Chapter 27

It’d been four months, two weeks and five days since I had last seen Ricardo. Luckily, with Jen’s wedding on the way, I didn’t have the time to think about the next steps. His house was on the market, his penthouse, and pretty much all his goods, with from the sale going to charity. The house was bought by some rich merchant bankers; the penthouse was taking a little while to shift. I must admit, it was taking a lot longer than I’d expected. I did keep an eye on it.

Then again, I kept an eye on a lot of things ever since the day he left me in the library.

Why didn’t he chase after me?

“If you’re going to come and be part of my wedding with a long face, then you might as well go home. I don’t want miserable people at my wedding,” Jen said as she lifted her glass and had obviously drunk a little bit too much champagne.

“I need to get you down the aisle or Ben will kill me.”

She laughed. “I’ll kill you if you don’t smile.”

Maybe I’d spent too much time, with Ricardo, but whenever someone mentioned the word kill, it sent a shiver down my spine. She could probably tell all the blood had rushed out of my face as she said it, then she hugged me. We didn’t need to speak. I was missing Ricardo. There was no doubt about it, and as much as I wanted him here, another part of me was glad he was as far away from us as possible. Maybe he was dead, maybe someone told someone who had found out he’d broken this so-called code and they went after him. Who knew? Only them and Ricardo. I couldn’t put our unborn child’s life in jeopardy; my job as a mother would be over before it’d even began, no this was for the best. In time, I would forget about him, in time I’d be able to move on properly. All I needed was time.

“We are late, so late,” I screamed as I looked at the analog clock which hung on the wall and realized we should be down in reception and I should be getting her down the aisle.

She shook her head. “We can’t go yet.”

“Yes, we can.”

As I moved her arms away from mine, I noticed she hung on to me for support and not as a show of affection. She’d had a little more than one extra glass of champagne. As my gaze darted to where she’d been sitting a few seconds ago, there were three empty flutes on the table.

“Jen, please tell me you didn’t drink all of them?”

She pouted, as she nodded. Her mom quickly came to the rescue as she said, “You’ve got bride jitters, nothing new. Drink all of it. It’ll sober you up.”

The coffee was so strong, even the little man inside of me, did a little cartwheel as I smelled it and moved away from them both. Coffee was a strange scent to me at the moment, it did one of two things, either made me very alert or want to be sick. I was relieved my sickness had died down, my doctor told me it would stop after the first trimester but I was well into my second trimester and I was still on occasion being sick. I still had yet to figure out why they called it morning sickness, when that was the only time of day I wasn’t sick.

Across the room sat the other bridesmaids, and they were detached from us, they were Ben’s side of the family, his sisters and soon to be Jen’s sister-in-law. It was clear from day one they didn’t like Jen; they believed she was some gold digger. Sure, Jen’s family wasn’t rich like them, but they were proud and Jen’s dad wouldn’t hear of it as his family tried to dominate the wedding and claim to want to help out financially. As a gesture of goodwill, Jen allowed his sisters to be bridesmaids, even though it was clear there was bad blood between them.

“Is she okay?” One of them blurted while straightening her dress. She admired herself in the mirror, the same thing she did when she saw Jen in her dress. What bridesmaid was more worried about their appearance on the wedding day than the bride’s?

The dreadful twins Ivy and Poison, which was our Jen and my nickname for them, but they were called Brooke and Belle. His parents had a thing about the B’s a tradition in their family, a strange one. Each family had a letter and they would go down the alphabet to name their child. The real reason why Jen was nervous and had one too many champagne glasses was about joining Ben’s family and becoming one of them.

“She’s fine,” I shouted back. Brooke didn’t seem to care, as she finished admiring her pink silk bridesmaid dress and walked back to her sister, who sat by the window looking out of it. She was probably watching people smoke on the grounds, wishing she was one of them.

“Right, are you feeling better Jen?” I asked as I walked up to her and then I began to stroke her hair. She said her Grandma would do it to her as a kid, she would stroke her hair whenever she was nervous, and it seemed to give her comfort. Her sky blue eyes looked up at me with tears in her eyes, and I knew she was alright and we were ready to get this show on the road.

