ROSALINE
"So tell me, do you want to be the one that ruins your parent's chance at a fresh start?" His voice hit me, and I shoved against the floor, holding my chest as the panic set in.
Julie's killer was still out there, while I was here like some collateral, betrothed to a man who didn't care about my existence. I didn't know which stung more. Tears welled up in my eyes and fell in torrents as I tried to process everything at the same time.
"They could have told me..." I whispered to myself. "They could have told me about all these! Why did everyone lie to me? What was so difficult about being honest with me!?"
"Probably because you'd react the way you are," He responded emotionlessly. Gerald felt nothing of my pain. To me, it had begun to seem as though he enjoyed how his words made me crumble. "Get it together. What would your answer be?"
Words died on my tongue, and my back slacked against the counter, where I was overwhelmed by my own emotions. My heart raced as though it was racing to explode. Breathing was so difficult, and the air turned dense and toxic, killing me.
The silence killed me faster, and the weight of his imposing gaze was constant. I hated how helpless I felt against his logic, how hard I wanted to fight and destroy everything! My palms were clenched, and I stared into space, vision blurred by tears.
All my life, I'd struggled in the shadows of a perfect daughter- Julie. My sister was everything I wasn't. Graceful, beautiful, intelligent; they called her the embodiment of perfection, and her light shone so brightly that mine dimmed next to it. I was the candlelight, only visible when her fluorescence was gone.
After the unfortunate accident, I grieved, but at least I was seen grieving. Despite how many times my father had mistaken my name for Julie's, despite how many times my mother has bought me dresses in shades of red, Julie's favorite color. I still stuffed it down. At least, I was seen.
At Least I was out of the eternally hovering shadow. Finding out now that I was still the mere replacement for her shattered me in a way that I couldn't explain, and my parents kept it from me, including the fact that her killer hadn't seen justice.
What did I do wrong? I picked myself up from the floor slowly, shuddering and gritting my teeth as the wicked cold seeped into my pores. I held Gerald's gaze, reading his hunger for a response in his shiny, blue orbs.
The words dropped heavily from my lips, taking a piece of me with it. "Marriage, right?" A sardonic laugh spilled from my lips. It was hilarious, really, how I'd completely made a fool out of myself. "I'm such an idiot, don't you agree? It must have been fun for you, making such a fool out of me."
"Is that your resp-"
"And this stupid necklace!" I spat, hastily unhooking it. I examined it after yanking it off, reliving the happiness I felt when my mother had gifted it to me. My stomach turned, burning with intense rage. I shoved it in his chest. "KEEP. IT."
Gerald stopped the necklace before it could slide to the floor. He looked at me like he was amused, all while keeping silent, and it only made me angrier.
"And my response? You wanna know what it is?" My brows pinched together, and a smirk crawled up my lips. "This marriage? Oh, we're gonna keep it, husband. We're going to go on with our little game of pretense, and I'd pretend to be oblivious to your petty chicanery. Doesn't that just please you?"
"I suppose we're on the same page now," He drawled. "I knew you'd make the right decision."
I scoffed, choking on the rather violent outburst that my emotions suggested. I closed in on his personal space, killing the distance between us. "But, I have a few rules that you'd have to follow, Husband, if we want this contract to work out."
"What?" Gerald winced. "I'm the one who makes the rules around here."
"Funny," I drew him in my chin with my index finger, narrowing my gaze to be stuck on his. "You'd listen to me. First, there would be no form of intimacy between us, whether by mistake or intentional. Two, you would not as much as breathe my name, not to mention you saying it. Also, be careful taking those shots because I wouldn't mutter a word if you crawled in with your head."
"That's -"
"Listen to me!" I raged. "Thirdly, I owe you no obligation. No personal information will be divulged. Let's do well to avoid questions like Where are you? Where are you going? What are you doing? You shall touch no possession of mine, and I'd gladly do the same!"
"You're being ridiculous!" He spat. "All these rules and for what? To calm your tantrum? This is the real world, Rosa; nobody ever does what they want! Everyone sacrifices something. What are you doing!?"
"Setting boundaries," I breathed. "Because I can't stand manipulative jerks like you. Oh, and you broke two of those rules. Act your career and learn to follow rules, husband," I patted his shoulder. "And get yourself together."
