REALIZATION

***DAMIAN***

The lake house was quiet, so quiet that the darkness in my head could grow unhindered. We had been hiding here for ten days, far from Jax’s men, who were scouring the city, erasing every trace of me, burning down my world. Ten days. Marco had told me what they had done – my house in flames, my sources of income destroyed. But none of that mattered. Not here. Not while Celine was here.

I had tried everything. I had cooked, talked, held back. I hadn’t touched her, not since we’d been here. She was my last chance. Not only for forgiveness, but for salvation. The darkness inside me was like a beast, held at bay only by her light. But she wouldn’t let me get close. Not really. Not the way I needed to.

“Celine,” I said softly, my voice carrying a gentle urgency as I stepped into the small kitchen where she stood with her back to me. ”I’ve made dinner. Come, sit and eat something with me.”

She turned to me slowly, her eyes dark and cold, as if all their warmth had evaporated in the last few days. “I don’t give a damn about your dinner, Damian,” she said, her voice cutting and sharp. “I want to get out of here!”

I paused, the tray of food in my hands shaking slightly before I put it down on the table. “You’re not well yet,” I replied calmly, but there was a harshness in my voice that I couldn’t quite hide. “You need time to recover.”

She laughed softly, a bitter, cold sound that cut like a knife through the silence. “Oh really?” Her eyes sparkled with anger, and she took a step towards me. “And why not, Damian? Why am I not healthy? Maybe because of what you have done?”

I wanted to say something, but the words stuck in my throat. She came closer, her voice louder, more urgent. “Why, Damian? Why are you like this? Who broke you so badly that you think you have to do this to another person, hmm? Who made you so damn sick?”

Her gaze was like a flame that burned me in a way that no physical pain ever could. My jaw muscles tensed, my hands clenched into fists, but I forced myself to remain calm. “Celine...” I began, my voice low but with a dark undertone. “You don’t understand.”

“Oh, I don’t understand?” She laughed again, but this time it was broken, her eyes filling with tears she didn’t want to let. ”Explain it to me, Damian! Explain to me why you had to do this to me!”

I took a step back, turned away, felt the darkness rising within me like a wave that threatened to overwhelm me. But then I forced myself to look at her, my voice became firmer, more insistent. “Because I thought I could protect you! Because I thought I could do it differently than everyone else. But I...” I paused, my words became a whisper. “I failed.”

Celine remained silent, her eyes searched mine, but she found nothing to comfort her. The silence between us was heavy, an unspoken war that engulfed us both. And in that moment, I knew that I might never be able to win her back. But I couldn’t give up on her. Not now. Not her.

“Celine,” I finally said, my voice soft but quivering with desperate resolve. ’I can’t change what I’ve done. But I can try to make it better. If you give me a chance.”

She laughed bitterly, her tears now flowing freely. ’A chance? You want a damn chance, Damian? You’ve destroyed everything. Everything! And now you expect me to give you a chance?” She shook her head, her gaze cold and final. ”Save yourself, Damian. But I am not your salvation.”

With those words, she turned away and left me alone in the darkness, with nothing but the guilt that consumed me and the realization that I might never be able to defeat the darkness within me – not without her.

“Your father, Celine... it was him!” I shouted after her, the words echoing through the silent room, sharp as a sword. She stopped, frozen, as if I had physically struck her. Her back was turned to me, but I could see her shoulders droop and the tension gather in her body.

Slowly, she turned around, her eyes burning with anger and confusion. “What happened to my father, Damian?” Her voice was soft, but every letter cut like a blade.

I took a deep breath, trying to tame the darkness within me that spread as I had to put the truth into words. “He... made me this.”

Her eyes widened, and for a moment everything was silent. Then she sat down slowly beside me, her gaze boring into mine, demanding, merciless. “What does that mean?” Her voice was quiet, but she trembled slightly, the anger and desperation behind her words unmistakable.

I bowed my head, my hands rubbing across my face as if I could wipe away the memories that haunted me.

