Chapter 40

Jesse watched her for a few minutes, something was off. Evanna wasn’t this quiet, this long. Leah could be quiet for long periods, but not Evanna. “What’s wrong?”

She glanced at him, taking the time to really look at him. “Just thinking.”

He gave her a half-smirk, “about?”

“Which one do you prefer?”

He looked at the diagram and then at the laptop screen with the paint colors on it. He shrugged, “I don’t have a preference,” he grinned, “as long as it’s not pink.”

Evanna’s brows drew together, “not the color, although, I agree. No pink.” She motioned to herself, “us.”

Jesse opened his mouth and then closed it again to sort through his words. “Are you asking me if I have like you or Leah better?”

She nodded, a serious look on her face.

He squatted down so he could see her face. “Why would you even be thinking about something like that?”

She glanced at the table, but he knew she wasn’t really looking at it. “I was gone yesterday, and you didn’t say a word when you saw it was me.”

“I didn’t know if I should.” He felt his muscles tense, a reaction from his cat’s response to this. “It seemed rude to say, ‘hey welcome back.’

“I guess.”

Jesse had no idea how to word this, how to explain his view on this. “You’re not really gone when Leah is fronting,” She looked at him now, a confused look on her face. “I see you in things she does or expressions, I know you’re close, I know you watch over her all the time.”

She gave a slight shrug. “I need to.”

“I know, I understand that.”

“This is stupid. I’m being stupid, aren’t I?” She sighed.

“I don’t think so. This is new territory for all of us.” He tilted his head to the side, “most men have to worry about keeping a mate happy, I have to do that with both of you.”

“What do you mean keeping a mate happy?”

“Well, it’s like that’s the most important thing, that my cat and I look after you and ensure you’re happy, safe,” he lifted his hand and pointed to himself, “it’s a constant need to the point of distraction.”

She shrugged, “I’m happy.” Her expression said otherwise.

He grinned, “yeah, the huge smile on your face tells me that.”

She glared at him, “maybe not this second, but my head,” she tapped it, “is a mess right now. I feel like I’m jealous of Leah, that-that she was out and spent time with you, and it’s time I lost.”

It felt like his heart was being squeezed to hear that much angst in her voice. “We went over garden plans, where to plant her sunflowers...”

She motioned to the journal, “I know.” Evanna looked down at her hands, “she said she likes kissing you...”

Jesse tried not to smile, “that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“Sure, I guess.”

His cat was one step from having a meltdown, demanding Jesse fix this. He had no idea how to. Dropping to his knees, he reached and turned her in the seat, so she was completely facing him. “You both kiss differently. You both taste differently. I can tell when it’s both of you there and not. I have no preference for one or the other.” He moved his head to follow when she dropped her gaze from his, “it’s like,” he sighed, “it’s like you’re each a part of a whole, does that make sense? I’m constantly scared I’ll do something wrong with both of you, something that will trigger you or upset you, something that will hurt you and affect your whole system.” He shook his head, “I don’t want just one of you, I want all of you, Minn included, there is no choosing or preference at all.” She finally looked right at him; he couldn’t tell what she was thinking at all. Her breathing was a little faster than he’d liked and now he was worried he was going to trigger her by upsetting her. “Hey,” he touched her chin lightly, so she’d completely focus on him and not the internal discussion she was having. “When I kiss you,” he huffed out a breath, “hell, sometimes when I just look at you I want to pick you up and carry you to the bed and lay you down and not stop kissing you, not control myself.” He paused to see if she understood what he was saying. “Every second of every day all I can think about is marking you as mine and binding us together forever. But I can’t, I won’t take a chance of doing that and causing something to go wrong with you, or Leah or your cat.” He shrugged, then shook his head, “and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Evanna sat there, her breathing heavy, her dark eyes locked on his for what felt like an eternity. He searched, trying to find what else he could say to help her through this moment, and couldn’t find anything he thought would be helpful.

