Chapter 136 Chapter 136
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Six
Dimitri
I woke to the sound of voices.
Alexei and Irina, talking quietly in the next room.
I could not make out the words but the tone was calm.
I got up slowly, my ribs protesting with every movement. The medic's painkillers were wearing off.
I walked to the doorway and stopped. Alexei was standing by Nikolai's crib. Irina was beside him.
"He looks peaceful," Alexei said.
"He is," Irina replied. "He has no idea what happened today."
"That is for the best," Alexei said. "He should never know what his uncle had to choose."
"Or what his father sacrificed," Irina added softly.
Alexei looked at her.
"I did not sacrifice anything," he said. "I fell onto an airbag."
"But Dimitri did not know that," Irina replied. "In his mind, he watched you die."
"And he chose Nikolai anyway," Alexei said.
"He chose an innocent baby," Irina corrected. "Any man would."
Alexei was quiet for a moment.
"Would you have chosen differently?" he asked. "If it had been your decision?"
Irina hesitated.
"I do not know," she admitted. "I love Dimitri. But Nikolai is my son. My baby. I think any mother would choose her child."
"Even over the man she loves?" Alexei pressed.
"Yes," Irina said quietly. "Even over him."
Alexei nodded.
"Then maybe Dimitri is not as selfish as I thought," he said.
"He is not selfish at all," Irina replied. "He is torn. He loves you. And he hates that he had to choose."
"But he did choose," Alexei said.
"And he will live with that guilt for the rest of his life," Irina said. "Just like you will live with the guilt of what you did to us."
Alexei flinched.
"I know what I did was wrong," he said. "Taking you. Hurting Dimitri. All of it."
"Then why did you do it?" Irina asked.
"Because I was angry," Alexei replied. "After the incident happened, had you got pregnant. I wanted to let go, but seeing Dmitri treat me like an enemy got on my nerves. I felt abandoned. I wanted him to hurt the way I was hurting."
"And did it work?" Irina asked. "Do you feel better now?"
"No," Alexei admitted. "I feel worse. Because I almost lost him. And I realized that losing him would destroy me."
Irina touched his arm gently.
"Then do not lose him," she said. "Fight for him. Fight for your
relationship."
"How?" Alexei asked. "When he has already chosen you?"
"He did not choose me over you," Irina said firmly. "He chose to love both of us. And that is enough."
Alexei looked at her for a long moment.
"You really believe that?" he asked.
"Yes," Irina said. "I do."
I stepped into the room. Both of them turned to look at me.
"How long have you been standing there?" Irina asked.
"Long enough," I said.
Alexei looked away.
"I was just leaving," he said.
"Stay," I said.
"Why?" Alexei asked. "So you can tell me again how much you love me? How much I matter?"
"No," I said. "So I can tell you the truth."
Alexei stopped.
"What truth?" he asked.
I walked closer.
"The truth is that I am terrified," I said. "That I am going to lose you. Terrified that no matter what I do, it will not be enough."
"Dimitri..." Irina started.
"Let me finish," I said.
She nodded.
I looked at Alexei.
"You are right," I said. "I did choose Nikolai over you. And if I had to make that choice again, I would choose him again. Because he is a baby. He is innocent. He deserves to live."
Alexei's jaw tightened.
"But," I continued. "If it had been you and Irina, I do not know what I would have chosen. And that terrifies me. Because it means I love you both. And I cannot imagine my life without either of you."
"That is not enough," Alexei said quietly.
"I know," I replied. "But it is the truth. And you asked for honesty."
Alexei looked at me with pain in his eyes.
"Do you know what it feels like?" he asked. "To watch your brother choose someone else? To know that you are not enough?"
"Yes," I said. "I do. Because I watched you choose revenge over me. I watched you hurt Irina to hurt me. I watched you become someone I did not recognize."
"That is different," Alexei protested.
"Is it?" I asked. "You made choices that hurt me. I made choices that hurt you. We are both guilty."
Alexei shook his head.
"I cannot do this," he said. "I cannot stand here and pretend that everything is fine."
"I am not asking you to pretend," I said. "I am asking you to give us a chance to fix this."
"Why?" Alexei demanded. "Why should I? What is in it for me?"
"Your brother," I said simply. "Your son. Your family."
"Family," Alexei spat. "You keep using that word. But I do not think you know what it means."
"Then teach me," I said. "Show me what it means to you. Help me understand."
Alexei stared at me.
"You want to understand?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
"Fine," Alexei said. "Family means loyalty. It means choosing your blood over everything else. It means protecting each other no matter what."
"I agree," I said.
"Do you?" Alexei asked. "Because you chose Irina. You chose a woman you have known for a few years over your brother who has been with you since birth."
"I chose to love her," I corrected. "That does not mean I stopped loving you."
"But it means you love her more," Alexei said.
"No," I said firmly. "It means I love her differently. The way I love you is not the same as the way I love her. But it is not less."
Alexei looked away.
"I do not believe you," he said.
"Then what do I have to do?" I asked desperately. "Tell me how to fix this."
"You cannot," Alexei said. "Because some things are too broken to fix."
"I refuse to believe that," I said.
"Then you are a fool," Alexei replied.
He walked toward the door.
"Alexei, wait," I called.
He stopped but did not turn around.
"I love you," I said. "You are my brother. My blood. And I will never stop fighting for you."
Alexei was silent for a long moment.
"Then prove it," he said finally.
"Prove that I matter. Prove that you are willing to sacrifice for me the way I sacrificed for you."
"How?" I asked.
"I will think of something," Alexei said.
And then he was gone.
I stood there, feeling empty.
Irina walked over and took my hand.
"He will come around," she said.
"Will he?" I asked. "Or will he keep punishing me until there is nothing left?"
"He is hurt," Irina said. "Give him time."
"I do not have time," I said. "Lucia is still out there. The Kozlovs are circling. Our enemies are waiting for us to destroy each other."
"Then let's stand together." Irina said. "All three of us."
"What if Alexei does not want that?" I asked.
"Then we make him want it," Irina replied.
I looked at her.
"How did I get so lucky?" I asked.
"You did not," Irina said with a small smile. "You earned me. And now you have to earn your brother back too."
I pulled her close.
"I do not deserve you," I said.
"Probably not," Irina agreed. "But you have me anyway."
We stood there for a moment, holding each other.
Then my phone rang.
I pulled it out. It was an unknown number.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hello, Dimitri," a woman's voice said.
"Who is this?" I demanded.
"Someone who knows where Lucia is," the voice replied. "And someone who wants to help you find her."