Chapter 9

Never before had Jess felt out of place in her own home. Ricky's presence was cloying and dominating, tainting the safety of her sacred personal space.

This was all she had, her family and home comforts. As bad as things got as school, she always felt a sense of relief on returning to her house.

"So?" Ricky shrugged. "Do you wanna do this here?"

Jess shook her head in the negative.

She backed away instinctively as he rose from the chair and stepped toward her, smirking at her reaction as he handed her the empty beer bottle.

It made a hollow ding as she dropped it into the recycling pile behind the bin. Staring down at the empty boxes and cartons, Jess felt herself relaxing. The chaos of the outside world melted away, leaving nothing but the blank quiet of her mind.

She let Ricky grab her wrist, lead her through her front door and out into the street, faintly aware of the light rain spotting her face as she walked.

He didn't speak during the ten-minute walk to his house, a fact Jess was grateful for. She wasn't entirely certain she had the capacity to make even the idlest of chit chat in this near-comatose state.

Even entering Ricky's house didn't faze her. She glided on through, smiling at the woman washing the pots as she turned to say hello.

"Your sister?" Jess asked.

"No." Ricky laughed. "My Mum. She had me when she was fourteen."

"Oh," was all Jess had to say about that.

When they entered Ricky's room, he closed the door and plugged his iPhone into a speaker. Until Jess heard the music, she assumed he was soundproofing because he planned on making her scream.

She frowned as the gentle and melodic sound of guitars and piano notes filled the room. Not classical music, but something far more modern and distorted. It wasn't like anything she'd listened to before, yet it was oddly familiar.

"What?" Ricky asked, seeing her confused face.

Jess shook her head. "I just didn't picture you listening to this kind of music."

"You picture me?" Ricky questioned her, smirking.

"Maybe," Jess uttered. "Doesn't everybody do that? I mean, we all have preconceived notions about each other. Half the time I'm not sure what we base them on."

It was true, but why she'd decided to spout this to Ricky was unclear. Her preconceived notion of him was a dumb and small-minded bully.

"I always thought you were a stuck-up loner. I'd never have pegged you for a masochist." He snickered. "Or a hero."

'He thinks what I did was heroic?' Jess thought.

She tried to suppress a smile as she joined him on the bed, glancing at the iPhone.

"Mogwai," she read. "Cool name for a band.

"They did the music for a show I liked. Les Revenants," Ricky said.

"Oh!" Jess cried, becoming excited. "I loved that show. I thought I recognized this music from somewhere."

"Favorite character?" he asked.

"It has to be Camille," Jess replied.

Ricky smiled and nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Camille's my girl."

As they discussed the show further, exchanging theories and ideas, Jess forgot all about the dire reason for her visit. It was nice to talk to someone about something she enjoyed. Having no real friends to share her passions and interests with... it got depressingly lonely.

When the conversation lost steam, she found herself looking at Ricky in a new light. She decided she would confess the truth.

"I'm not really a masochist and I don't want you to hurt me," she admitted in a small voice. Given this new information, she hoped he would find it in his heart to take pity on her.

"No shit. I'm not as stupid as you think, you know?" Ricky snickered. "I don't want to hurt you either. Honestly, I get nothing out of it. I genuinely hate that little fucker."

"Why?" Jess asked.

Ricky tutted and shook his head. "He's just a prick."

"I was lying, but I'll stand by what I said. If you leave him alone, you can... you know..." Jess said, regretting the words as soon as they left her mouth.

"No... what can I do?" Ricky teased, smiling as he leaned in.

Jess wasn't sure. She wasn't sure what she was willing to do or even if she secretly wanted to do it.

"I, well, I think you brought me here for a reason, right? You must want something from me."

"Not necessarily. Maybe I just wanted to see you squirm?" Ricky said.

"That would be fair," Jess said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She was acutely aware of how close he was sitting. So close she could fee his body heat and smell his cologne.

'Damn he smells so good,' she thought.

As adrenaline flooded her system, Jess realized the response wasn't fear but something else. Something worse.

'Am I attracted to this douchebag?'

Staring into his eyes, Jess bit her bottom lip in anticipation, taken over by the idea he might kiss her. As he stared back, she noticed the way his full lips curled up in amusement. He leaned closer, cocking his head as though he meant to kiss her, but pulled away at the last minute.

"Go on," he said, standing up. "I was going to hurt you, but I don't want to anymore. You made me look like a twat, but it was a pretty brave move, I'll give you that. I'll think up something else you can do to amuse me."

Jess stood, feeling both disappointed that he didn't kiss her and angry over the disappointment. It was his annoying, smug face that made it a hundred times worse. He knew the effect he was having on her and he was loving it.

Jess tried her best to act casual and 'play it cool' and she left. As said goodbye to Ricky's Mum and left she stopped to check her phone and overheard the mother comment about how pretty she was.

She smiled to herself as she heard Ricky agree.

'What's wrong with me?'

When she arrived home her brother was immediately on her case. He didn't even give her a chance to get a hot drink on the boil before hounding her with questions.

"Why was Ricky Jameson here? You know he's a criminal right?" he started.

When Jess shrugged the questions away, he started with the lecture.

"I know you are lonely, but you can't be that desperate for friends, surely?" he said with disgust.

"Whose fault is that?" Jess muttered under her breath.

"Oh," Johnny cried. "Yeah, blame me for your evil little bitch of a best friend."

"If you hadn't led her on so badly..."

Jess lowered her head in shame, feeling the anger come off her brother in waves. Catriona had almost ruined his life too.

"Sorry, I know it's not your fault—" she started to say before he stomped off.

She slumped into a seat at the kitchen table and sat idly fiddling with the salad tongues. There was a note to say dinner leftover were in the fridge, but Jess couldn't stomach even the thought of eating. The adrenaline leaving her system made her feel too nauseous and shaky.

She made a cup of tea to calm her nerves and warm herself up before retiring to her room to look up the band Mogwai on Spotify. She skipped through until she found that beautiful song.

'I just like the song,' she firmly told herself, but the near kiss refused to stop replaying in her memories.

Jess let out a ragged, world-weary sigh.

'I was not prepared for this.'