“I didn’t know,” she finally said quietly. “So,” she licked her lips, “how do I fix this?” She jerked her head to the side, “I can’t say all of this in the journal, I’m not good with writing stuff. It’s not like I can sit Leah down and talk to her the next time I see her.” She frowned, “I’ve never seen her.” She snorted softly, “and Minn, she’s like pacing in a circle inside us, all the time now, like she’s annoyed with me.” She frowned, “I’m surprised Leah didn’t lose control of her when she was out.”

Jesse nodded his head slowly, “my cat is doing the same.” Her eyes widened in surprise. “It’s because they know we’re mates and to them, they don’t see the problem.” He smirked, “mine is trying to understand, but in his opinion, I’ve found my mate, just mark her and let’s lock this in.”

“Is that what it is?”

He nodded, “more than likely.” His phone vibrated in his pocket, but he ignored it. “I have an idea of how you can see Leah.”

She quirked one eyebrow at him like he’d lost his mind.

“Grab your phone.”

Leaning back, she reached over and picked it up, then held it out to him.

Taking it, he turned it around and opened the camera. “You can take pictures or make a video for her and then her for you.”

“It’s a camera too?” She frowned, “I didn’t want to mess anything up, so I didn’t touch anything but that button you showed me.”

He clicked a few pictures of her and then turned it around and showed her. “A camera, a phone, a notepad, it’s my lifeline.” He grinned.

Taking the phone, she looked at the picture. “I can just talk to my phone, and she’ll see it?”

Getting up, he leaned over and opened the camera again and his video, “just tap this, talk and when you’re done, hit it again.” He stopped it and then replayed him telling her what to do.

“Jesse this is amazing.” She looked up at him and then back to the phone and played it again. “I won’t have to write in the journal anymore.”

He chuckled, “I don’t know about that, it’s a good way to have a record of things, and I know Leah loves that journal.”

“Uh, too much. She loves writing on and on.” She nodded, okay, “this could work, we could talk and see each other.”

Leaning down, he kissed the top of her head. “Good, now you two can get on the same page, hopefully.”

Turning, she looked up at him and then smiled at him and stretched up to kiss his mouth lightly. It was the first time either of them had initiated a real kiss and his cat felt like it was doing flips inside him.

“You record a message for her, and I’ll make sure she sees.” She nodded. “I have to go see who keeps buzzing my phone and deal with that.”

“Okay.” She nodded and looked at the phone again. “Just touch that and talk?” She pointed to it.

“Yep, that’s it.”

“Okay. I’m going to have a chat with Leah.” She sounded so excited.

Jesse went outside and exhaled a deep breath as he stared down the hill. ​He was going to lose his freaking mind if they didn’t figure it out. Leah constantly asked about Evanna, then Evanna felt left out when Leah fronted. Minn, at least he was on level ground with her. As far as he and his cat could tell she just wanted the mating to happen so Jesse’s cat was with hers and he was marked and taken.

Blowing out a breath, he pulled out his phone and looked at it. Calum, Zain, and his mother had all sent messages. He looked at them, trying to decide which one first. Zain, he could handle right now. Jesse was in charge of the clan co-ord team, so he didn’t have to do anything to avoid or appease him. He hit tapped the message to open it.

Two new team members are on board and riding shotgun with the Deva and Amari. They’re going to go over self-defense and weapons, although apparently Gia will not require such a thing according to Amari.

Jesse smirked; he knew she was very proficient in that area. Having four older brothers was good for something.

Calla is pretty good as well, Deva is going to run her through it until she can do it in her sleep. P.S. is it bad for me to admit I’m a little scared of the four kicks women we have working with us?

Jesse laughed, then replied. Keep me posted on their progress, we’re going to need all the help we can get when it comes to visiting those sites. He added a winking emoji, so Zain understood what he was talking about. Also it’s not bad, it means you have a brain to fear our kicks team members. Hitting send, he opened Cal’s message next.

