96 - Ocean View
96 - Ocean View
Nel
The first rays of the morning light find me sitting curled up on the porch swing, aimlessly studying the sea waves in the windy early fall dawn. The fresh breeze is a pleasant change from the previous boiling days.
Nothing is pleasant in my mind, though. I couldn’t get much sleep after what happened last night. I can’t believe what Ellie did, what we did… Embarrassed wouldn’t even begin to describe what I’ve been feeling since I woke up a couple of hours later and saw Nick sleeping next to me with my mark on his neck.
Why on earth didn’t he stop me? Did I take him by surprise so much that he had no time to react?
He didn’t mark me back in response. What am I supposed to make out of that? Marking is for life, and I just did that without his consent. I bound him to me while he didn’t even do the same for me.
My hands clutch the mug I’m holding and bring it under my nose, letting the spicy aroma of the herbal tea inside invade my nostrils. When I brewed it, it was scorching hot, burning my fingers, but I didn’t care. I barely even noticed it. Now it’s been a while, and it’s hardly tepid, but I haven’t drunk more than a couple of sips from it. All my body seems to have grown numb from the stress and embarrassment.
Damn it, Ellie… We had more than enough on our plate as it was. Why did you have to go and add extra trouble? Of course, the lovesick puppy doesn’t even care to answer back. She’s retreated in the furthest rear part of my head, either hiding to avoid my anger, or secretly enjoying her victory.
Despite the uproar in my emotions, she’s swimming in an ocean of pure bliss, purring for having ensured I won’t do something stupid like rejecting our mate out of the guilt Will’s words implanted in me. Truth is, I was initially very reluctant to believe in his assertion. Hell, I even demanded a DNA test to do so, but science just confirmed his theory that the two of us are cousins, leaving me further down in my despair about the shitty situation.
I didn’t get any time to talk with Linda about the attack, either. The first person who emerged in my doorway when I woke up was Nick, and the rest is… well, history… Since I know her too well, I have no doubt she chose to stay away and send him instead. But why?
The salty gushes of air from the sea spread a veil of humidity on my face that I can’t decide if I adore or hate. The thin robe I used to envelop myself in clings on my skin. Because of that, after hours of staying inert in the same position, the chilliness of the wind makes it uncomfortable to sit in the shade like this. Some few shy rays of sunshine appear as time goes by, but they are still too faint to warm me up.
Too lost in my turmoil as I am, I didn’t hear him approaching. The first thing I felt was the warmth of his body as he slipped behind me with a swift move, smoothly nestling me in his lap. His hands waste no time, straight away lowering my robe and baring my shoulders to him, and only moments later his lips land on the exposed flesh, peppering small kisses here and there.
His sweet action achieves what the sun couldn’t in just a matter of seconds. I shudder instinctively and he reacts to it, rubbing my back before engulfing me in an enormous hug, where I want to lose myself forever. When did he become so gentle? I didn’t imagine he had such a face.
“Why did you leave?” he asks.
What to answer to that? I just shrug. He hesitates to speak further. We’re both too afraid we’ll slip and fall in a quarrel again, destroying the magic of this moment.
“Wanna talk about it?” he finally says, even though I can easily sense he’s only checking the waters.
“I’m sorry, Nick… I…” I manage to utter.
He doesn’t let me finish what I’m saying. His lips seal mine in a needy kiss, full of unspoken emotions and affection that takes me by surprise.
“I’m not, Nel. It was me who challenged you to take what you need. I’m nothing less than delighted that you needed to claim me.”
I turn to look at him. The fire in his eyes doesn’t match the vulnerability in his words. One could even describe them as cocky, but there’s a strange fragile tone that’s so not like the big, dominant Alpha I’ve had to face before.
“Why didn’t you do the same, then?” I can’t help asking the question torturing my poor mind since I woke up.
His hug tightens to an almost painful extent.
“I’ve hurt you, Nel…” his voice breaks. The fire in his glance dies off, too. A sole tortured shadow is left in its place. I’m taken aback by his words. Well, nothing new to this… I should be used to it by now. Half the times we interact with each other, he opens his mouth and I can’t fathom what may come out of it…
No, I don’t want to open this discussion right now. There’s too much struggle ahead. We can’t afford anything that may cause us weakness. I place my index finger on his lips gently to stop him, but he simply caresses it and pushes it to the side.
