Chapter 33

*James*

Liv had been gone nearly two weeks, and I was going stir crazy. I was trying to give her space to grieve, and work through everything she had been through with her family. She gained and lost a brother all at once, then were betrayed by and cast out of the only family she had ever known. She didn’t know anything about her real mother, or even where to start. She had become a wife, then a mother who lost her baby. All of this in less than a year. I could not begin to imagine the emotional turmoil she was experiencing, and without a doubt her sense of self had to be shattered.

Selfishly, I missed my wife. I was struggling to reconcile how I could crave another person the way I did her. Once I let myself accept my feelings for her, they exploded beyond anything I had ever felt before. It was like we were made for one another, and I couldn’t breathe without her by my side. As desperate as I was to have her back home, under our roof, in our bed, I knew I had to give her what she needed to get through this period of her life.

Tonight the guys are coming over for poker. I hadn’t seen my brothers since Nancy’s stunt at the office, so I’m certain there will be some interesting conversations tonight. I also needed to ask Trav about Carl Shepherd. My research came up short. Every instance of him online was related to his time in the military and then on the police force. Prior to that, it was like the guy didn’t exist. I couldn’t shake the idea that he knew more about Nick and my father than he was letting on, but without being certain I could trust him to keep Liv safe I was hesitant to call him on it.

A knock on the door came just after I finished setting up the poker table in the living room. Pulling the door open, I was greeted by Noah and Chris, armed with scotch. “You guys are early.” My words carried no weight, though, as I stepped aside to give them entry.

“We want to talk to you before everyone else gets here.” Noah didn’t waste any time getting to the point. “What the hell is going on?”

“Let’s go sit and I’ll explain.” Noah and I sat on the couch, and while Chris poured us each a drink I began to detail the story that has created so much turmoil in my and Liv’s lives. When I was done, my brothers stood completely shocked to silence.

“How do we not know any of this?” Noah asked, in disbelief.

“Y’all were young and everything was kept so quiet. More than anything I’m surprised Trav doesn’t remember Marcus. We were all the same age and did everything together until Marcus’s died. I guess when you’re that young, friends come and go and you forget the ones that don’t stick around. There was no way I could forget since I was there and that night is imprinted on me.”

“What about Liv’s mom?” Chris asked tentatively.

“I don’t know.” I gave a small shrug. “She hasn’t talked to me about it, and I am trying not to push.”

“Is that why she was suddenly so interested in going to Mormont?” I nodded at my youngest brother’s question, and felt my heart constrict at the thought of her being gone.

“Dad knew?” Noah’s question was one I had been hoping to not answer. The look of disappointment on his face was almost too much. I didn’t want this to tarnish their memory of him.

“I don’t really understand his role in all of this. I decided, actually, that I need to talk to mom. I’ve been putting it off, though.” I shrugged my shoulders again, and downed my drink. “This whole thing is just a total shit-show. I’m sorry you guys had to find out the way you did, too.” I had never felt so defeated and unsure of everything around me, and expression shared by my brothers confirmed they were on the same shaky ground.

We finished our drinks just in time for Trav to waltz through the door, holding a bottle of tequila and two pizza boxes. “You guys know I have a full bar, right?” I laughed looking at the collection of bottles contributed to the evening.

“It’s Friday night. The last few months have been a total suck fest. You’re off for the next seventy-two hours. We’re gonna throw down.” Trav plopped the pizza boxes on the coffee table before walking to the bar cart. He pulled out four shot glasses, filled them to the brim with tequila and handed one to each of us, before holding his up for a toast. “As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, here’s to alcohol. The rose-colored glasses of life!”

We all laughed at the toast, which was perfect given everything going on in our lives. Trav insisted on two more rounds of shots, before we dug into the pizza. An hour later, we were all feeling pretty good, and Trav suggested we ditch poker and hit up the tequila bar. Noah and Chris checked in with Jess and Sam respectively, and then we all piled into the Uber I ordered for us. I glanced over at Travis staring at his phone with a goofy grin on his face.

