.

Her face lit up. "You know there is something you don't know, uhh, Carter's been amazing to me, since you have not been around, he and filled in every spot in my heart, he is always there to calm me down anytime I get scared and worried about you, he makes sure to help me with the little he can before he leaves the house, it just as if I found love as a teenager, he is so amazing and sweet and caring," she said gushing like a teenager would at been said sweet words to.

"Did I say he was always there for me?" She questioned, even though she knew the answer to her question. "He is always ever ready and available for me; his words and the way he stares at me anytime I am not watching him is so sweet; he is just so nice for a normal human being." Her voice filled with admiration.

"I could see myself falling harder for him, I can't control what I feel for him anymore."

Guilt slammed into me like a tidal wave; my secrets and my lies weighed me down. It consumed me and I thought the best thing was for me to keep my mouth shut. How does one lie her way through in situations as complicated as this? Can a guilty person wrapped up in this mess be able to voice out something? A normal person with a clear, free conscience would feel happy and excited for her, but even with her daughter, I am not experiencing excitement on the confession talk but more happiness.

She noticed my expression; she was expecting me to say something, maybe gush and whine or trade her, but I kept silent instead, staring at her like she didn't just express her feelings about her husband to me."Tessa, are you okay? You are silent." She pointed out.

I forced a weak smile across my cheeks. "I am sorry, Mom if you were expecting me to say something, but I think my sickness is getting a little bit picky at when I should be functional. I'm having...headache." I explained 

Mom concern deepened. "Do you need medicine? I could stop by at the pharmacy to get you painkillers and Aspirin."

I shook my head. "No, Mom, I don't need medicine. All I need now is just rest."

She nodded. "Get some sleep then, I will leave you.." She hugged me tight. "Love you."

"Tessa," she called as soon as reached the door. "I am not going to leave you to rest alone as an antidote to your headache; I am going to get drugs for you to take to relieve the pain." She promised and, with that, walked out of the room.

I hugged my teddy feeling wretched, deceiving my mom.

As she left. I collapsed onto my bed, emotions swirling; Guilt, Shame, Love. Why did life have to be so complicated? Why did life have to be so cruel and torturous as this?

I stayed, lost in thought, my room, a prison, my heart, a battleground. Carter's face haunted me. I loved him deeply, passionately would be the right term, but did he love me? Or was I just a secret? A hidden pleasure? It is something I have been battling with in my thoughts since I came back home and since the conversation with him. There is a high difference between love for me and caring, and just using me to satisfy his urges, like a pleasure.

My mind swirled with memories of our moments, whispered promises but no declarations.

I felt vulnerable, exposed, and scared. What if he didn't feel the same way?What if I was just; A convenience? A distraction? What if I was just a toy to be played with, dumped, and thrashed after tired of it? What if that is just what I am? My heart ached at the thought. I couldn't shake the uncertainty.

My phone pinged. A notification from Liam. "Meet me at our house. Leah's not around."

My heart skipped a beat at Liam's  unexpected message.