“It’s nothing but the truth. I was an unfair coward, and you paid the price for that. I didn’t dare to see behind the obvious and I allowed my pride to hurt you… A lot… I tried to balance between what the others would think of you and my own contrasting emotions instead of believing in you. And I failed to protect you, too. After that, I was like a lost puppy in your absence for months. One would assume that after turning the entire world upside down only to find a single trace of where you might be, I would have learnt my lesson, and I’d have grown to treat you with the respect you deserved. And even then I failed you once more… maybe worse than before…”
He takes in a deep breath.
My eyes glisten. Never did I think the day would come when I’d hear these words. I’ve always recognized our situation as impossible, because I didn’t expect him to consider my feelings regarding these facts. And now, here he is with all these sincere apologies and his soul begging for forgiveness. The intensity of the bond grows bigger every day and has reached a whole different level after marking him last night. His emotions flow inside me without restrictions.
“Much as I appreciate your remorse, it still doesn’t change the complexity of what we share. And I’ve gone and complicated things even more with my actions last night.”
He caresses my hair, like one would do to console an anxious child.
“We’ll figure it out together, Nel. If only you’ll have me…”
If only I accept him? I’ve marked him already. He can’t move on from me even if he wishes to. And he can’t reject me anymore, either.
“In that case, why didn’t you mark me if you want me to have you so badly?” I repeat the question.
His fingers leave my hair, where they were lazily playing with my curly locks, and they slide down the side of my face in a light feather-like manner, all the way to my chin and down my neck to the spot where his mark should be. His grey orbs longingly take in the smooth, tanned area.
“Because I didn’t have your permission, Nel,” he answers after a long pause.
“Neither did I… I should feel bad that I did, then…”
I blush uncontrollably and avert my gaze, unable to focus on anything but the reddish flesh on his neck. Even when feeling so embarrassed about how I lost control of my wolf, the truth is I don’t, in fact, regret her actions. Since I receive no anger or bitterness from Nick about it, I just need his vocal confirmation that everything is okay. Before answering to my insecurity, he forces me to look at him once more. A wild amusement at my fidgeting around dances in his piercing grey pools.
“Nel, stop it! I don’t deserve to claim you as mine yet. All I can give you is my promise to make up for it. I will try my best to judge no action of yours before bringing it in for discussion with you, no matter how weird or against my own instincts it may be. And so that your overloading, clever mind can get some rest, it was me who challenged you to let yourself loose knowing your fiery temperament. I was desperate to see you actually want this. You kept running away from me. After so many times, my ego was seriously wounded, but I wouldn’t cease pursuing you unless you officially rejected me. But I’m not like you. You’re the fire, I’m the ice. Your power lies in your explosion that is beyond control, mine in my ability to analyze and plan things carefully.”
He goes back to petting me, almost like he did to Ellie’s fur in the woods in Southville that first night he allowed me out of his penthouse for a run. The first time he ever trusted me and showed any affection. Despite the pile of mishaps between us and the ton of pain and anguish I had to go through during my captivity, there are also these fond little memories that can, even now, make me smile.
“The day I claim you as mine, you will know it,” he continues with his voice growing darker. There’s a weird promise in it that borders on a threat, almost as if the big bad wolf would devour me whole.
“I have spent so many nights fantasizing about it while you were gone. And then waking up all alone with my agony…”
His arms are still locked around me, holding me in place as a sudden heat arises between us. His next words come out breathy, and even the sound of them is enough to make me wanna clench my legs tightly together. The movement reminds me in a second how we spent last night. Every single twitch in my inner thighs hurts. Why is it that each time with him leaves me more sore than the previous? His nostrils flare, no doubt smelling the change in my mood, and a pleased smirk appears on his devilishly handsome face.
“That day you will be so ready to be mine that you will willingly surrender and follow me to my special place or my penthouse, even if I put you on a collar and a leash. Your core will be dripping wet at the idea of me owning you. I’ll give you an experience like nothing else you’ve lived before, but I won’t mark you until you desperately beg me to do it like your life depends on it…”