CHAPTER 96

CHAPTER 96
They ended up buying half the shop.

Mum bought neon tea towels, a doormat with pink feet on it, hooks shaped like dogs wagging their tails and a load of meatballs for the freezer.

Dad bought drawer tidies, Tupperware and plastic boxes for all his screws.

Mum’s added meatballs to the pub specials menu.

Tuesday September 29th

Mum and Dad have spent all day trying to put together the IKEA wardrobe.

It’s the first time I’ve heard Dad swear in years.

Mum was storming around the place shouting, ‘If I ever see another Allen key, I’m going to shove it up someone’s arse.’

She’s taken meatballs off the pub menu.

Wednesday September 30th

Katy has started waking up again at night.

I know I should try and ignore her and teach her to settle herself.

But it’s like there are two people in my head, arguing with each other. And the one shouting SHE COULD BE HUNGRY! always wins.

Thursday October 1st

Katy slept for twelve hours straight!

I woke up at five, worrying that she’d died.

Then I spent the next two hours going back and forth, checking her breathing.

She woke up at seven, all happy and well rested.

I was red-eyed and irritable, just like always.

Saturday October 3rd

Mum and Callum’s birthday today.

Everyone says it’s a coincidence that they were born on the same day, but I think God knows they’re kindred spirits.

Mum celebrated by buying a giant trampoline for the pub garden.

It’s the size of a swimming pool and takes Callum a full minute to bounce from one side to the other.

I’m a bit worried Callum might break a limb. I read somewhere that trampolines cause lots of childhood accidents these days. And Callum is one of those kids who leaps first and looks later.

I bought Mum a yard of Cadbury’s Whole Nut as her birthday present.

I used to buy her expensive bath products and lovely things for the home. But she always gives them straight to charity.

Chocolate is the only thing I can guarantee she’ll be delighted by every time.

Gave Callum school things – pencil case, pencils etc. But he looked a bit disappointed, so I think next year I’ll buy him a violent computer game.

Sunday October 4th

Mum has broken her wrist on the trampoline.

Doctor Slaughter came round on an emergency visit. He looked in the fridge and told Mum off for having a salad drawer full of fun-size chocolate. Then he told her she’d have to go to A&E and wait in line.

Mum said she and Dad pay five times more taxes than most people AND have private healthcare, so she shouldn’t have to wait.

Dr Slaughter said private health insurance didn’t cover stupidity.

Tuesday October 6th

I will never understand Katy’s eating habits.

The only thing she’ll eat off a spoon is bananas, porridge and angel delight (that last one is Mum’s fault).

And yet she roams around the house eating leaves, stones, old dried-up hard food and bits of carpet fluff. She even tries to grab her nappy and eat it while I’m changing her.

How did human beings ever evolve from caves?

Wednesday October 7th

9am

I’ve lost four more pounds! WOOOOOOO!

I’m going to celebrate with an Options Hot Chocolate drink, exotic mint flavour.

10am

Exotic mint flavour tastes like muddy toothpaste. Even Katy didn’t like it. She made a face and spat it down her little ballerina outfit.

4pm

Just got back from ‘Little Tiddles Play Time’ at the village hall.

Katy tried to eat the big crinkly blanket all the babies were supposed to lay on.

Then, while I was changing her, she grabbed the nappy and hurled it across the room.

I used two packs of wet wipes to clean up, saying ‘sorry, sorry’ the whole time.

The woman who ran the group said, ‘It’s fine.’ But I could tell she was annoyed. She was muttering about the big crinkly blanket being dry clean only.

Thursday October 8th

Ran all the way around the village three times today.

AndthenI ran along the trail into the woods, past the river and all the birds and boats.

I kept thinking about Alex – wondering if I’d bump into him.

But I didn’t see him today.

I bet he’ll make a really good time in the marathon.

Me – I just want to finish. But the more I run, the more I’m thinking … maybe I will finish. Maybe I will.

It’s definitely getting harder as the weather gets colder, though. The air is really starting to hurt my chest.

Friday October 9th

A funny day today. Alex Dalton’s solicitor called.

His name is Jeremy Samuels. He’s one of those forthright, shouty men who make you hold the phone a little bit away from your ear.

‘Alex said I should put my foot down with you,’ he shouted. ‘He said you were being very silly and saying you wanted to use some local fellow. But he’s decided it’s me you should be using, and he will foot the bill. Who is this local fellow, anyway?’

I told him it was Ted Grunty.

He said, ‘Good Lord! The chap who forged all those signatures?’

Then he said, ‘I’ll have a word with Ted. He’ll understand. All’s fair in love and law. Then we’ll go about getting you a settlement. Alex says you’re a lovely girl – you deserve a decent amount.’

A lovely girl!

Did Alex really say that about me?

Amazing!

Saturday October 10th

Althea and I met at the pottery café again today.

We probably should have learned our lesson from last time. Wolfgang and breakable things don’t mix.

Within three minutes, he’d smashed a plate with baby handprints on it and a soup mug that said ‘I love you Daddy’.