Chapter 35

Chapter 35
35

Jennifer

I could be unpredictable to an extent that it started to tease me. These days my mind had been testing my own heart. Everything felt weird, everything I did was weird and I had no reasonable explanation for this ridiculousness. Last night, I woke up to Luciano's face and My God, how relieved I felt to be around him, This feeling happened to arrest me for the second time. The look the feeling brought was all over my face and I knew it was too late to mask as Luciano saw it all. But after a couple of minutes of talking with him, my past memories started to kick in my system and I was left with pain again.

Kidnapping, being his captive, running away, coming back to him, forced to marry him for the sake of my family and now, growing an unforeseen foetus in my womb. It wasn't easy to forget what he did to me. Though my heart had started to fight for him but my mind rejected his affection at every point. Yet, I had no idea which side I should be on.

Last night, I teased Luciano deliberately because I felt like doing that. I no longer could deny the love in his eyes whenever he would look at me. It gets me into an intense pull toward him which would leave me in a condition of not getting away with all these butterflies in my stomach.

Since the abduction, my views about him have slightly changed. I was aware he was a heartless man in front of the world but on the same line, he tried to be a family guy for his people. I had seen the craze in his eyes to protect his family from every harm and it's fucking a turn-on now; realising he was the one who saved me from dying that day.

I wondered what he did to Killian and Sofia. He could not kill them, right?

I was up in bed. It had been two weeks since my surgery and I had been taken care of by Luciano himself. Since that day, he's been super cooperative with me. He took me to dinners, let me eat anything I crave, took me on long drives every night or anywhere I would ask. For some time, I would forget that he was the same guy I used to loathe, hate or blame for my depression.

He had become my Genie lantern, everything I would spit out of my mouth, he just made it happen, for instance; I teased him expressing I liked Lamborghini in red and he actually bought me one on the same day, then I mentioned it's my wish to grab a coffee on a rainy day and have a good talk, he took a note of it and fulfil my little wish just to get me happy. Another wish again happened on the same day, I told Natasha I wish to have a sky lunch; later on the next day, he arranged a brunch in the cloudy sky—I must admit, it was one of the best days of my life.

And now, I was getting ready by the artist for a business party to attend with him. He said he would like to introduce me to his empire and that it would be an honour for him to announce that we were pregnant. Whoa, shocking! Isn't it?

It was strange how he requested his team to bring their partners to dinner only to see me. I wondered why he would want to introduce me when I was only here for a certain period of time? A year then I would be gone. What would he explain to them then? It must be intentional. I knew it.

Was he proud of declaring that he got married to a broke criminal justice student while being in the grand mafia league or was it the thing that he wanted to show off that he punished a criminal law student by knocking her out for acting too smart?

And besides, would it be okay to go to that party? I mean I didn't want any trouble after the divorce.

As if you really wanna get a divorce. My subconscious rolled its eyes on me.

Argh. Okay. Yeah.

it was somehow true that I had no intention of demanding a divorce from him after a year but it had to be done anyway. My ego wouldn't let me live if I would ask him to terminate the contract. He mentioned doing that many times but every bit of me screams at me to not be too polite with him.

We went to the party, we came back after marking a great night again of my life, that now, I had started doubting my decision of actually leaving him. The way he introduced me to everyone as if I was the only thing he could keep his eyes on. Everybody congratulated us for being parents in no time, not realising the affect the topic had on my heart.

Since the day Luciano mentioned me leaving his child all to him and never being able to see him grow, I had been shattered in multiple ways. It is simply unethical to keep a child away from his mother. I admitted that at first I was angry over the pregnancy news and I thought about aborting the baby but now, I might have started to acknowledge him in my belly, like I could feel him with me all the time.

And the thought of losing this sensation almost killed me every time. I even cried privately over it. I had decided that I would make a way out and do everything it would take to see him grow and for that, I had to talk to Luciano.

We were in the car, I was looking out with a pensive look and bearing all the jumble of my mind. I moved my head around to find Luciano occupied to his tablet and making a few taps on the screen. I blinked twice before opening my mouth but couldn't utter anything as he chose to take the first step. "No, I have nothing to do with Salina, she's just an employee doing her best to get her boss on her fingers," He chose to clear speculation rooting in my mind. How come he knew I had that feeling about Salina?

I had my mouth a little open when he turned toward me with a heart-throbbing smile. My God, this smile would kill me. if not he would have been a cruel man to at first, I had been dying to be in his life forever. But alas, I had to leave him, And for that, I needed to keep myself away from his charms and gentleness and only maintain his bad side in my mind.

"I wasn't thinking about that..." I told him. Although it was somewhere in the back of my mind, I had other things to worry about, such as, "I actually wanted to talk to you about a serious thing," I said to him and his forehead creased lines. He turned serious in a snap.

"I'm all ears," He pressed the button and the screen of the tablet turned blank.

I knew his personal guard would hear the argument. "It's actually about the baby," I didn't know what words I had to use in order to make sense.

He nodded lightly, "Yeah, I'm listening, strawberry. You can say all you want," He mumbled politely. I heaved a sigh and looked down at my twisted fingers and glanced back at him anxiously.

"I was thinking about the future of this child... I mean... in a few months I would deliver him and then following months later, we will get divorced according to the contract. I was thinking he would be alone with you while the most he would need is me, but... the contract says you are the one who will keep him in the first place and..." I stopped, not knowing how to confess I wanted to stay a little more, might be for the baby... might be to convince myself to love him back.