“If it was anyone besides Beth, I’d tell you to stop having phone sex with your girlfriend.” My younger brothers both started making gagging sounds before descending into laughter. They were clearly feeling the tequila, and if I was being honest, so was I. I resisted the urge to text Livie, and briefly considered giving my phone to Noah for safe keeping.

We settled in a booth at Martina’s, which Chris explained was owned by an old friend of Sam’s. She must have given him a heads up, because we had barely sat down before a round of drinks were placed on the table. “Getting crazy tonight, guys?” The waitress didn’t hide her enthusiasm about the four of us being in her section.

“Hey Cass, I’ll take care of these guys tonight.” A man that looked around my age came up behind her. “Hey Chris! Good to see you, man.” He reached across to shake my brother’s hand before turning his attention to the rest of the table. The waitress finally slinked away, obviously annoyed by the loss of our table.

“Guys, this is Bart. He owns the place.” He took turns greeting each of us individually, before turning back to Chris.

“Sammie doing okay? She seemed good when the ladies were here a few weeks ago.” His concern was genuine, and I had the distinct feeling he was very protective of Sam.

“She’s really doing much better. The first few months were rough, but she and June have settled into a great routine. She’s an amazing mom.” I admired how my brother looked when he talked about his wife. He truly worshiped her. “Please tell Sadie thank you, again.” Sam had struggled with postpartum right after June was born, and I knew they had some friends provide some support, and it was great to put a face to the name.

“Listen, you guys enjoy the tequila and I’ll be by later with food.” He turned his attention back to the bar, and we dove into the round of drinks he brought to the table.

“So, uh, Trav. When you gonna make an honest woman out of our sister?” Chris, ever the smooth operator, asked. I took way too much pleasure in watching my best friend squirm under the intense stares of my younger brothers.

“Yeah, Trav. What’s up with that, man?” Noah chimed in.

“Come on, guys. Don’t do this to me, tonight.” Travis groaned as he scrubbed his hands over his face. “We’ve barely started dating. Not all of us get married after the first date.” The guys roared with laughter at my expense, but my chest grew tight thinking of my wife, half way across the country. Trav must have noticed, “Hey, I’m sorry, man. No wife talk tonight.”

“It’s fine, man.” Before I could continue I noticed Travis staring across the bar. I followed his line of sight, and confusion settled on both our faces. Lucas was deep in conversation with none other than Detective Shepherd. “What the fuck?”

“Don’t do anything, stupid, James.” I hadn’t seen him since I found out about his run in with Liv.

“He needs to explain himself. Who the fuck does this guy think he is?” The tequila was not helping the rage bubbling under my skin. “How the fuck does Lucas know this guy?” Chris signaled for another round, and Lucas made his way over to our table.

“What’s going on?” He asked as he slid in next to Noah. “You okay, bud?” Lucas asked, seeing the anger in my expression.

“How do you know him?” I asked nodding toward the detective, now sitting at the bar, chatting up the bartender.

Lucas glanced over his shoulder, seeking an answer to my question. “Carl?” He asked, confused.

“Yes. Carl Shepherd. How do you know him?” My anger was barely contained.

“Hey, chill, man.” Trav’s voice carried a warning and concern.

“We served together.” It took a minute to understand what Lucas was saying. I stared at him trying to put it together.

“In the marines? He was a marine?” I asked.

“Yeah, man. That’s how he moved up so fast on the force. Didn’t you wonder how he was so high up at his age?” Lucas seemed genuinely surprised I didn't know this.

“His age?” Noah asked.

“Yeah, man. He’s barely thirty. Most guys with his credentials are ten years older. Add in his background, and he’s really a pretty incredible guy.” Clearly Lucas admired him, but I couldn't understand why.

“What about his background?” Travis jumped in.

“Yeah, he grew up in foster care, bounced from home to home. Apparently he had really shitty parents so he ended up in the system.” The research I had done was racing through my mind as I put together this new information. As I stared across the bar at him, he turned and stared back.