I angrily walked past him and headed into my room. Luckily, I was able to hide my quivering hand, and I concealed my anxiety from him. My reflection in the mirror was a teary one.
Even as I hastily put on makeup, the tears wouldn't stop, and I had to pause at intervals. The goal was to look powerful, contrary to the overwhelming fear that I felt on the inside. I let my hair run wild, leaving the heavy curls to bounce on my shoulders.
I smiled as I was done, satisfied with the look. My lips were a dark shade of red, emphasized by heavy dark eyeshadows. The joy of it crept up to me, and I felt as though I'd gained a sense of control.
My suitcase clicked open as I reached for a lacy black dress that stopped above my knees. "Perfect," It muttered as I examined it. It was strapless and complimented my body like a song. All that was left was to find a location that fitted the outfit.
I was tired of waiting around and getting insulted. Picking up my car key, I stormed downstairs. Gerald was still by the kitchen counter where I'd left him. I watched his eyes follow me as I walked by, and I could sense a question coming.
"Where-"
I waved my fingers dismissively, not bothering to spare him a glance. "The rules. Do not break the rules."
*
"Yo, are you home?" I asked Ava as I trapped my phone between my shoulder and my ears. I was just a few blocks away from her house. It was the only place I could think of going.
The only place I had to go that wasn't my parents' house. "Do you want to come over? I'm still stuck at work right now," She responded.
I bit down my lower lips. How could I have forgotten that Ava was going to be working? It made me a little sad that I wasn't going to see her, and I didn't have anywhere else to go.
"Are you okay?" Her voice came through again, snapping me out of my thoughts. I blanked out. "Did you want to come over?"
"Yeah, uhm- I can do that tomorrow," I quickly said, unable to tell her I was already halfway. I didn't want to burden Ava, as it seemed like it was all I ever did to everyone around me. "I just wanted to know if you were home."
"That would be amazing!" She chimed. "I'd definitely love to have you over. I need all the information I can get on you know who." It was an inside joke of ours, relating to Gerald.
If only she knew how much of an ass he actually was. I faked a chuckle. "I'll tell you everything tomorrow. Take care of yourself, Ava. Byee."
"Bye, sweetheart."
The call disconnected with a beep, and I swerved to the other side of the road, my head resting on the steering wheel. Where do I go from here? I'd do everything in my power to make sure I didn't go back home to Gerald.
I'd give him the perfect definition of a contract, just as he wanted. An idea blossomed in my mind, but I brushed it off. On second thought, it didn't matter. I should do everything I want to do.
I should start living my life as freely as I wanted. I ignited the engine and drove.
No one spoke of the anxiety that crept on people, especially single, miserable women like me, as they walked into a bar. One of the biggest bars in town. I hadn't even walked in, and I already felt out of place, fighting my conscience and the urge to return home.
Thinking about my current situation was the force that pushed me further, soon I was inside the noisy building. Walking in there felt like a fog had been cast over the sun. There were no hints of natural lights, except the party bulbs.
The pulsating music filled my ears, and I tried to hide my disgust for their subpar music taste, finding my way through the crowd and heading to the main bar.
The attendant scanned me, a question hidden behind those eyes, but that was the least of my concerns. "Give me the strongest liquor you have here," I requested. "Make it two."
"Ma'am?" The young man's eyes widened. "We have more suitable drinks. I can show you the menu, and you-
"No," I shook my head. "You heard me right, and make it snappy."
He nodded reluctantly and proceeded with my order, mixing what seemed to be more than four different liquors together, sealed by a squeeze of limes and ice cubes.
I gulped hard, mentally rethinking my decision. "Here," He pushed a glance in my direction. "You might want to be careful with that, Miss."
It was none of his business, but I didn't say it. I merely carried the glass up to my lips, catching the strong whiff of spirit before I took a sip. The liquid raced down my throat, burning free.
Then I took another sip, then a gulp, until the bottle was halfway empty. It had no effect, at least not the kind I expected. I was about to drink it again when I heard a rusty voice call out from behind me.
"What's your fee, girl? You caught my attention, just as you wanted."
Uh, hello??