Chapter 20 Zemirah.

Chapter 20 Zemirah.
Zemirah.

Julian was in the council room at the end of the east wing.

It had been a while since I saw him, the last time I saw him was when my dad sold me off.

That morning he had a cold expression, I could he was pained.

When I walked into the council room, he was there alone, the table was covered in papers, maps, letters and lists of names.

He looked up when I came in, and for a moment, I thought something like a guilty or surprised look on his face, I couldn't quite say.

"Zemirah," he called out.

"Julian." I smiled partly with my lip.

He stood, pushed his chair back, he had become taller than I could remember, broader, the years had been good to him, but his eyes looked tired, he had dark under eyes bags, I guessed he hadn't slept in days.

"You shouldn't be here Mirah," he said.

"It's my father's pack."

"I'm not opposing that, but your father is dead."

"I know."

He looked past Fernandez, who was standing by the doorway. "Why did you bring him here, he's the Phoenix Alpha, and he's in our territory without permission."

"I don't need permission."

Julian's expression changed. "Things haven't been the same since you left."

"Since I got sold out, you mean?"

He flinched, that felt good.

I walked to the table where he sat to inspect what he was doing, "tell me what happened," I asked.

Julian didn't respond right away, he looked at Fernandez and then back at  me.

"The night your father died, I was in my quarters, I'd worked late into the night, rogues had caused problems around the Northern border, when I got back from addressing the issue, I walked into your father's office, only to find his throat slit, with no struggle sign, it was too late to save him, he had lost a lot of blood.

"Who else has access to this study?"

"Half the pack does, it's not a secured room, anyone at all could have walked in, and unfortunately Tasha walked in."

Julian froze. "You know about Tasha?"

"Her mother told me."

"Her mother is a manipulator, she lies a lot, she's has been trying to secure the position of heir for years, there's nothing she says that can be trusted."

"The journal, it could be trusted though, the one Tasha wrote about killing my father."

Julian was quiet.

"Have you seen it?" I asked.

"No, I haven't."

"Sloane has it, and she handed it to Fernandez."

Julian looked at Fernandez again, this time, he had a stern expression and a hard gaze, "you've been busy."

Fernandez didn't react, he just stood arms crossed watching.

I sat down in one of the chairs, the leather was cold,   this was where my father had sat and made decisions that shaped our pack.

"Where's Tasha?"

"No one knows, she took off the night your father died, and she stole some money from your father's safe, the guard didn't know what had happened, so he let her out that night, and she was alone."

"Which direction did she face, I asked."

"Towards the south coast." Julian answered.

"And all these happened just three weeks ago."

"Yes."

I looked at the map, the coast would take only a days travel, lesser in a car, if you didn't stop during the journey.

"Why didn't anyone go after her?"

Julian's hands curled into fists at his sides. "Because the council is more concerned about who replaces your father for now and we were afraid of bringing the Alpha's daughter back in chains."

"She's not the Alpha's daughter anymore, I am."

Julian stared at me.

"My father had no sons, neither did he have any other children, I am the one the blood passes through, I don't want to be an Alpha, but I can't let Tasha walk away with all she'd done, while this pack tears down itself."

"Zemirah-"

"You were loyal to my father, Julian, he trusted you more than he trusted anyone else, now he's gone, I'd like to know if you can be loyal to me too."

The room was silent, I could hear the clock ticking and the distant sound of someone walking in the hallway.

"How did you become like this?" Julian asked looking downcast.

My mind went back to everything I'd been through, in Detlef's pack.

"I had to stop being afraid, there was no time for that." I said.

Julian stared at me for a long time and nodded.

"I'm loyal to the bloodline, that's you now, whether you want it or not."

I stood. "Good, so this is what's going to happen."

I laid it simple, not giving any room for add-ons or arguments.

The council would be called to meet tomorrow morning, we'd have a coronation ceremony to claim my father's seat, but it's not permanently, I'm not doing this because I want power, but because I want the pack to be held together, till we find Tasha, then we'd know what next to do.

"We need to move fast," I said. "The longer the council fights, the weaker we look, and other packs are watching, they'll start launching attacks on us because they'll think we're vulnerable."

Julian nodded. "The northern border has already been tested twice, there are two small packs, a scout, and no full attacks."

"So who's handling defense?"

"I am, but I'm stretched thin, the patrols are underfunded and understaffed. Your father spent most of the pack's resources on the truce with Detlef, there's nothing left for defense."

