Chapter 28 Zemirah

Chapter 28 Zemirah
Chapter Thirty

Zemirah

The mountains were gray when we reached them.
The road had ended an hour ago, now we walked through scrub and rock, following Vera's map, with the hope that Xavier hadn't moved on.

Fernandez walked beside me, Julian behind with the guards, they were ten, alarmed and quiet.

I checked the map again. The old pack house was supposed to be in a valley between two peaks, hidden from below, invisible unless you knew where to look. Vera said Xavier used to talk about it like it was a secret, a place no one else remembered.

"We're close," I said.

Fernandez looked up at the ridge ahead. "If he's there, I'm sure he knows we're coming."

"Maybe he does, maybe not."

"He's not stupid."

"No. But he's careless. He's been careless since the beginning. Leaving trails, trusting the wrong people and staying in one place too long."

"You sound like you're trying to convince yourself."

I didn't answer but he was right.

We crested the ridge and the valley opened below us. It was Small, tight, surrounded on three sides by cliffs. At the center, was a building made of Stone, it had two stories, roof half collapsed, windows dark. This was the infamous old pack house.

I knelt behind a boulder, brought out binoculars. The building looked empty, there was no smoke coming out from the chimney, no movement at the windows, no cars or trucks outside. But it looked like someone had been there recently. The ground around the entrance was clear of snow, packed down by boots.

"He's inside," I said.

I handed the binoculars to Julian. He scanned the valley, the building, the cliffs.

"I don't see guards," he said. "There's no one here."

I looked at the building again. The roof had collapsed, the windows had a dark shade on them, and there was a single door.
I wasn't sure If Xavier was in there, but I was sure he wasn't coming out until he had to.

"Let's wait," I said.

"For how long?"

"I dunno, let's just be patient." I said casually.

\---

We all found a spot and had our seats.

The sun crawled across the sky, The guards spread out along the ridge, hidden behind rocks and trees. Fernandez sat beside me, his back against a boulder, his eyes on the valley.

"You've done this before," I said.

"What?"

"Waited, for someone to come out."

He laughed, "a lot of times babe."

"How did you endure it?"

He looked at me. "I think about what happens after. When it's over. When I'm back home, in my own bed, with my own pack around me."

"What happens after this?"

"I don't know yet."

I looked at the valley. At the building where Xavier was hiding.

"I'm tired," I said. "I don't even know what we're chasing at this point, I'm really Tired of waiting, because I'm in oblivion of what happens next."

"That's the job."

"The job is terrible."

He almost smiled. "Yes. It is."

\---

The sun was low when the door opened.

A man stepped out. Dark hair, thin build, a jacket too big for him. He looked around, up at the cliffs, at the trees, at the sky. Then he walked to the side of the building and disappeared around the corner.

"That's not Xavier," Julian said.

"No."

"One of his men?"

"Probably."

The man came back around the corner a few minutes later, carrying a bucket, he walked to a spot near the tree line and stopped.

"He knows we're here," Fernandez said.

"How?"

"He's been monitoring the ridge since he came out. He's always known where we are."

I watched the man. He set the bucket down, straightened up, and raised his hand. Waved.

"He's waving at us."

"Yes."

The man turned and walked back to the building. He didn't go inside, he stood by the door, waiting.

"He wants us to come down," I said.

"Let's not."

"If he knows we're here, Xavier knows we're here. Waiting isn't going to change anything."

I stood. Fernandez grabbed my arm.

"Don't."

"He's not going to shoot me. If he wanted me dead, he would have done it already."

"You don't know that."

"No. But I'm not going to find out by sitting up here."

I pulled my arm free and started down the slope.

\---

The man by the door watched me come. He didn't move, didn't reach for a weapon, just stood there with his arms at his sides.

I stopped about ten feet from him.

"Xavier inside?"

"Yes."

"Just him?"

"No. There's five of us Including him."

"Armed?"

"Yes."

I looked at the door. At the dark windows. At the roof that was half gone.

"Tell him I'm here."

"He knows."

"Then tell him to come out."

The man went inside. I waited.

The sun was behind the cliffs now, the valley going dark. I could feel Fernandez watching from the ridge, the guards, Julian, all of them waiting to see what happened next.

The door opened.

Xavier stepped out.

He looked worse than the last time I'd seen him. Thinner, his clothes hanging off him. His hair was longer, tangled, dirty. His face was pale, almost gray, with dark circles under his eyes. But his eyes were the same. Sharp. Watching.

"Zemirah."

"Xavier."

"You came alone."

"I came with an army. They're on the ridge."

He looked up at the cliffs. At the rocks and trees where my people were hiding.

"You're not going to kill me."