“Ready?” I smiled and she nodded as confirmation and then she put the remains of the coffee which would bring anyone back to life down on the table.

Her mom was trying to get the girls engaged and interested in the wedding, she was wasting her time. The only reason they were here, was because they wanted to find themselves a date, or maybe a boyfriend. I didn’t know which one it was because they were only twenty-one, but their attitude and concept of life made me forget they were in their twenties and made me always think of them as a couple of girls in their teens.

Brooklyn said, “About time. We’re late. I know the bride is supposed to be late, but this is ridiculous.”

Then, they huffed.

I hated to admit she was right, I was thinking we were only a few minutes late, I didn’t realize it was nearly thirty minutes.

“Here’s to being the next Mrs. Cromsone.”

I was so proud of her. She was putting love first. As much as she hated Ben’s family, she knew their lives together would be special. I hated the idea maybe I was making a mistake. Maybe I should have taken a chance with Ricardo too and left with him. If things had gone bad I could have run away like his mom did, but what his dad did to his mom was the reason I stayed away and decided we had to end things.

I could end up like his mom.

Maybe being a monster did run in his family, and sooner rather than later Ricardo would end up like his dad.

Then again, maybe it didn’t, and I should have given him another chance.

* * *

I was the chief bridesmaid, but I knew hardly anyone at the wedding apart from the groom and a couple of his friends, the best man, and Jen’s parents. The rest were strangers. Even her friends I’d been out with on occasion were strangers to me.

Ben’s mom sighed as I stood watching Jen and Ben take their first dance. I was standing in a corner, trying to stretch my legs a bit. Sitting for too long, just made my ankles swell, and standing too long, didn’t make me feel much better.

“You could have made sure the bride was on time, or a little late. Forty minutes, it must be because of your condition,” Ben’s mom said to me with disappointment in her eyes.

“Condition?” I questioned.

She nodded. “Unmarried, pregnant, and soon-to-be single mom. Imagine the photos.”

Brooke appeared on my other side and said, “Don’t worry, Mommy. I tried to make sure she wasn’t in many.”

It dawned on me why the photographer would shout the names, and then why he kept changing them. They’d masterminded a plan to keep me out of the wedding as much as possible. Until now, I hadn’t realized they hated the idea of me being the chief bridesmaid because I was pregnant. Jen had managed to hide it from me.

“I should have been chief like we all wanted. But Jen didn’t agree. Now, she’s one of us, I’m sure she’ll understand our way of thinking,” Brooke said proudly, and then I started to move away from them. I couldn’t stand listening to any more of this.

I held back the tears, as I decided I would wish my best friend well as she embarked on her journey as a wife. She’d taken a quick drink break and I managed to grab her, as like Ricardo after I wished her goodbye, I’d disappear. I would be alone, with the comfort and knowledge of being a good mom to my child.

I pulled away from her embrace, saying, “Go join them on the dance floor, I’m going to fix my face.”

She nodded. “Make sure you come and dance with me. You did a fantastic job today.”

I smiled at her as I walked away and she went on the dance floor to join the wedding party.

“Good luck, my best friend,” I sobbed as I walked away, not having a clue where I was going, or even caring. I knew I had to leave Chicago, and I had to do it tonight.

Our baby was due any day now. I couldn’t help but sense it was a boy. I couldn’t help but wonder if he would have his mom’s dark eyes or my hazel eyes. If he would grow up knowing the man I used to be, or if he would grow up thinking I was some jock who had abandoned him and his mom when she was pregnant. Somehow the idea of my son thinking I was some jock gave me comfort, knowing Adrianna would protect my honor and his too. She wouldn’t let him know he was a part of the Ruiz family. I liked it that way, and I was sure Adrianna would too.

