VERA
The pain constricts around my throat, as I sob into my pillow. It’s almost impossible to catch my breath, as the tears come so fast. For the first time in three years, my task has overwhelmed me.
The slavers beat and degraded me for months, but it was nothing. Not compared to what I endured tonight. Sitting and eating dinner with the man who killed my family was too much. Not to mention, kissing him. Andrei Petrov is the man I loathe and have to kill.
Why isn’t he acting like the man I’ve heard so much about? Igor, my uncle, is counting on me to end his life. His words repeating in my mind.
You are our savior, Vera. The woman who will free us from monsters like him and avenge my brother’s death.
When Andrei kissed me, my body betrayed me, and the shame of it is crushing. His hard muscles pressed again me, holding me, made me want to moan. I didn’t, though. I kept my reactions in check, as I’ve been taught to. When he touched me it was like pure lightning striking me.
I hate myself for enjoying his skin on mine. I couldn’t stop my reactions. He’s the first man who has ever touched or kissed me before. His lips on mine were gentle but commanding. When I returned to the room, I had to dash for the bathroom and throw up that delicious steak. The emotions warring inside of me are almost impossible to get a handle on.
The soft bed does little to comfort me. I long to be back under the slavers capture. At least, I felt in control. It would always be hard, coming face to face with my family’s killer. Now, he has given me an impossible choice. Throw everything I’ve worked for away and let him ship me off, or be his submissive. It’s the only way to allow me enough time to get my revenge on him.
Uncle Igor insisted I had to kill him quick. Hundreds of people will celebrate my sacrifice and I’d be a hero, but I never longed for that. I want the man to suffer the way I’ve suffered. It means my only option is to be his submissive.
That is dangerous. The thought of allowing a man I want to kill inside of my body is a step too far. It would be even worse if my body reacts the way it did to his kiss. Yet, I’ve got no choice. I can’t let him ship me away.
There are heavy footsteps outside of my door, and I stop my sobbing. The realization that I’ve been too loud hitting me hard. I hold my breath, listening for movement. The sound of the door knob opening has me reaching for the knife on the bedside table. I stow it under my pillow, ready to use it.
“Vera?” Andrei asks, his voice husky and quiet.
I remain still and unmoving, too scared to say a word.
“I heard you crying. Are you okay?” he asks, stepping closer to me.
It’s uncharacteristic for this man. A show of concern isn’t right. His face comes into view as he steps into the light of the moon shimmering through the window. I hate that the first thought I have at the sight of his face is how handsome he is.
I can’t let him see my weakness. No one sees me crying, ever. I school my features and try to make it look like haven’t been crying for hours.
My mouth dries as I let my gaze drop. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of tight boxer briefs. The pitter patter of my heart speeds up, as he shifts into the bed by my side. Out of instinct, I shuffle away from him.
The razor is still under my pillow. I shift my eyes toward the pillow, wondering if I should make my move. Maybe Uncle Igor is right. A swift killing will ensure nothing could go wrong.
“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you or try anything,” he mutters. “I want to hold you.”
I shiver as he wraps his muscular arms around my waist, pulling me into him. As it did before, my body reacts. I heat as his skin touches mine. A pure desire burning deep in a dark part of me. Shame is beyond what I’m feeling now. I make myself sick with the way I react. My panties becoming damp between my thighs.
“You’re safe with me,” he murmurs.
I want to scream and shout. I want to slash open his throat right here and now.
Safe with a murderer. No one is safe around this man. My family are proof of that. I block out everything and go to my happy place. A memory of Russia when I was a child with my brother and sister, playing in the stream near our home. I pretend that I’m there and nothing has changed, shutting my eyes and forgetting about the man whose arms I’m in. He can’t break me. No one can.
I won’t let him throw me off track. I fall asleep, knowing it’s my only respite from the hell I’m in.
* * *
My eyes are sore and dry, as I wake. I open one eye to find it’s bright with sunlight in my room. The brightness burns my retinas and I snap them shut. Then, memories of the night before come flooding back to me. I sit up straight and glance toward the other side of the bed, thankful he isn’t still here.
The last thing I wanted last night was for him to join me. My sobbing had kept him up, which means his bedroom must not be far away. His irritating kindness is proving a complication I didn’t foresee.
As I lay by his side last night, I could have slit his throat. My fingers tease under the pillow, searching for the razor, but it’s not there. My eyes widen and I search the room, looking for it. A chuckle from the bathroom door makes me jump. “Are you looking for this?” Andrei asks.