"And...?" He raised his eyebrows, blessing me his graceful composed look. He looked better when he's calm and it's mostly around me otherwise I had mistakenly seen him flaring over his employees over trivial matters.

"And I thought I should stay with him until he's old enough to live without a mother," I spoke with an inaudible tremble in my voice notes but I could feel he noticed my perturbation. "Or take him with me if you are not comfortable with the violating contract thing," I said anyway.

"No. He is not going anywhere while I'm still alive. And also, your statement forces me to mention the appropriate age for a kid to be able to live without a parent is eighteen, if I let you live with him for his betterment, then... are you willing to stay with him that long?" His frown deepened and he turned toward me with a scary look.

"No, but I can visit him whenever he would need me," I defended my side.

"No. I can't allow you to treat our child like a poor orphan. He would live nothing like that. I cannot be a careless businessman nor a careless father for even a second. Right now, for me, you come first over anything and when this child would be in this world, it would get hard for me to choose between who I should listen to... As a dutiful parent, I will not overrule our child's basic right of having both of his parents with him," He stated while being in deep thoughts.

My point exact that I could not give this child the life he could provide but also, I could not live normally knowing I have a son who was motherless. That would be beyond cruelty.

He can simply buy a mother for him. Money buys everything, sweetheart. My subconscious was playing a narcissistic bitch role in my head while I had no tolerance to bear that crap.

I looked at him, finding him religiously invested in me that my skin burned with the intensity. "So, what are you thinking? Is there a mutual way?" I asked.

"Yes, there is and I have been telling since the day you opened your eyes on the medical bed," Luciano smirked and I understood what exactly he meant; that I would take the lead on terminating the contract.

Again, my ego struck before I could make any emotional decision.

I shook my head and looked down, "I can't...I told you that,"

"But you haven't told me the reason behind your refusal. I won't consider your stance until you give me a solid reason..." He stopped, giving me a moment to speak. "...Is it beyond our child's mental health," He stated. For some strange reason, I hated him for commenting on mental health as if he cared about mine when he sexually exploited me.

"The reason is all that I can't be with my rapist. If I'm sitting with you in this car, it's all because I don't have the heart to hurt you the way you hurt me," My voice got a higher note and I mentally scolded myself for getting hyper.

"But haven't I made it unto you? I'm doing everything it takes to fill the void in your heart and I even apologised for my mistake, I'm sorry by heart," He husked. Was he proud or something? And that was not a mistake he made, but a crime he committed. I failed to understand how his mind was functioning. Didn't he feel empathy or guilty for what he did to me?

"It's not that simple, Luciano. My body is not a sponge for your frustration. I feel things more than you do and I can't stop thinking about what you did to me even when I do want to forget all of it," I argued back, again being on the verge of rolling tears. "It's just the past that haunts me again and again," I hated letting my tears fall out.

But Luciano was quick to wipe them away.

"Strawberry, look, sweetheart. I understand the mood swings you're bearing these days but I want you to think logically... think about the child, you understand that he will his needs in order to grow like a man. He will need a mother's touch, mother's milk and most importantly, a mother's affection to grow healthy and for that, you have to be with him," He schooled me. I had this thought of why I even started this conversation when I knew it would end up in something like this.

This wasn't fair. I had months till I gave birth to him, but I was already scared of losing him the second this baby would come out. It trembled me to my core. Being away felt the hardest thing to do and I wasn't ready for it.

I turned my head back to the window without replying to him. He kept asking for my attention and even held my hand and kissed it to make me feel better but nothing seemed like helping. Just that awful thought was stuck in my head and I was terrified.

That night, I fought to sleep without him on the bed but I ended up sleeping in Luciano's embrace as usual. He just wouldn't let me be alone. It'd become his habit to caress me, hug me from behind and keep me warm all night.

Many nights had passed like this and it took me seven months to finally get a night without him sleeping beside me. It was when he had to leave for work even though he tried his best to manage from Italy. He left for one week but ended up coming back sooner because I panicked over having pains in my abdomen. I thought it was time before the due date.

I was nine and a half months pregnant now and I could give birth to this boy any day. Why did I say this was a boy? Because Natasha forced me to look for the gender even though I didn't want that but she ended up surprising both of us by telling us we were having a baby boy.

"Strawberry, are you okay now?" I was panting badly after throwing up in the toilet. Luciano woke up when I left him and followed me, finding me vomiting, he even cared to hold my hair for me. He did that every time.

"I'm better," I gasped as I filled enough air in my lungs.

"Do I need to make a call for Dr. Bianchi for assurance?" He asked as if he was the one enduring the sickness. But I noticed he was more nervous about the delivery than I was. That thought inwardly made me beam secretly.

"No, it's fine. I need a good sleep and it will go away on its own," I told him, rubbing my chest and descending my hand to my huge round belly. Luciano stood up, offering me his hand which I took because why not, it's impossible to get up all on my own with this massive bump.

He took me to bed and caressed me until I dozed off to sleep only to wake up by a bone-breaking pain in my uterus that I ended up shrieking. Luciano was a light sleeper so he was up before a second could tick. I was yelling and suffering in pain while he called for the gynaecologist.

I knew the time was here. I was going to give birth to this baby.