As I washed my hands with the school’s hideously floral soap, I checked myself in the mirror and sighed. While Jeff had been lucky enough to be over six-feet tall, I had stopped growing at five-eight. This year, I had cut my mass of dark blonde hair into something more stylish, and so far I liked it. Keeping it pretty short on the sides sure made it easy to dry and take care of in the morning. The top was a little longer and I combed it forward before tousling it and making it stand up a little. Honestly, it took me a few days to figure out how to style it.
I straightened my shoulders. Yeah, I was never going to be ruggedly handsome, or even sexy. Petite. Lithe. Somewhat toned because Jeff dragged me out running about four mornings a week.
Hazel eyes. Petite facial features. Dimples in both cheeks that I hated.
The bell rang and I cursed for wasting time admiring myself in the mirror. Well, “critiquing” was probably a better word for it, but whatever. I was late to physics. Again. Crap. I pushed open the door and ran down the hall. Mr. Bracket hated tardiness.
* * * *
Hours later, I waited in the parking lot, leaning against Jeff’s old Chevy pickup, still upset about the damn detention Mr. Bracket had given me for the first day back after spring break. I kept an eye on the door for Jeff, and when he finally exited the building, he was walking with Kevin Mason. They were laughing about something, but when Jeff saw me, he waved. I waved back, nodding to Kevin.
Jeff jogged to the truck. “Kevin just said he’s having a birthday get-together next week while we’reoff for spring break. He’s turning eighteen. Want to go?”
I grinned. “That sounds like fun. It’s been a while since we all got to hang out,” I told him as we climbed into his truck.
“Completely agree,” he said. He found his favorite playlist and turned up the music before we left.
The main road leading from the high school was full of teenagers eager to get their spring break started. I was looking forward to it, too, but I kept wondering what Jeff wanted to talk about. Probablycollege. He had been trying to talk me into going to the same one for months now. I just couldn’t tell him why I couldn’t leave my mom or sister behind. Sometimes I felt guilty that I kept that part of my life private, but there were just some things a person couldn’t share.
I watched the trail of cars behind us through the side view mirror as the kids began to turn off toward their homes. It was our senior year and I had grown up with most of the students in our class, but I wondered what it would be like after graduation. Would we all stay in touch? People drift apart. God, I hoped Jeff and I wouldn’t.
I slid my gaze to him. He was mouthing the words to the music, not daring to let a sound escape his lips. Poor guy. He loved music, but couldn’t carry a tune. Jeff was the worst singer I had ever heard. Even the middle school choir teacher thought the same thing, letting him transfer out the second week of class. He just had no rhythm to speak of. He hadn’t done much better playing the oboe in band, but he’dtried so hard. I bit my cheek to keep from smiling too big.
He didn’t seem too upset, so maybe whatever was on his mind wasn’t bad. Although, looking back over the last few weeks, he had seemed quieter. Almost shy sometimes when we hung out. I had chalked it up to senior stress, but maybe there was something else. Plus, he did have a crush on someone. Someone with hazel eyes.
If a man talked about my eyes the way he had earlier, I think I would have melted. He obviously had it bad for someone. I tried to filter through the girls in our school, eliminating the ones I knew who had blue or brown eyes. Of course, to be honest, I didn’t really pay that much attention to girls’ eyes, for obvious reasons.
My gut clenched as it dawned on me it might not be college or his crush that he wanted to talk about. Oh, God! What if he had figured out my secret? Fuck. I really did want to tell him—I was so tired of living a lie. Yet I also knew I couldn’t lose my best friend at this point in my life, and if he didn’t understand or accept me, I would be lost.
Tears sprang to my eyes, and I looked down, trying to keep myself in check. Great, now I was going to start crying like a girl. My dad’s angry voice echoed in my head telling me to “man the fuck up.” A sniffle escaped.