CHAPTER 86
CHAPTER 86
Poor Katy. Poor, poor Katy.
Sunday August 2nd
Desperate to find out more about Sadie and Nick, but nothing on Facebook. Just the usual daily selfies from both of them.
I keep checking Sadie’s relationship status.
She’s single. Like Nick.
Maybe they’re not actually living together. Maybe she just came round to see him that one day. And threw her stuff everywhere …
Tuesday August 4th
Brandi’s birthday.
Her favourite present was a T-shirt from Mum. It was skintight, bright pink and said, ‘I’m a Mum, not a Nun’.
I used three different pots of glitter to make Brandi’s birthday card.
Brandi said, ‘What’s that big sparkly splodge on the front?’
I said, ‘Your niece’s handprint.’
She said, ‘My niece? Who’s my niece?’
I said, ‘Katyis your niece.’
She nodded slowly, like it was all suddenly making sense.
Then she said, ‘So is KatyCallum’sniece too?’
No wonder she failed all her exams at school.
Wednesday August 5th
The health visitor came round today.
She was a big, busty clucky lady called Pam Fairy who had a lot of strong opinions about the right and wrong way to look after babies.
I could tell Mum was itching to disagree with her. Having ‘got through’ three kids of her own, Mum can’t stand it when anyone else has opinions.
Pam pulled her notes out and asked lots of questions about my sudden change of address.
Then she said, ‘You had a nice arrangement, didn’t you? Fancy apartment in London. Katy’s father on hand. Any chance of a Mummy-Daddy reunion?’
I said, ‘I don’t think so.’
Mum added helpfully, ‘He slept with her best friend, Mrs Fairy. They broke up on her wedding day.’
Then Pam said, ‘Oh,you're the Great Oakley Runaway Bride!’ And looked all pleased, like she’d met a celebrity. Then she remembered herself and started asking about Katy’s diet.
Mum told Pam that Katy loved Cheesy Wotsits.
Pam went all serious and asked about vegetables.
Mum said, ‘She likes potato smiley faces. And tomato ketchup.’
She didn’t bother to mention all the organic vegetables I puree!
Pam gave us a long lecture about nutrition and pulled out leaflets about healthy baby food.
Then she told us to ring her if we needed anything else. Apparently health visitors offer a sort of ‘fourth emergency service’ and are always on hand if we have any worries or concerns.
Thursday August 6th
Pam forgot to write Katy’s weight in her red book, so I gave her a ring.
There was no answer. I left a message, but she hasn’t called me back.
Saturday August 8th
Weighed myself today for the first time since the wedding.
When I saw the scales I couldn’t believe it. I thought Mum must have broken them.
But then I weighed myself at the doctor’s.
I’m EVEN HEAVIER now than when I had Katy.
Blaaaaaaaah.
Monday August 10th
Katy has had three twinkly pieces of glitter on her scalp since Brandi’s birthday.
It only shows up in direct sunlight, but I’m worried people will think I don’t wash her. Yet no matter how many baths I give her, the glitter just won’t shift.
I wonder if the health visitor noticed? Did she think I never wash her?
Better ring and explain.
4pm
Rang Pam Fairy three times and left urgent voicemails. She still hasn’t rung back.
Tuesday August 11th
No call from Pam Fairy.
Mum laughed when I told her about the glitter. She said, ‘Health visitors are looking for neglect. A sparkly baby is a happy baby.’
Thursday August 13th
Althea phoned me at 6am to remind me to count my blessings.
She’s just been on some Buddhist retreat with Wolfgang. Apparently they had to count their blessings at 6am every morning and she reckons it’s changed her life.
Today her blessings are:
Her confident little boy who expresses his feelings. (No one else thinks it’s a blessing that Wolfgang expresses his feelings, which are generally anger and outrage. But a mother’s love is blind.)
Fabulous purple furniture.
The mystery flowers (weeds) that grow in her garden.
I told her I only had one blessing – Katy.
I wanted to add, ‘And friends who know not to call before 7am.’
Friday August 14th
A bad, bad day.
Went into town to buy stuff for Katy and my bank card didn’t work.
The lady in the bank said, ‘Your account has been frozen, Mrs Jolly Piggy.’
I told her I wasn’t Mrs Jolly Piggy. I was Mr Jolly-Piggott’s ex-girlfriend. And the money in the account was mine.
After a bit of wrangling (well – shouting), she got the manager – a spotty teenager in a suit three sizes too big for him.
He said there was nothing they could do. The account was frozen four days ago and no one could access funds until ‘assets are divided’.
‘But it's my money,’ I said.
‘The account was in his name,’ said the manager, over and over again.
In the end, he asked if I could accept a Smedley’s Bank teddy bear as an apology.
I told him if he could give me five thousand bears and let me sell them outside the bank, we had a deal.
Saturday August 15th
Spent all day in the bank shouting at people and trying to call Nick.
When Nick finally answered the phone, he sounded all suspicious.
‘Ye-es?’
The bloody cheek of it. Like he didn’t know why I was calling.
I shouted at him about the bank account and needing to buy things for Katy.
He said his mother and the solicitor had made him freeze the account.
When I asked him what happened to the money, he said no one could access it until ‘legal shit is sorted out’.
As I was screaming at him, I heard a woman in the background at his end.
‘Who’s with you?’ I asked.
A horrible silence.