Chapter 119 Chapter 119
Chapter One Hundred and Nineteen
Irina
Three weeks had passed.
Three weeks of living in hell.
Every morning, I woke on the thin mattress in my tiny room, wishing it was all a nightmare.
But it never was.
The routine was always the same. Wake at dawn. Clean the hallways. Scrub the floors. Serve breakfast to Alexei and his men.
And try not to look at my son.
Because seeing Nikolai hurt more than anything else.
Today was no different.
I carried a tray of coffee into Alexei's dining room, keeping my hands steady despite the rage burning inside me.
Alexei sat at the head of the table. And in his lap, bouncing happily, was Nikolai.
My heart clenched painfully.
Nikolai had grown so much in these three weeks. His face was fuller. His eyes brighter. He was sitting up on his own now.
And I had missed it all.
"Coffee, sir," I said quietly, setting the tray down.
I tried not to look at Nikolai.
But it was impossible.
Nikolai turned his head at the sound of my voice. His eyes found mine.
For a moment, I thought he would reach for me and cry.
But he just stared. Then turned back to Alexei.
Like I was a stranger.
The pain was unbearable.
"Ah, Irina," Alexei said with that cruel smile. "Perfect timing. Come here. I want to show you something."
I walked closer, my legs shaking.
"Watch this," Alexei said. He held Nikolai up and made faces at him.
Nikolai giggled.
The sound I had not heard in three weeks.
"He likes me," Alexei said, looking at me. "Can you believe it? My son actually likes me."
I wanted to grab Nikolai and run.
But I just stood there, dying inside.
"He barely even remembers you," Alexei continued. "Every day, he forgets you a little more. Soon, he will not remember you at all."
Tears stung my eyes. But I refused to let them fall. Not in front of Alexei.
"Say something," Alexei commanded. "Tell me how it feels."
"May I be excused, sir?" I asked. My voice was low.
"No," Alexei replied. "You may not. You will stand here and watch."
He bounced Nikolai on his knee, made silly sounds. Nikolai giggled again, louder this time.
Each giggle was like a knife to my heart.
"Papa," Alexei cooed at Nikolai. "Say papa. Can you say papa?"
Nikolai babbled.
"That is right," Alexei encouraged. "Papa. I am your papa."
I could not take it anymore.
"Please," I whispered. "Please, I am begging you. Let me hold him. Just for a minute."
Alexei looked at me.
"No," he said plainly.
He stood up, still holding Nikolai.
"You may go now," Alexei said. "Your presence is upsetting the baby."
I looked at Nikolai. He was fussing now. Not happy anymore.
Did he sense my pain? Did some part of him still remember me?
"Go," Alexei ordered. "Before I have you whipped for insubordination."
I turned and fled.
I made it to a storage closet before I collapsed, sobbing into my hands.
My baby.
He was forgetting me. Bonding with Alexei.
Soon, he would not know me at all.
And there was nothing I could do to stop it.
"Mrs. Irina?"
I looked up. Lucia was standing there, her face full of sympathy.
"I saw Mr. Dimitri again this morning," she said quietly. "When I brought him food."
My heart leaped. "How is he? Is he okay?"
"He is... surviving," Lucia said carefully. "The beatings have stopped. For now. But Mr. Alexei is still questioning him. Trying to break him."
"Has he broken?" I asked fearfully.
"No," Lucia said firmly. "He asked about you and Nikolai. He wanted to know if you were both safe."
Fresh tears fell. "What did you tell him?"
"I told him you were alive," Lucia said. "That you had not given up."
"I lied," I said bitterly. "I have given up. Look at me. I am a servant in the house where my son is being raised by a monster. And I can do nothing about it."
"You are surviving," Lucia corrected. "And that takes strength."
He had not given up. Despite everything. Dimitri was still fighting.
How could I do any less?
"Thank you," I whispered to Lucia. "Thank you for this."
"He needs to know you are still with him," Lucia said. "That you are still fighting."
"I am," I said, wiping my tears. "Tell him I am. Tell him I love him. And that I will not give up either."
Lucia smiled. "I will."
She helped me to my feet.
"You should get back to work," she said. "Before someone notices you are gone."
I nodded. And I went back to work.
Dimitri had not given up. So neither would I.
That evening, I was cleaning the hallway outside Alexei's bedroom when I heard Nikolai crying.
My whole body tensed.
The door opened. Alexei appeared, looking frustrated.
"Damn baby will not stop crying," he muttered.
He saw me and stopped.
"You," he said. "Come here."
I stood up slowly. "Yes, sir?"
"The baby is crying," Alexei said. "Make him stop."
My heart leaped. He was going to let me see Nikolai?
I followed him into the bedroom. Nikolai was in a crib in the corner. His face was red from crying.
"Well?" Alexei demanded. "Do something."
I walked to the crib. Looked down at my son.
"May I pick him up, sir?" I asked.
Alexei waved his hand. "Fine. Whatever. Just make him stop."
I reached down and lifted Nikolai into my arms.
The moment I touched him, he stopped crying and looked up at me with those wide eyes.
Did he remember? Did he know I was his mother?
I held him close and rocked him gently.
"Shh," I whispered. "Mama is here. It is okay."
Nikolai settled against my chest. His cries fading to whimpers.
Then silence.
"Finally," Alexei said. "I have been trying to calm him for an hour."
He walked over and looked at us.
"He does still remember you," Alexei observed. "Interesting."
"He is my son," I said quietly. "Of course he remembers me."
"For now," Alexei replied. "But that will change."
He reached for Nikolai. "Give him back."
"Please," I said. "Please let me hold him a little longer."
"I said give him back," Alexei repeated. His voice was cold.
I reluctantly handed Nikolai over.
He immediately started fussing again.
Alexei looked annoyed. "Why does he cry when I hold him but not you?"
"Because I am his mother," I said.
Alexei's eyes narrowed. "Are you saying I am not good enough for my own son?"
"No, sir," I said quickly. "I am just saying babies need their mothers."
"Hmm," Alexei considered. "Perhaps you are right."
He looked at me with calculation.
"I am going to make you an offer," he said.
My stomach dropped. "What kind of offer?"
"You can see Nikolai every day," Alexei said. "For one hour."
Hope surged through me. "Really?"
"On one condition," Alexei continued.
Of course. There was always a condition.
"What condition?" I asked, dreading the answer.
"You come t
o my bed," Alexei said simply. "Willingly every night like before."
The world tilted.
"No," I whispered.
"Then you do not see Nikolai," Alexei shrugged. "Your choice."
I looked down at my son. He was still fussing in Alexei's arms, reaching for me.
One hour a day with my baby. In exchange for...
I could not even think about it.
"I need time," I said. "To think about it."
"You have until midnight," Alexei said. "After that, the offer expires."
He walked to the door and opened it.
"You may go now," he said.
I left. My mind raced
What was I going to do?