Angus pulled his arm away again to glance over at Ben. The living room was dark, but the light spilling from the entryway allowed him to see Ben’s face. His eyes were intense and fixed on Angus, and his lips were pressed into a thin line.
Angus straightened and scooted over until their thighs were touching. “I feel like I want to tell someone everything,” he whispered, not dropping his gaze from Ben’s.
“I’m right here,” Ben whispered back, placing his hand on Angus’s thigh.
Angus felt something akin to relief flood through him and he blinked back tears. Maybe sharing would help. Hell, the counselor he’d seen for an entire year following the accident had tried telling him that, but even she hadn’t been able to break through his barriers. Yet here was Ben, ready and willing to listen. It was up to Angus to take the leap.
He took a deep breath and jumped.
“Andrew and I were out with friends.” His voice trembled and Ben tightened his grip on Angus’s leg. He took a deep, shuddering breath and forged ahead. “I met this guy at the bar and we…we were really hitting it off. Andrew said he was getting a headache and wanted to leave.” He glanced at Ben. “We’d come together in my car,” he explained.
Ben nodded and waited for him to continue.
“I kept telling him ten more minutes because I was having such a good time and…shit!” Angus raked hishands through his unruly curls. “I was thinking with my dick and not caring that my brother wasn’t feeling good.” He hazarded a glance at Ben again, and when he saw no judgement in the man’s gaze, he closed his eyes and continued. “I finally got the guy’s number and looked around for Andrew, but didn’t see him. Someone told me he’d left with our friend Mike.”
“Mike rode a bike?” Ben guessed.
Angus nodded. “Yeah,” he answered, his voice shaking. “And he didn’t have an extra helmet, so I guess they thought they could make it since it was such a short distance home, but…they were hit by a drunk driver. Some idiot who’d been arrested more than four times before for drunk driving. He shouldn’t have even been on the road.”
“Shit,” Ben hissed.
“Yeah…” Angus agreed, quietly.
“Did Mike make it?”
Angus shook his head. “They both died on impact.”
Facing Angus, Ben cupped his cheeks and brushed away tears Angus hadn’t even realized were streaming down his face.
“You’ve been thinking this was your fault for ten years?”
Angus nodded. “It was,” he claimed. “Andrew died because of me!”
Ben pulled him close. “Shh. You did nothing wrong. This wasn’t anyone’s fault. Sometimes there’s norhyme or reason to a tragedy. Sometimes it just is.”
Angus shuddered hard as hot tears fell and something that felt like freedom rolled through him. He didn’t have time to analyze it as Ben pulled him closer, until he leaned against Ben’s chest, snuggled between Ben’s thighs. Ben stroked his hair and murmured words Angus couldn’t make out, but they didn’t matter. It was the way Ben held him. The way Ben didn’t judge. For the first time since thewreck a decade ago, Angus was finally able to let go and grieve.
He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that on the sofa. At some point he’d cried himself to sleep. When he woke they were stretched out, himself against the back of the sofa and Ben’s arm crooked aroundhim.
The light was still on in the entryway and Angus briefly thought about getting up to turn it off, but then Ben shifted in his sleep and pulled Angus closer. For the first time in years, he felt at peace.
He wasn’t sure what, if anything, was going to happen with Ben, but he would never forget what the man had done for him. Angus closed his eyes and breathed in Ben’s scent, letting it lull him back to sleep.
* * * *
When morning came and his bladder forced him awake, Ben opened his eyes and took stock of where he was. He smiled when he realized Angus was still in his arms. Funny, this was probably the best first night he’d slept with a man and they hadn’t had sex. Hell, they hadn’t even kissed.
He shifted and his bladder complained, so he tried to slip his arm out from under Angus without waking the man. He failed.
Angus blinked at Ben, a tiny wrinkle between his eyes.
“Morning,” Ben said.
A sleepy smile spread across Angus’s face. “Morning.” Angus stretched, jostling Ben, which remindedhim once again that he needed to get up.
“Bathroom?”
Angus sat up and let Ben have his arm back. “Down the hall.”
Ben hated pulling away from Angus, but nature called. He rose from the sofa and headed down the hall.