CHAPTER 82

CHAPTER 82
Friday June 26th

Okay.

My wedding day.

Here goes.

Mum made us sausage sandwiches for breakfast in the morning (probably the last decent meal I’ve eaten, now I come to think of it).

I let Brandi do my hair.

Laura stood over her (No Brandi! Don’t backcomb it. PUT THE HAIRSPRAY DOWN!), and it came out like we’d planned.

Laura sent Brandi to the corner shop for cans of Red Bull, and then we quickly did my make-up all nice and natural.

I put the wedding dress on … I mean, it never made me feel ‘wow’ or anything. But it was pretty. A little bit of a tent, but pretty.

Mum kept making me drink Red Bull for my nerves. But I didn’t feel nervous. I didn’t feel anything. Just sort of flat.

I kept telling Katy, ‘It’s my wedding day. My WEDDING day. Me and Daddy are getting married.’

But nothing.

Even in the black Mercedes (Helen insisted on that car – I wanted to go in Brandi’s pink Kia) I didn’t feel anything.

I was squashed in there with my bridesmaids (except Althea – there wasn’t room for her and Wolfgang) thinking, ‘This is it. I really am getting married.’

But it still didn’t feel real.

Sadie kept fidgeting and saying she felt sick. Which was just typical Sadie – she hates the attention being on anyone else.

We were a bit late getting to the church.

I didn’t feel worried or anything. Just … excited. Ready to get the job done.

Laura and Brandi helped me fluff out my wedding dress, and Sadie paced around with her hand on her stomach.

Then Sadie grabbed my hand and said, ‘Jules. I need to talk to you. RIGHT NOW.’

I said, ‘Sadie, are you okay?’

She said, ‘I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!’

It was all so weird.

I said, ‘Look – let’s get the wedding out of the way. Okay?’

Sadie did this sort of big gulp and said, ‘You shouldn’t marry Nick.’

I went a bit bridezilla then. I think it was all the Red Bull.

I said, ‘Sadie, I know you hate Nick. But he’s Katy’s dad and I love him and WE’RE GETTING MARRIED. Now get out of the way.’

I started walking down the aisle and I saw Nick ahead.

He turned around and I thought, ‘Wow, he looks really hung over.’

He was sweating. Proper, proper sweating, on his forehead and down the front of his shirt.

But he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at Sadie.

I carried on walking, sort of on automatic pilot. I even think I might have been smiling.

Everyone in the church had weird looks on their faces. Maybe they’d heard Sadie saying she needed to talk to me. Or maybe they all knew what was going on.

When I got to Nick he smiled. But it was a scared smile. And he kept glancing at Sadie.

I could see Helen in the front row – huge navy hat on – sort of glaring and smiling at the same time.

The vicar cleared his throat and said some stuff I can’t remember.

I kept thinking,What’s going on?Nick looks weird. He keeps looking at Sadie …

Then the vicar said the part about, ‘Any persons here present have any lawful reason why these two shouldn’t be joined in matrimony …’

And Sadie said, ‘SHE SHOULDN’T MARRY HIM AND IF HE WON’T TELL HER WHY THEN I WILL!’

Nick looked really scared and sort of muttered to Sadie, ‘Let’s not do this now.’

Sadie said, ‘Nick. She needs to know about us.’

She didn’t need to say anything else.

I knew then. I just knew.

Sadie and Nick …Sadie and Nick…

They’re better actors than I realised.

I felt like I was going to pass out. The big tent dress felt so tight all of a sudden. I couldn’t breathe.

All I could see were disappointed faces – people I knew. People I didn’t. People who loved me. All of us together in this horrible car crash. And Katy with Mum … wearing a little flower girl dress.

I seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack or pass out or something.

I grabbed Katy and ran down the aisle.

Then I sat in the wedding car, holding onto Katy for dear life while she chewed the silk on my wedding dress.

Dad got in beside me, put his arm around me and told the driver to take us back to the pub.

Then I sat in my dark bedroom, watching Katy sleep and thinking, ‘Her life is ruined.’

Wednesday July 1st

Nick still hasn’t called or texted. He hasn’t seen Katy since the wedding.

It’s not like I want to speak to him. I never want to see him again. But I want him totryto get in touch. And I know he must be desperate to see Katy.

Althea said it’s always the betrayal that hurts the most. But it’s not the betrayal. It’s the fact I didn’t have a clue. And I really should have done …

Friday July 3rd

Still no call from Nick.

Maybe he’s gone into his actor’s wallowing pit and thinks everyone hates him (we do) and that he wouldn’t be welcome if he called round (he wouldn’t).

But he should see Katy. He’s her dad, after all.

Saturday July 4th

American Independence Day

Mum’s done the pub out in American flags and bunting.

She’s also made a red, white and blue meringue. It’s so big it fits a sparkler for every US state.

It pulled me out of my gloom a little bit, hearing Mum whistlingAmerican Pie.

I washed my face, dabbed some cover-up around my tired eyes and did a Skype link-up with Uncle Ralph in Los Angeles.

Uncle Ralph, Aunty Yasmin and little cousin Lolly were in their giant, sunny house waving American flags.

Uncle Ralph has done well for himself in the US. He’s got a big house on the beach, a blonde lingerie model wife and one of those American fridge freezers that make ice cubes.

Thought I was holding it together pretty well.

Then Uncle Ralph, who’s always pretty blunt, said I should sell the wedding dress quick and try to make some cash back.

I burst into stupid tears and ran out of the room.

Sunday July 5th

Told Althea I was thinking of calling Nick.

I’ve never heard so many swear words in one sentence.

After Althea had calmed down, she said, ‘Don’t start feeling sorry for him. He’s a cock head. You’re too nice. Why hasn’t he called you for fuck’s sake?’

She’s right.

Totally, completely right.

She said, ‘When life gives you lemons, put a slice in your Coca-Cola. Then add some rum.’

Monday July 6h

Cracked and called Nick today.

I suppose I just wanted to get some clarity. Some answers.