Chapter 188 The only thing that matters.

Chapter 188 The only thing that matters.
CHAPTER 188
The only thing that matters.
SAINT
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“And I sit here without identity, faceless. My head aches … I’m lost – Sylvia Plath.”
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“You’re not together?” He glances at his Dad, then at my mom. Looks like she has been keeping secrets too. We have long-overdue conversations. I’m not sure I’m ready for it.

“We are old friends, companions even, but it has always been platonic between us.” Tom nods, staring at him with warmth, and it makes my heart ache because I’ll never have a father look at me with so much care.

He blinks slowly and presses his hand to his temple. He doesn’t look good, and it pisses me off. What is taking the doctor so long? I can still see the moment Jace’s boot came down on his knee, the sharpness and cruelty behind it. He was a fucking bitch, and he did it to spite me. He cannot get away with this. One way, I’ll make him pay for everything. He is going to get what is coming for him, but first, I need to handle this mess.

“Oh.” Allie whistles, looking excited by the way we are unravelling. Despite everything, I’m amused. 

Reid tries to move his knee, only to grunt in pain. Shit. Where is the doctor?

“Hey, hey.” I wipe the sweat from his forehead with my sleeves.

“Hi.” He smiles at me, and warmth spreads in my chest like an ember. 

“I’m sure the doctor is on her way. Hold on a bit, would you?” I press my thumb over his eyebrows, and his eyes flutter closed at my touch.

“How did we not know?” Bodhi blurts, incredulously. 

“I’ll hasten the doctor up.” Coach sighs and heads for the door, only for a knock to cut through before he reaches for it. 

Tom turns the lock, and the doctor walks in, followed by the school’s nurse. 

She looks around the room, confused by the crowd. “What are you all doing here? He is supposed to be resting.” She glares at everyone. “Out now, everyone!”

Our friends shuffle out. Coach stands by the door with our parents. I don’t leave his side. I cannot bring myself to leave. The doctor ignores me and gets to work. He doesn’t feel it when she injects him with painkillers. Soon, he starts to fall asleep, and I assure him, “I’m not leaving.”

Once the doctor is done wrapping his knee, she leaves with the nurse. Coach and Tom follow them outside. I settle into the chair, and finally take a deep breath.

“Do you want me to get you a bottle of water?” Mom asks softly. 

I look at her and shake my head, cheeks burning. “No, I’m fine.” 

“You are not, but we are going to talk about that when we get home. For now, you will settle for a bottle of water.” She decides and walks out before I can say a thing. 

I let go of Reid’s hand so he can sleep conveniently. He’ll be asleep in about an hour, and we’ll go home. He’ll have to use crutches for a few weeks, and it’ll all be my fault, because I couldn’t control myself. I thought I was doing the right thing. 

I cannot keep doing this. 

I came close to imploding his life, imploding everything for a few moments of euphoria. It hurts that he has to be injured for me to decide to quit, but I have to quit, not because of him, but because this isn’t the life I want to live. I finally understand what Ivy was saying, but at what cost?

Mom returns to the room with a bottle of water. I take it from her and almost finish it at once. 

Tom and Coach Tucker return to the room. I sit upright, knowing the conversation we’re about to have. 

“This is a mess, but you need to understand something, Tucker.” Mom gives him a stern look. “Their relationship is none of your business, none of the school’s business. Even if Tom and I were married, it still wouldn’t be your business. The team is your business, and I understand the ultimate decision is in your hands, but choose your words carefully. He is your player, but he is my boy, my son.” 

“He is our son. They both are. You will extend whatever courtesy you’re giving Reid to Saint too. I’m unwilling to sacrifice one for the other, and well, you know where Reid stands.” Tom adds, looking at his son’s sleeping form with furrowed brows. 

Coach exhales deeply, shoulders slumping. He looks exhausted and confused. 

This is my mess, and I will clean it up. 

“You can kick me off the team,” I murmur, clenching my teeth hard. 

His head snaps up. 

“I shouldn’t have played when I was intoxicated. I put Reid and the rest of the team at risk. I will be off the team for as long as you want me to be. I will …” I bite my lip hard and meet his eyes. “I will get help and fix myself, I promise. There is a problem, but it can be solved. It kills me to have the epiphany right now, but I am promising you – I am going to get my issues handled. You don’t have to welcome me back on your team if you don’t want to: it isn’t why I’m getting help.” 

He sighs softly and clasps his hand on my shoulder. “You are my boy, Saint. You are one of the best players I have ever seen, and I want you to be fine. You can talk to me whenever you want; let me know how I can help you handle this.” 

I nod stiffly. 

“What of Reid? He’s hellbent on leaving with you.” Coach gestures towards Reid sleeping form. 

“He won’t leave. I won’t let him. I’ll handle that.” I run my hand through my hair. In a totally different situation, I would have found it amusing that only I can convince Reid to stay on the team; I would have loved the hold I have over him, but it only reminds me of where we now stand. 

“We need to contain this,” Tom states firmly. “Good thing the team are taking a month break now that Crownhill is out of the season. Reid will heal in the one month, and perhaps Saint can be allowed to train with his friends. He doesn’t get on the field unless you want him to.” 

Coach hesitates but nods reluctantly, “Alright. That way, he is still on the team, but not playing on the field.”

“I’m sure we can find a way around this.” Mom smiles hopefully. 

I want to latch on to her hope, but the chances of me playing a match again are very low. I had my chance, and I fucked it up. There are no second chances. 

“Why don’t I bring the car around? We can leave when Reid wakes up. Tonight has been a lot for everyone.” Tom suggests, and I nod slowly. 

The three of them leave, and I’m left with the consequences of my actions. I don’t know what’s waiting for me when I get home. Maybe Tom will switch and kick me out of his house. Maybe Mom will try to lock me up in rehab. I don’t know, but none of that matters for now. I fall asleep to Reid’s soft heartbeat, knowing he is the only thing that matters.