I glance over at him and he’s holding the razor I’d been searching for is in his hand, and his beard looks neater and tidier. My eyes drop and I find he’s wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist. My stomach tightens and pussy aches at the sight of his chiseled chest with rivulets of water dripping down his skin. The way his Adonis belt carves his hips, disappearing down toward whatever he is hiding beneath that towel. I hate that I wonder what’s beneath the towel.
I shake my head in response, bowing my head. He has already found the razor, and I expect punishment. I keep my eyes down, as I prepare myself for the pain.
“Look at me, Vera.”
I swallow hard, glancing at him.
He has placed the razor on a side table and is closer now. I watch him as he shifts to sit on the edge of the bed, still wrapped in his towel. The way his muscles flex forces me to shut my eyes unable to keep looking at him like this. “I know you’ve been through awful things under the slavers, but you need not fear that treatment from me.” He sets a hand on mine, making me even more confused than ever.
I start away, pulling my hand from his.
“Vera, I hope you can learn to trust me.” He sets his hand in his lap. “If not, you are welcome to go to one of my other homes. There is an opening at my house in Miami.”
Miami sounds like heaven, but I can’t abandon my plan. I will have to play along with being his submissive, even if that means I might have to give my virginity to him.
Again, his actions don’t ring true to what I expect. No punishment for taking the razor and keeping it under my pillow. He stands from the side of the bed, turning around and unwrapping the towel, making me heat with need.
He pulls on a pair of clean boxers and then returns to the cabinet, grabbing the razor off of it. I focus my attention on him as he walks toward me. “Keep the razor if it makes you feel safer.” He hands me the razor.
I stare at him in disbelief, wondering why he would give me the knife. He’s so confident that I wouldn’t try to hurt him. Perhaps I’ve underestimated how easy it would be to kill him. He is a powerful and strong pakhan.
“I don’t wish to push, but I wondered what your thoughts are on my offer?”
He turns to face me, dark eyes burning with desire.
A shudder runs from my head to my toes, indecision plaguing me. Am I capable of taking another life? I nod my head, knowing I can’t fail my uncle. He’s counting on me, and he told me the consequences of failure— It’s not an option.
“Yes, I wish to remain here as your submissive,” I say, keeping my gaze on the floor.
There’s true joy sparkling in his eyes as he walks toward me, smiling. “That’s great,” he says, cupping my chin in his hand and forcing me to look at him. “I will treat you well, Vera. You’ve got nothing to fear.”
My stomach churns as his lips near mine. This would be far easier if he was unattractive and old. My body responds to him and I can’t control the reactions, despite my hatred for him. The moment his lips meet mine, the conflict runs deeper.
His kiss is gentle but claiming all at once. Last night I had my perfect first kiss, only tainted by the man doing the kissing. I’m beyond innocent with sex and relationships. My father was the pakhan of the Saint Petersburg brotherhood—one of the most powerful brotherhoods Russia had ever seen. He didn’t let me go near boys and was ruthlessly protective over our family.
Andrei’s tongue slips into my mouth, tangling with my own. I’m lost, forgetting who it is that is kissing me. A shameful moan escapes my lips as the need inside of me increases. I’ve been so strict with myself even after my family died. I’ve never once given into simple pleasure, which makes it more difficult to keep a handle of my urges.
It all hits me as he bites my lip, making me tense. This man killed my family. I pull away, conflict raging in my head. So many emotions I can’t organize my thoughts amongst the muddle inside of me.
He grabs hold of my hair, fisting it in his hands. “Do you understand what it takes to be a submissive?” His dark eyes are burning with pure lust.
I nod my head, averting his gaze.
“Vera, look at me,” he commands.
I do, despite wishing I could shy away.
“You won’t be in control with me.” He tightens his grip on my hair, tugging so it’s almost painful. “I will master your body, I will dominate it. You will be mine. Do you understand?” he asks.
“Yes, sir,” I say, bowing my head.
He grips hold of my throat in a firm grip, forcing me to meet his gaze. I hate the way I respond to his dominance. My nipples harden and my core throbs with need. It’s enough to make me sick to the stomach.
“Good girl,” he says, voice huskier than before. “Now get dressed for breakfast.”
I swallow hard as he lets go of my throat, thankful he doesn’t intend to take me right away. The thought of having him inside of me both excites and disgusts me. I don’t understand it, and I can’t stand this disgusting lust I have for him.