Training is going good. New members of the team are quick studies. We’ll be ready to go by middle of next week. I won’t ask how it’s going. Let me know when you’re heading back.

He read it again while trying to decide if it required a reply. “Shit.” He hit call and started walking down the hill, Thera came running after him to accompany him on his stress walk.

“The fact that you’re calling me tells me how well it’s going.”

Jesse sneered to the amused tone in Calum’s voice. “Yeah, it’s going.”

“I don’t envy you.”

“Thanks, that’s helpful, Cal.”

“If I could be helpful, I would offer. Shae wants to know how Leah and Evanna are.”

“They’re more relaxed here. I have been stalling my family though.” He paused while Cal relayed to his mate. “Does she have any words of wisdom for me?”

He listened as they talked but couldn’t make out much of it.

“She says it always best to talk to them, ask them, include them in your thought process.”

Jesse stood there for a moment so he wouldn’t say the first thing that came to mind, which likely wasn’t complimentary to Cal’s mates’ advice. “Thanks.” That was what he settled on saying out loud.

“Okay, she’s gone to check on Niles and Jay.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yes, it’s just Shae being herself and wanting to heal the world.”

Jesse grinned, “you sound edgy.”

“Impatient.”

“New recruits on my team will be up to speed and ready to help when they finally let you go be you.”

“Are you coming back for that?”

Jesse turned and looked back up at the trailer. “Yeah, we’ll be there.”

“Will you be mated by then? Because I know how distracting it is when you’re close, but not and we’re going to need to be on the top of our game for this.”

He nodded, even though he had no idea. “We’re figuring it out.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Neither do I.” he grinned. “Bear and Creed fitting in good?”

“Yeah, that male instructor is going to be dead soon though if he doesn’t back off on the flirty looks.”

“I’m pretty sure Devin would get upset if you killed Heath.”

Calum chuckled, “it’s not me that wants to, well, not just me. Gage caught him ogling Kelsey this morning.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah. The sooner we’re done with him the better.”

Jesse cleared his throat, “did they get any more information from our visitor?”

“I’m told they have, but Devin wants to share in person.”

“When?”

“He’s coming with us next week, as a coordinator, so to speak.”

“And his princess?”

“Oh, if I know Rayne, she’ll be there with him and have the right boots to wear.”

Jesse grinned, “I’m sure she will at that. It’s risky though, her being back there.”

“He’s aware, and not at all happy about it.”

“So, what you’re saying is he’ll be the most distracted.”

“Yeah, that covers it.”

“Okay.” Jesse glanced down at Thera who was watching the trailer. “I have to go. I still need to talk to Mom.”

“They’re going to have to meet your family at some point, might as well do it sooner than later.”

“I know. I’m just feeling my way along on this.”

“Shae’s advice wasn’t all bad.”

“No, it was good, just not easy.”

Calum laughed that deep annoying laugh of his that always warned Jesse that he was going to say something cliché and yet true.

“Aren’t you the one that told me easy was boring?”

“I was talking about an obstacle course during training.”

“It still applies.”

Thera started back up the hill. “I suppose. I’ll let you know when we’re heading back.”

“Okay, you can probably buy an extra day if you just come to the location we will be at.”

“I might, keep me informed.”

“Will do.” The line went quiet.

Jesse looked at his phone and opened his mother’s message.

Your sisters want to meet your mate, they have something for her.

Dammit, she had to use the girls. That was cheating. He adored those two troublemakers, and she knew it. Stop around after breakfast tomorrow. Just try to get the girls to keep it calm and not crowd her please. Love you.

Tucking the phone back in his pocket, he started walking. He still needed to go over the basic defense with Evanna. Leah had looked like she was going to pass out when he’d tried talking to her about it, so he had to make sure Evanna was good with it. If she wasn’t then he didn’t know how she was going to be able to come with him. Which was a huge problem because he didn’t know if he could leave her behind. Easy is boring. He snorted; he could stand a little bit of boredom right about now.