“He took me,” I began, my voice barely more than a whisper. ”Back then, when he married my mother. I was a child, Celine. And he was a man who knew nothing but control, violence and... darkness. He broke me. Day after day.”

Her eyes narrowed, her lips parted slightly as if she wanted to say something, but she remained silent. I could hardly utter the words, but I had to. She had to know.

“Your father shaped me, Celine. He forced me into the shadows in which I now live. All that I am, all this darkness within me... it is because of him. He made me his tool, his plaything.“ My voice sharpened as the memories rose like poison in my head. ’And then... he got Jax.”

Celine winced, her face growing paler as if she had lost every drop of blood. ’Jax?” she whispered. “What... what did he do to him?”

I shook my head slowly, my gaze heavy with unspoken atrocities. “He used him against me. Pitted us against each other. He wanted to control us both. But Jax... he hid it better.

Her hands trembled, clutching the armrest of the chair as if seeking support. ”And... my mother?” Her voice broke and I could see her fighting back the tears that burned in her eyes.

“She knew, Celine.” My voice had become lower, almost gentle. ”She knew what your father was. And that’s why she took you away. She never let him find you. Or Jax find you. Because she knew they would destroy you.”

Celine swallowed hard, her eyes glassy now, as if she could hardly believe the words. “So... she saved me?” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

“Yes,” I said, my eyes seeking hers, full of unspoken apologies. ”She protected you, Celine.”

The silence that followed was crushing. Celine sat there, her hands shaking as she processed the truth I had just revealed to her. Her face was pale, her eyes searching for something – an answer, a lie that could have comforted her. But there was none.

“Now you know,” I finally added, my voice a whisper, a shadow of my former self, ”why your mother never wanted your father or Jax to find you.”

Celine stared at me, her lips quivering slightly, but she said nothing. Her silence was louder than any word, and I knew that the truth was breaking her – just as she had broken me long ago.

Celine sat across from me, her eyes fixed on me with an intensity that froze my every move. Her hands trembled slightly, but she held herself straight, as if suppressing her fear. Her voice broke the stifling silence like a knife.

“Do you want to tell me...” Her words came slowly, each of them sharp as a blade. ”...that my father abused you?”

I held her gaze, felt the words spread through the room like a poison that could no longer be taken back. My breath caught for a moment, and I felt my stomach contract. But I had to say it. She wanted the truth.

“Yes,” I replied softly, my voice dark, rough, like a shadow stretching across the room. ”Not just me. Everyone who came close to him. Your father was...” I paused, searching for the right words, but nothing could describe the hell he had left behind. ’He was a monster, Celine.”

Her face paled, but her gaze remained hard, fixed, as if she was forcing herself not to break. ’What... what exactly did he do?” Her voice was quiet, but there was a relentless sharpness to it.

I leaned back, my head falling slightly backwards as I felt the memories well up inside me. They were vivid, agonizing. But I forced myself to speak them out. For her. “He broke us, Celine, made us his tools. And if that wasn’t enough... then he moved on.”

“Further?” she whispered, her voice barely audible, but her eyes glowing with a mixture of pain and anger.

I nodded slowly, my hands clenching into fists as I formed the words. ”He enjoyed torturing us. Mentally, physically... and yes, also in ways you don’t want to imagine.” My voice broke slightly, but I quickly regained my composure, and the anger inside of me rose like a tidal wave.

Celine was breathing heavily, her gaze wandering into the void, as if she was looking for a way to understand what she had heard. “And Jax?” she finally asked, her voice shaking slightly. “Did he... did he suffer from it too?”

I closed my eyes for a moment, the pain and darkness were overwhelming. “He suffered just as much as I did. Your father dragged us both into this hell. But at some point he wasn’t there anymore, he just left me alone in this hell... and I will never forgive him for that!”

She turned her head to the side, her jaw tensed, and her hands clawed into the armrests of the chair. “Why...” She paused, gathered herself, before continuing. “Why didn’t my mother do anything? Why didn’t she help you?”