I looked at Fernandez, he was still leaning against the doorframe, his face didn't give anything away.

"What about the Phoenix pack?" I asked. "Can you provide any sort of support please."

Julian's head snapped towards Fernandez. "You want to bring him into our territory and politics, are you thinking this through at all?"

"We have to keep this pack from collapsing and right now, he's the only ally we have."

"We don't need allies, we need--"

"We need what? If you want to speak go straight to the fucking point!" My voice rose, but I didn't mean for it to, I was just tired of arguing and watching these men posture while everything was falling apart. "We need wolves, weapons and we need some help to help us hold the line while we figure out who killed my father, and trust me Fernandez can provide us all those things."

"And in exchange for what?"

I looked at Fernandez and he looked back at me.

"Nothing," he said.

Julian laughed. "Alpha's don't give things for nothing."

"I'm not asking for territory or allegiance, I'm just seeking a chance to keep a pack from being destroyed, whatever happens after that is between Mirah and her people."

Julian didn't look convinced, but he didn't argue.

I'll call the council," he said. "They'll meet me tomorrow at dawn."

He left the room, and the  door closed behind him. I stood there for a moment, staring at the papers on the table, then I sat down.

My hands were shaking.

Fernandez moved, he walked to the table, pulled out a chair, sat across from me.

"You did well," he said.

"I felt like I was lying the whole time."

"You know you weren't, you kinda meant every word."

"I don't want to be Alpha in all honesty."

"I know."

"I don't know how to lead a pack and I don't know how to manage a council, it's worse that I don't know how to keep people from killing each other."

"You don't have to know any of that,  tomorrow you just have to brace up and walk into that room and sit in the chair, whatever happens, we’ll figure the rest that comes after."

I looked at him and at the calm on his face and how steady he seemed.

"Have you done this before?” I asked.

" Yeah babe, more times than I can count."

"How did you survive it?"

He leaned back in his chair to think about it.

"I stopped trying to make everyone happy and  I stopped pretending I knew more than I did because in the real sense I didn't. 
I surrounded myself with people who were smarter than me and I let them do their jobs." He paused.

"And I learned that being Alpha isn't about having power. It's about being responsible for people who can't protect themselves. Once I understood that, the rest was just work."

I let that sit in my heart, my father had never talked about it like that. In his opinion, being Alpha was about strength and control and about making sure no one forgot who was in charge.

Maybe that was why he'd failed and that was why he'd sold me, because he'd forgotten that the pack wasn't his to trade. It was his to protect.

"I need to see the body," I said.

Fernandez didn't react. "The grave?"

"The body, I need to see what Tasha did exactly."

"The funeral was days ago, Zemirah. He's been buried."

"Then I need to see the grave."

He stood. "Okay, I'll drive."

\---

The cemetery was behind the pack house. It was small and old. The headstones were weathered, some of them unreadable. My mother was buried here, same with my grandparents and many wolves who had died centuries ago, their names forgotten by everyone except the stones that marked where they lay.

My father's grave was new. The dirt was still dark and still soft. A wooden marker had been placed at the head, waiting for a stone to be carved.

I stood at the edge of the grave and looked down.

Fernandez stayed by the gate. Far enough to give me space and close enough to come if I called, I just noticed how supportive he'd been since we got here.

I thought about the last time I'd seen my father at the meeting hall and those strangers in their chairs and the way he'd coldly told me I was leaving.

I'd been so angry and hurt,  I'd blamed him for everything, for Sloane, and for Tasha. For the years of coldness and distance, for the moment he looked at me like I was a debt to be paid.

But standing here, looking at his grave, I couldn't hold onto the anger anymore.

He was dead, and I was the only one left who could make sure Sloane didn't get away with killing him.

"I'll find her," I said. My voice was quiet. The wind took it, carrying it across the cemetery. "I don't know how or when, but I'll find her and when I do, she'll answer for what she did."

The grave didn't answer, unfortunately graves never do.

I turned and walked back to the gate.

Fernandez opened the car door for me to get in.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"Let's go back to the house, I have a council meeting to prepare for."

He started the engine, the cemetery disappeared behind us.

I watched it go father and father from us, that's where the remains of  my father, my mother and everyone who had come before lay. 
All of them are buried in that small plot behind the pack house.

I didn't look back, this kind of hurt rarely ever goes away.