I’d only known her for weeks, but the time we’d spent together felt like a lifetime. The best time of my life, making me a better man. I smiled at the idea of it, as I shoveled the snow. The road was blocked and I’d had about three emergency calls to get the road unblocked as soon as possible. Winter had come early this year. There were blocked roads and my former boss left Alaska to go to sunnier skies, Mexico of all places. He asked if I’d been there before. I lied, telling him I couldn’t even speak Spanish. I did whenever someone asked me, every part of me died the moment I left Chicago and I didn’t want any of it to come back. My life here was good, humble, my dad would probably laugh from beyond his grave at the type of life I’d settled for, but it was what I’d wanted, what I needed to do. I needed to work for a living, understand the meaning of not being able to pay my rent if I didn’t earn enough in a month.

Since leaving Chicago, I’d been a cleaner, bartender, and somehow along the line, someone was talking about life in Alaska. With a flip of a coin, a map in front of me, I ended up here in Nome. Questions were asked about where I was from, but no one asked why I ended up here. My old boss, before he retired, told me people only came here to get away from whatever demon was chasing them from wherever they came from. He was right. It was by pure luck I met him in a bar and asked what he did for a living. He told me he was retiring and I could take over the business. He taught me how to fix an engine and left me for warmer temperatures. He’d lived in Nome all his life and the idea of leaving was hopeful for him. One he wouldn’t die in the snow, like his father and his father before him.

I gave him a little something, more of a big something via Juan. I asked him not only to enjoy his time in Mexico but managed to send him the money I put aside in case my son needed it in the future. I refused to touch a penny of it. I refused to live the privileged life I’d had so many years before. This was my life now, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. Well, I would for someone if she wanted to know where I was and wanted to give us a chance.

She made it clear, though, it wasn’t an option. I’d waited for her in the house. In my room, the time I left her in the library. I waited a whole week. I needed her to come to me, and not the other way around; I’d given her a gift, to make public if she wished and she took it.

She published the life Pa had lived by handing it to a reporter who handed in his job and published a book. Everything was in the book, even the children and women he’d killed and some of those people wanted my life in replacement for the damage to their family. I didn’t blame them, there would have been a time I would have done the same, but that time was well and truly past.

I kept in touch with Juan once in a while; he was with his wife and child in Sicily. Our conversations would start with him asking how I was and if I was keeping well and end a few seconds later with him telling me he was good and so was his wife and daughter. Never in a million years, would I have believed a trip to Sicily to hire Vedova Nera would end up with Juan falling in love again. Something he vowed could never happen. The saying, never say never was right, especially in his case. I was happy for him. He sent me a photo or two whenever I called him on a burner phone. I only called him once every two months, to let him know I was still alive, and I spoke to him, to make sure he was, too.

We didn’t talk about anyone else, especially Diego. The man I handed it all to. He’d turned from a compassionate man to one who wanted to rule. I let him. Someone had to, and I was sure he was doing what he needed to do. Or felt he needed to do, the same way I did.

“Lucas!” My new name was called out by my landlady. I rented a small cabin at the end of the street. It was cheap and had everything I needed. A small bed, fridge and a stove was my life now, simple and I loved it.

“Hi, Monica. How are you today?”

She smiled. “Good. Something came for you today.”

My body froze as she said the words, the idea of someone knowing exactly where I was, meant tonight, even with my new identity, I would have to be on the run. I would have to find somewhere else to live.

She rubbed her hands together.

I came to her cabin to give her rent money, but luckily if I hadn’t made a stop, I wouldn’t have known to make a run for it.

“She’s waiting inside your cabin.”

I shook my head. “Sorry. I thought you said something came for me today.”

She choked. “I couldn’t help it. I’m old-fashioned, and besides, you look lonely. I have a feeling she’s the reason for it. They both are.”

Then she winked at me, I did have to make a run, but not in the direction I was thinking of. Had Adrianna come all this way?

How did she find me?

And she brought our baby with her.

Curiosity got the better of me, as I stuffed the envelope in Monica’s hand and jumped in my truck so fucking fast in the snow to get home and see if my ears were deceiving me. Was I to meet my son and hopefully, my future wife, if she would have me?