“Your mother did what she could,“ I said softly, but firmly. ’She saved you, Celine. She took you away before he could find you.”

Celine suddenly jumped up, her eyes burning with anger and despair. ’He was my father, Damian!” she cried, her voice trembling, but remaining loud and penetrating. “My damned father! How could he do that? How could he be like that?”

I stood up and approached her slowly, but I kept my distance. My voice became quieter, but each word carried the weight of years of agony. “Because he wasn’t a father, Celine. He was a tyrant, a monster. And he took what we all were from us.”

She stared at me, her eyes filling with tears, but she held them back. “And now?” she whispered. “What am I supposed to do with all of this, Damian? What am I supposed to do with this truth?”

I lowered my eyes, my jaw tensed as I replied. “Now you know why I am the way I am. Why I can’t lose you. You’re the only thing that reminds me that there is still light.”

Celine looked at me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, but there was no anger in her gaze anymore. Instead, it reflected something I hadn’t expected – compassion. It was like a knife piercing deeper into my chest than any reproach she could have made.

“I’m sorry, Damian,” she said softly, her voice quivering slightly but holding out. ”I’m so sorry you had to go through that. That you were alone with it. Nobody should have to go through that.”

Her words hit me, I wanted to interrupt her, wanted to tell her that I didn’t need an apology. But she raised a hand as if she sensed what I was about to say.

“But you know what I think?” she continued, her eyes seeking mine without letting go. ”Jax didn’t abandon you on purpose, Damian.”

My jaw tensed, the words triggered a wave of anger and pain inside me that I could hardly control. Jax. The name was like poison in my head. I wanted to say something, but she wouldn’t let me.

“He was desperate,” she said, her voice firm, but she remained calm, almost gentle. ”He ran away. What should he have done? What could a child do against a man like that?”

I laughed softly, bitterly, almost mockingly, and shook my head. “Run away? Celine, Jax didn’t run away. He left me there. He left me behind while he saved himself.”

“Damian,” she began, her voice becoming more insistent, ’he was a child. He didn’t run away to hurt you. He did it because he thought it was the only way to survive.”

“Survive?’ I stepped closer, my eyes fixed on hers, darker than the night outside. “Do you know what I had to go through while he ‘survived’, Celine? Do you know what it means to be left behind in hell with no one to save you? Do you know what it means to be betrayed by the one person who should understand what you’re going through?”

She flinched slightly, but she didn’t back down. Her voice was quieter, but no less strong. “Damian, I understand your pain. But Jax didn’t betray you. He tried to save himself because he thought he couldn’t save you both. He was a child, Damian. A child.”

I snarled, my hands clenching into fists as I fought against the rage boiling inside me. “A child?” My voice was soft, but it carried the force of a thunderclap. “He watched our father break me, day after day. And then he left me alone, without a damn backward glance. That wasn’t a child, Celine. That was Jax.”

She took a step towards me, laid a hand on my arm. Her touch was light, barely noticeable, but it made me stop. “Damian, maybe that was the only way he knew how to survive. Maybe he was too weak to fight. But that doesn’t mean he deliberately abandoned you. Maybe he hated you as much as you hated him.”

Her words hung in the air, heavy and inescapable. I wanted to push her away, yell at her that she had no idea what she was talking about. But her eyes sought mine, full of warmth and understanding that I didn’t deserve.

“Damian,” she whispered, her voice softening, ”you are not alone. Not anymore. But if you hate Jax, if you hold on to this anger, it will destroy you. And I can’t let that happen.”

I felt my shoulders drop, the darkness inside me continued to rage, but her words had triggered something I couldn’t name. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive him, Celine,” I finally said, my voice rough, little more than a whisper. “I don’t know if I want to.”

“Maybe you don’t have to,” she replied, her hand still on my arm. ”But maybe you have to forgive yourself. For what you did to survive.”

Her words cut deep, and I knew she was right. But the darkness inside me was not so easy to overcome. It was a part of me, a part that I might never be able to let go of.