Chapter 190 He is not coming back.

Chapter 190 He is not coming back.
CHAPTER 190
He is not coming back.
SAINT
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“Across centuries and the void of a world, sleepless, I seek you – Rafael Alberti.”
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“I know you have a lot of questions.” Mom places cups of tea before us, beside the croissants.

The curtains have been drawn and the morning sun is pouring in. Tom is seated stiffly beside her, which might seem closed off, but that is just how he is. 

“Something like that.” Reid presses his knee against mine, and I look at him, cheeks colouring. Will I ever get used to this? To our relationship being out in the open?

“Tom and I met three years ago.” Mom begins, folding her legs. “We met in therapy. I have been seeing Dr Ivy for a while now. As you know, there are things I need to figure out on my own, and I didn’t want to project my problems to you. We did a lot of virtual sessions before meeting physically during her visits. There, she mentioned corrective experiences.” 

“What does that mean?” I pinch the bridge of my nose. 

“It means layering bad memories with good ones. To heal from a bad relationship, you might have to get in a new relationship to show you that not all relationships are bad. We need to rewire our brain to help it move on from always expecting the worst, to seeing that sometimes, things work out. I wasn’t really into it – a new relationship wasn’t a priority for me. I had my fears, which were justified, so she suggested friendship.” She explains softly, fiddling with her hands as I always do when I’m nervous. 

“Logan alienated me when we were together, which should have been one of the many red flags, but that’s water under the bridge, right. I didn't have a lot of friends and didn’t know how to get back into one. I was surprised when she told me about Tom – he, unlike me, lost his wife a couple of years earlier, and had no interest in a relationship, but could be open to a friendship. Tom’s only condition was his son. He wanted friendship with me, because you and Reid were agemates. He hoped you boys could help each other.” She tries to choose her words carefully, but it is clear. 

Reid looks at his Dad, stunned, and runs his hand through his hair, confused. “I don’t understand. I had friends before Saint.” 

“But you were alone,” Tom answers gruffly. “You moved around like a robot, going to parties only because you had to, not because you wanted to. Your life was a tiny box, and you were so angry with everyone, even though you never showed it. I thought bringing in someone different from what you were used to would help you live. You had just turned nineteen, and I wanted to try before you left for college.” 

“Dad,” he groans, running his hand over his face, face flushed with surprise. 

I glance at my mom, amused by her scheming. “I thought you moved us to New York because of your job.” 

“That wasn’t a lie. I got a new job here, and wanted to get out of London in case your father ever got out.” She answers pointedly. 

My amusement drains out instantly, and my stomach bottoms. “He is not getting out.”

“Yes, yes, he is not. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” She says quickly, sitting up. “He isn’t getting out of prison. He will never touch you again. He can never even find us. We’re fine. We’re safe.” 

The chill doesn’t stop spreading through me like a sickness. I lick my lips slowly and shut my eyes. Fuck. Why am I so scared? I’m not seven anymore. I’m nineteen now. I’m almost twenty. I’m bigger and stronger. I … I can take care of myself. Mom has a gun, with a permit. We are fine. We are safe. I know that, but … fuck. Reid grips my knee, and I look at him. 

“He is not touching you, Saint, not anymore,” Tom assures me firmly.

I nod slowly, hoping their words are true. Logan is gone. He isn’t coming back. He can’t find me. 

“Saint and I didn’t get along initially, at least not for the first few months. What was your plan then?” Reid changes the subject, and I’m grateful. 

“Hope, I guess.” Mom shrugs with a smile. “You are so different, and we hoped your difference could bring you together. Eventually you got over your discomfort and found friendship.” She pauses, and grins sheepishly. “Well, obviously not friendship from the looks of it. We didn’t expect a relationship, but that’s a good thing, right? I’m happy you’re happy. Our plan worked.” 

“Your plan worked?” I scoffed and narrowed my gaze at her. “Your plan was shit. Our relationship wasn’t born out of your schemings or your mechanics. We are not soulmates or written in the stars, or mythical bullshit like that. We are together because we willed it to be. We are together because we want to be together. Maybe you did help by putting us close to each other, but we would have found each other either way, whether in College or bumped into each other in a restaurant. We were always going to be together, so do not take all the credit, mother.” 

“You are right.” She giggles, cheeks flushed. “How romantic.” 

“Very.” Reid grins, nudging my shoulder with his.

“We shouldn’t have messed around with you like that, but our intention was pure,” Tom adds after a moment. “I was worried we might have made a mistake when you kept fighting. You were so different, stark opposites, and it could have gone badly, but as you said, Saint, we cannot take all the credit. We only put two people in the same place, and hoped you could help each other … heal.”

Help each other heal?

How can he say that when his son is in a cast because of me? Reid’s impact on my life is clear. He has changed my life, but my impact on his life is uncertain. Have I wrecked it? Does that make me a good influence? I’m not quite sure. He was willing to risk it all for me. Tom might not say it, but this isn’t what he signed up for. This isn’t what Mom signed up for either. She didn’t know I never stopped using, and neither did Tom. Not only have I been using under his roof, but I have exposed his son to danger. 

I need to get myself in order.

“Still a bit invasive and controlling, Dad, which is shocking, coming from you.” Reid gives his Dad a look. 

“I would apologise, but we’ve all been keeping secrets from each other, which cancels out,” Tom says cheekily.

“I’m not sure that is how it works.” I point out, lightness spreading in my chest. 

“That’s how it works for me.” He shrugs, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Now, let’s move on to an important conversation.” Mom leans forward, a serious expression on her face. 

I glance at Reid, confused. 

“I assume you boys have been … intimate, and as much as a baby isn’t getting in the mix, we still need to talk about safety … about protection.” She enunciates her words carefully.

My eyes widen in horror when I realise what she’s trying to say. “MOM, NO!”

“I’m only trying to –”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!”