Chapter 137

Chapter 137


Autumn's POV

I stood in the private living room and watched them for a little time. I felt strange. My heart kept moving in small, heavy beats and I did not know what to do with my hands. They had really done all of this for me. The room was warm and full of light. The flowers smelled sweet and the table was full of my favourite things. I could not believe my eyes.

It was the first time they had done anything like this. Real apologies, with effort. For a moment I forgot how angry I was. I felt like a small girl again who did not have to hide her pain.

Knox was the first to step forward. He looked tired and ashamed. He looked like he had been carrying a heavy stone inside his chest and finally put it down. He came close and spoke in a low voice.

“I’m sorry, Autumn,” he said. “I was stupid. I made you suffer. I should have known better. Nothing I do now can take it back, but... I want to make new memories for you. I want you to have better days.”

His words hit me. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. He means it, I thought. I never knew a day like this could actually come for me. But I kept my face steady. I could not let them see me weaken too fast.

Dante came next. He held out a small flower with both hands. His eyes were wet. He said sorry like a prayer.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wish I could die so I would not exist in a world where you suffered. I regret everything.”

He sounded like he wanted to actually wanted to kill himself. It was a little too much, but I felt the truth in his words. I could not have him killing himself over this. He gave me the flower anyway and bowed a little.

“You don't need to mention killing yourself in front of me. I'm not really interested in your death anymore.”

Then Adonis came. He was quiet at first. He looked at me with a weight I had never seen on him. He swallowed and then knelt on the cold hard floor and I almost jumped. What the hell?

“I made the orders,” he said. “I believed the wrong person. I should have believed you. I’m sorry.”

I reached out and stopped him from staying on his knees. “You don’t need to do that,” I said harshly. “You don’t have to kneel for me to prove that you actually changed. Real changes are done with actions and not just words.” My voice shook a little but I kept it small. I could not let them make a play of it. I had to keep my control, even if my hands trembled.

I can't believe all of this was enough to move me. Why didn't they do it when they had the opportunity? Is it because I mentioned how much of idiots they were and they realized they needed to beg me so they could still get my forgiveness?

Dante then lit an incense and handed it to me. “I got this for you.”

“You got this for me? What's this supposed to do?”

“It's the traditional method that has worked on a lot of werewolves and I got it from the best person there is. He made this incense to help with your nightmares and help you sleep.” He explained. 

It was impressive to know that he helped me get something that could help with the nightmares and the sleep. The other brothers looked surprised. They probably didn't know I had nightmares. The incense felt warm in my palm and the smoke made the air calm.

“Thank you,” I said. I held the incense like a promise.

We sat down at the table. I looked at all the food in front of me and realized Lily knew me so well. 

“You should eat something to replenish your health.” Adonis mentioned as he tried to dish me some food. 

I nodded in agreement, “I'm grateful for your help in helping me find something to eat but it doesn't mean that I'm necessarily going to forgive you just because of food. You all had the chance to do this and you're doing it now. It doesn't make any difference to me.”

“But, I can promise you none of this would affect the investigation of what I promised to do for you before.”

I was still not ready to trust them with my whole heart. But tonight I would give them a chance.

We ate in silence at first. The food was good. I watched them as carefully as they watched me. I could see the guilt in their faces and the fear that I might never forgive them. It made me feel stronger and softer at the same time.

Then someone reached for a bottle of wine. It was small, and it looked expensive. I had never been one to drink much, but I wanted to forget for a little while. 

I poured a glass. My hands were not steady. I drank. It was not much at first. It tasted sharp and sweet. They joined me. 

We drank slowly. The wine warmed my chest like a safe fire. I laughed a little. They laughed too. The sound felt strange and good.

But the drinks came fast after that. I kept sipping. The world began to tilt by small degrees, then a lot. Faces doubled and then blurred. I saw two of each of them for a moment and then three. Am I losing my mind?

I started to speak louder. I spoke of everything I had held inside for years. I told them I was not ready to forgive, not fully, but that I would think about it if they kept acting like this. I told them I would help them. My words came out honest and raw.

They listened and they did not interrupt. For the first time, I let my guard loosen just a little.

Then, for no careful plan, I leaned forward. I felt brave and foolish at the same time. One of them, the one nearest me smelled like his soap and the wine. He looked handsome in the soft light. In my head everything was fuzzy and funny, and I couldn't tell who was who amongst them. 

I threw myself at him. My body bumped into his. My lips met his without thinking. He stiffened. I could feel the surprise under my mouth. He smelled of spice and something clean.

When I pulled back a little, my heart was beating fast and my head was light. The world had tipped but in a strange good way. I did not stop. I moved to the next one and kissed him too. Then the next. Each time my mouth found theirs as if the motion had a memory of its own.

They were shocked at first, but then they did not push me away. Maybe they did not know what to do. Maybe they thought it was the wine. Maybe they wanted it too. My words came out slurred between kisses.

“You’re useful,” I said, laughing a little. My words were not cruel; they were teasing and soft. “You’re all useful. I could use you… if you let me.”

I kissed them again, one after the other. I felt brave and cruel and very strange. The room spun, the lights blurred, and their faces were close and warm and impossible to name. My hands moved where they wanted. The wine had stolen my usual fear.

I told them, with too much honesty, “I want to use your bodies if you give them to me.”

“What?”

Why do they sound so surprised? Isn't their job to serve me or what?