"No."

"Then why are you here?"

"To give you a chance."

"A chance for what?"

"To leave. To go somewhere far away and never come back. To stop this before more people die."

He laughed. It was a hollow sound, dry, like he hadn't used his voice in days.

"Leave? Go where? I have nothing. No pack. No money. No one who wants me."

"That's not my problem."

"It's your problem if I stay."

I stepped closer. He didn't move.

"You killed Detlef. You tried to kill me. You sent people into my territory. You started a war you couldn't finish. This is your last chance, Xavier. Take it or don't. I don't care anymore."

"You care. That's why you're here. That's why you came down alone. You could have let your people storm this building and drag me out. But you didn't. You came down to talk."

"I came down to tell you to leave."

"Same thing."

We stood there, the valley going dark around us, the wind picking up.

"I'm not going to leave," he said. "This is my home. These mountains. This valley. My mother used to bring me here when I was a child. Before Detlef took everything."

"Detlef didn't take anything from you. You lost it yourself."

"You sound like him."

"Maybe he was right."

Xavier's face went hard. His hands curled into fists.

"You don't know anything about me, about what I've been through, or what he did."

"I know you killed your brother."

"He was never my brother. Not really. Same father, different mothers. He got everything. The pack. The name. The respect. I got nothing."

"You got a mother who loved you. A home. A place in the pack. That's not nothing."

He stared at me. His eyes were wet.

"You don't understand."

"I understand that you're standing in front of me with nothing left and you're still trying to fight. That's not courage. That's stupidity."

He didn't answer.

"Leave," I said. "Tonight. Take your people and go. I won't follow. I won't send anyone after you. Just go."

"And if I don't?"

"Then tomorrow, I come back with everyone I have. And I don't leave until this building is rubble and you're in a cell."

Xavier looked at the ground. At his hands. At the door where his people were watching.

"I need time," he said.

"You have until morning."

I turned and walked back up the slope.

\---

The guards were waiting at the ridge. Fernandez stood apart from them, his arms crossed, his face hard.

"You let him go."

"I gave him until morning."

"He's not going to leave."

"Then we come back."

"And if he attacks tonight?"

"He won't. He's too tired. Too scared. His people are tired. No one's attacking anyone tonight."

Fernandez shook his head. "You're taking a risk."

"I'm taking a calculated risk. There's a difference."

"Not from where I'm standing."

We camped on the ridge that night. No fire, no lights, just blankets and cold food and the dark. I didn't sleep. Neither did Fernandez. We sat together, watching the valley, watching the building where Xavier was hiding.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I'm thinking about his mother. The way she said he used to pick flowers for her. Put them in a cup by her bed."

"That doesn't excuse what he did."

"No. But it explains some of it."

"Does it matter?"

I thought about it. About Xavier, about Detlef, about Tasha. About all the people who had done terrible things and still had someone who loved them.

"I don't know," I said. "Maybe not. Maybe it never matters why people do what they do. Only what they did."

Fernandez put his arm around me. I leaned into him.

"We should sleep," he said.

"In a minute."

We stayed like that until the moon came up.

\---

Morning came gray and cold.

I walked to the edge of the ridge, looked down at the valley. The building was still there. The door was open.

Xavier was standing outside.

He was alone. No jacket, no bag, nothing. Just standing there in the cold, waiting.

I went down the slope.

"Did you sleep?" I asked.

"No."

"Neither did I."

He looked at the ridge. At the guards watching from above.

"I'm going to leave," he said. "Like you asked. I'm going to go somewhere far away and never come back."

"Where?"

"I don't know yet. Somewhere no one knows my name."

"That's a start."

He looked at me. His eyes were red, his face pale.

"I'm sorry," he said. "For what I did. For what I tried to do. For all of it."

"Sorry doesn't bring anyone back."

"I know."

We stood there, the wind blowing between us.

"If I see you again," I said, "I won't give you another chance."

"I know."

He turned and walked toward the trees. I watched him go.

When he was out of sight, I walked back up the slope.

\---

Fernandez was waiting at the ridge.

"He's gone," I said.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"You believe him?"

"I believe he's scared. I believe he's tired. I believe he has nothing left. Whether that's enough to keep him gone, I don't know."

Julian came over. "We should follow him. Make sure he actually leaves."

"No."

"Zemirah—"

"I said no. He's gone. Let him go."

Julian's jaw tightened, but he didn't argue. He walked back to the guards and started giving orders.

Fernandez stood beside me, looking at the valley where Xavier had disappeared.

"You're letting him walk away."

"I'm giving him a chance to walk away. There's a difference."

"Not from where I'm standing."

