Chapter 58 Chapter 58
LIANA'S POV
I hadn't realized silence could be so calming. For a couple of seconds, I thought I could pause life here; hot cappuccino in my hands, the constant hum of the fridge in the background, and Mum's light hand on top of mine like a root to the ground.
But of course, silence doesn't stay as silence for long.
"I still don't know the slightest thing about how Cam really feels about it," I whispered.
Mum turned her head. "About what, dear?"
"The kiss or even about Stanley. Since it happened yesterday, I have not been able to talk to her at all. I don't even know where to begin."
"You haven't asked her anything?"
"How do I?" I shook my head. "Cam's never had to get used to seeing me… with someone. She's used to it being me and her. I don't even know if she really gets what it meant."
My fingers trailed along the lip of the mug, my eyes fixed on the foam that clinged to the inside. "I don't know if I'm going to end up with Stanley or jump into anything serious. But the attraction is there. It's real. And I don't know if Cam would want that. If she doesn't… then I don't want it either."
Mum frowned. "Liana.".
She held me in her stare with that stern gentleness only a mother can muster. "Are you happy?"
The words hit me like a breath I hadn't even been aware of holding.
I nodded, slow and careful. "Yes. I'm… I'm really happy. Happier than I've been in years. He'sa good friend."
"Then Cam doesn't get to take that away from you."
I blinked. "Mum,"
"I'm not telling you not to consider her feelings. You're a great mom, and you always will be. But this is your life. Not hers. You've carried all the burdens for years so she won't have to. You've sacrificed and swallowed and shrunk to make her a good world, but you should get to experience joy, too. If Stanley offers you even a tiny slice of that, then no, Cam can't overrule your joy."
“I just…” My voice trailed. “I don’t want to choose between them.”
“You’re not,” she said firmly. “This isn’t an ultimatum. It’s a love. Cam will be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
"She's six. Yeah, she might throw a tantrum or pout, or cry a little bit. But in the end? She's a child. And children look to their parents for guidance. If Stanley is the man you choose, she'll follow. Because she has faith in you."
I exhaled slowly, watching the steam uncurl from my cup.
"And she loves Stanley," Mum went on. "You've got a bonus that most women don't, your daughter is friends with the man you're interested in. Don't undermine that."
That eased something in my chest. A sneaky wave of relief rolled over me, and I hadn't even realized how tense I was until now. My shoulders relaxed.
"I'm glad you're here," I whispered, looking at her. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
Mum smiled, and then she reached up to tuck a flyaway strand of my hair back behind my ear the way she used to when I was a child. "And I'm proud of you. For fighting. For loving. For choosing peace even when war is easier."
"I don't always know if I'm doing the right thing."
"None of us do," she said. "That's how you know you're human."
We sat quietly again, though this time warmth was there. Hopes.
"I should talk to Cam," I muttered.
"Tomorrow," Mum agreed. "But on your own terms. Don't let guilt do it."
I nodded. "You know," she continued, her eyes sparkling a bit now, "I always wished you might find someone who'd love at both of you. Even the broken bits. Even the tired edges. Stanley does seem to… see you."
I looked down at the mug again, smiling weakly. "He does."
"And you smile when you're talking about him."
"I do?" I blushed hard.
"Always."
I smiled softly. "I don't even know it."
"That's the kind of love, one that sneaks up on you."
I set my head back against the wall and watched her, grateful and slightly amused. "You sound like a character in a romance novel."
She laughed. "Well, it's not my fault that your life looks like one honey."
For a while, we simply drank, side by side, unloading hearts. I knew that I would have to talk to Cam. I would have to wait for the right place and time, the right words. There was no guidebook to parenting, only heart, instinct, and hope. Weather tonight or tomorrow, at least, I was not alone in doing it.
Mum finally excused herself to lie down, and I was left alone in the quiet kitchen with my thoughts and the resonance of her words.
"She does not get to take that away from you."
They kept orbiting in my head while I washed our mugs and wiped down the counter. We would be okay, because I would make sure we are.
But more than that, I had to be okay too.
I leaned against the kitchen window and watched the sun late in coloring gold over the fence of the neighbor's house. Stanley's face appeared in my mind: his warm eyes, his nonexistent faint dimple and the way he said my name like it was some delicate flower. I imagined returning from work to meet him and Cam playing in the sitting room or cuddled up against eachother watching cocomelon. I as so sure I would I would be contented just having this too light up my world. Maybe, Just maybe, Stanley and I have a future.
Slowly, I opened my eyes with a smile on my face.
Maybe this was the beginning of a new future for me.