Chapter 72 The Aftermath pt1
I fight consciousness as it tries to reclaim me. Although I can’t remember why, I know the world beyond is one I don’t want to be mine. That pain is waiting…
Yet reality continues to infiltrate, insidious and determined. Grief wraps around my throat, so tight, so vicious.
Alric’s…gone.
My friend. The one person who knew something of my past. Who had answers.
Gone.
The sensations of sheets beneath my shoulder, and a pillow under my cheek register next. Along with an arm around my waist, a body behind mine, cradling me.
I remember Maggie was holding me. Comforting me.
Yet I instantly know they’re not female arms clutching me close. These are strong, muscled, heavy arms.
I stay still, keeping my breathing even as I realize Oberon has come for me like he always does. My friend is here to hold me while I try to put myself back together. Even though I don’t know if I can do it again. Even though I still don’t know the parts of who I am. And likely never will.
“I know you’re awake.”
The warm, husky voice that brushes over my ear has me stilling. Realizing.
That’s not Oberon.
“Do you remember, Anara?” Zaries breathes. “You described this in the letters.”
I remember. I’ll never forget. I spent hours choosing the right words, imagining exactly what it would feel like. Wishing so hard that I let myself believe it could one day be real.
You’ll curl around me, Zaries. Hold me tight. We’ll fit together so perfectly, so deliciously that I won’t want to leave. I love how safe and cherished you make me feel.
Then his response, sealed with the Carpathian crest, was delivered by a Stormcoast messenger.
I doubt it’ll stay that platonic for long… Just your scent drives me wild.
Zaries draws in a breath, his chest pressing into my back as if he’s drawing me deep into his lungs. I close my eyes, for a weak second allowing myself to feel something good. But it’s short-lived. He was thinking of Elsie when he wrote that, not me.
And I’m the one who let her die.
So I slowly roll over, turning my back on the truth that it feels exactly like I thought it would. Pale dawn caresses Zaries’ devastatingly handsome face. It combs through his dark, messy locks. Glides over the sharp angle of his cheekbones. Strokes the stubble along his strong jaw.
Catches in the stillness of his deep, dark eyes.
I swallow, breathless even though I don’t want to be, confused by his presence. “Why are you here, Zaries?” I whisper.
His eyes roam over my face. “I was here all along.”
I gaze back at him, unsure what that statement means.
“I was injured in the fight, struck by an alicorn wing. I was in the infirmary when Alric died, too.”
Blinking, my gaze finally leaves his face to register the white gauze wrapped around the shoulder peeking above the sheets. I go to jerk back, worried I’m hurting him, but his arms tighten. “Not happening.” Although he murmurs the words, they’re velvet wrapped around steel.
He doesn’t want me to move.
So I stare up at him again, too heartbroken to begin understanding what’s happening. “Why are you here, Zaries?” I ask again.
I lied for years in those letters. Pretending to be the woman he loved.
I let his future queen die.
He hates me.
His hand comes up to gently, carefully brush a strand of hair from my cheek. “I heard what Alric said.”
That’s all it takes.
My heart shatters into more pieces than there are stars in the sky. Some big and jagged, defined by the blow a single loss can have. Some small and tattered, a testament to the countless consequences loss can inflict. A sob explodes up my throat, terrifying me with its force. It’ll break me as totally as the pain has broken my heart.
I’m grieving for the mother and father I never knew.
The domino of choices that defined my destiny.
And the man who could’ve made sense of it all.
Zaries has drawn me to his chest before it can erupt, meaning it’s his warm skin that absorbs the explosion of agony. His arms hold me tight. His cheek comes to rest on my head. “I know, Anara. I know.”
I cry and sob and disintegrate. My shaking hands wrap around his waist as I bury my face in his chest. The tears are a force I can’t fight, no matter how many powers I’ve harnessed. They’re far stronger than magic. They’re far too real.
Zaries strokes my hair in long, rhythmic sweeps. “You’ve wanted answers for so long.”
My whole life.
And somehow, Zaries knows. He understands. He makes sure I don’t fracture so completely that I’ll never be able to resurrect from the ashes.
Eventually, the inferno of grief abates. Dies. Banks to a smoldering ache.
And the realization that I’m in Zaries Carpathian’s arms, in a bed, trickles through me. And that although his shoulder is bandaged, the rest of his chest is bare. Muscled. And saturated by my torrent of tears.
“Sorry,” I mumble, not wanting to meet his eyes, but also finding the chiseled expanse has a fluttering effect on my pulse.
Zaries slips a finger under my chin, angling my face up. “I should be saying those words.”
I gaze at him, trying to decipher the eddies shifting through his dark eyes. “I don’t understand.”
He sighs. “Neither do I. All I know is you’re hurting and I wanted to be the one to comfort you. It kills me to see the Anara that’s always so strong, a force to be reckoned with, fall apart. And I couldn’t let you do it alone.”
Impossibly, heart-stoppingly, his gaze drops to my lips. His breath hitches. His lashes drop over his darkening eyes. He angles closer.
I’m frozen, waiting. Wanting. Wishing. When I kissed Zaries the first time, it was part anger, part desperation. All a conscious decision. One of the few times I’ve taken fate into my own hands.
He can’t possibly…