I looked at him. At the blue hair, the honey eyes, the face I'd known for three years.

"Then maybe you should stand somewhere else."

He didn't answer.

\---

The walk back to the cars took two hours. No one talked much. The guards were tired. Julian was quiet. Fernandez stayed close.

When we reached the cars, my phone buzzed. A message from Elara.

Hear you let Xavier go.

He left on his own.

Same thing.

No. Different thing.

She sent back a thumbs down. I put the phone away.

\---

The castle was quiet when we got back.

I went to my room, showered, changed, sat on the edge of the bed. My shoulder was hurting again. The scar pulled when I moved. Hattie said that would fade. Hattie said a lot of things.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in."

Fernandez opened the door. He was holding two cups of coffee.

"Thought you might need this."

"I need a lot of things."

He handed me a cup. Sat in the chair by the window.

"What happens now?" he asked.

"Now I go back to work. The pack needs an Alpha. The borders need watching. The council needs managing."

"And Xavier?"

"If he comes back, I deal with him. If he doesn't, I forget he exists."

"You think you can forget?"

I took a sip of coffee. It was hot, bitter, exactly what I needed.

"I think I can try."

\---

The next few weeks were quiet.

Too quiet.

Xavier didn't come back. No one heard from him. His people scattered, some crossing into other territories, some disappearing into the wilderness, some turning themselves in to packs that would take them.

Elara called once a week with updates. Nothing new. Nothing important.

Detlef called twice. He was out of the hospital, walking with a cane, trying to put his pack back together. He didn't ask about Xavier. Didn't ask about me. Just talked about patrols and budgets and the difficulty of finding good guards.

I listened. Nodded. Hung up.

Fernandez went back to his pack.

He visited every few weeks, stayed for a few days, left again. We didn't talk about what we were. Didn't need to. We just were.

\---

One night, I was sitting in the study, looking at the map, when Julian came in.

"There's something you need to see."

He handed me a letter. Paper, envelope, no return address.

I opened it.

Zemirah - I'm in a small town in the south. No one knows me here. I work at a dock, loading boats, making enough to eat. It's not much. But it's something. I think about what I did every day. I think about my father. About you. About all the years I wasted being angry. I can't take any of it back. I know that. But I wanted you to know I'm trying to be better. Not for you. For me. - Tasha

I read the letter twice. Folded it. Put it in the drawer.

"What do you want to do?" Julian asked.

"Nothing."

"She's your sister."

"She's the woman who killed my father."

"She's also the woman who hurt you when you were young."

I looked at him. At the face I'd known since I was a child.

"Some things don't get fixed, Julian. Some things just are."

He nodded. He left.

I sat in the dark and thought about Tasha. About the white dress she'd worn when they brought her to the platform. About the way she'd cried when I told her to leave.

She was trying to be better. That was something.

It was not enough, but it was something.

\---

Fernandez came the next weekend.

We walked through the garden behind the castle, the same garden where my mother used to plant flowers before she died. The roses were blooming, red and white, their smell heavy in the air.

"You're quiet," he said.

"I'm always quiet."

"More than usual."

I stopped at the fountain. The water sprayed into the air, caught the light, fell back down.

"Tasha wrote me a letter. Said she's working at a dock in some small town. Loading boats just Trying to be better."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know. Angry. Sad. Nothing. All of it at once."

He stood beside me.

"That's normal."

"Is it?"

"I think so. I think feeling everything at once is the only way to feel anything at all."

I looked at him. At the blue hair, the honey eyes, the face I'd known for three years.

"When did you get so wise?"

"I've always been wise. You just never noticed."

I laughed. It was the first time I'd laughed in weeks.

"There she is," he said.

"There who is?"

"The woman I met in that bar. The one who sat down next to a stranger like she owned the place."

"She's still in here somewhere. Just buried."

"Then dig her up."

I looked at the fountain. At the roses. At the castle where I'd grown up.

"I'm trying."

\---

That night, I wrote a letter back to Tasha.

I told her about the pack, about the council, about the work I was doing. I told her about the garden, about the roses, about the way the fountain looked in the morning light. I didn't tell her I forgave her. I didn't tell her I missed her. I just told her I was still here.

I sealed the envelope and gave it to Julian.

"Send this to the return address on her letter."

"You're writing to her now?"

"I'm writing to someone who used to be my sister. I don't know who she is now. But I'm writing to her anyway."

Julian took the letter. He didn't say anything. Just nodded and walked away.

\---

The next morning, I stood at the gate and watched Fernandez drive away.

"Same time next week?" he asked through the window.

"Same time next week."

He smiled and drove off.

I walked back to the castle, back to the study, back to the desk where my father used to sit.

I had work to do.