Chapter 20

Reine I almost couldn’t believe my ears.

After I had spoken out for him, defended him, even though my heart had been racing, he was treating me so coldly. I was beginning to hate the fact that I had growing feelings for this man. I was a little numb.

Rejection had never had me feeling this way. If anything, before I had been used to it, so it was never something that I particularly dreaded. But with how Jax’s tone switched when we got into his office, I wondered just how much I had attached myself to him, how much importance I had given him. Because the way my heart had shattered was not healthy.

I was definitely going to cry tonight. I had pushed the tears away enough. It wasn’t even healthy at this point. Honestly, I couldn’t explain why exactly I was so hurt by Jax’s rejection if anyone asked. It wasn’t as if it had not happened like my entire life. I should be used to rejection by now. Why did this one hurt like this?

Why had I gotten feelings for this man in such a short while? How had I let my defenses down so much that I had let my thoughts linger sometimes to scenarios I knew I should not even be contemplating? Like thinking a future could exist between the two of us. I was truly a fool, and sometimes I felt like I deserved everything that happened to me. It seemed like I called it upon myself at this point.

I sighed and leaned against the elevator wall across from him. I wanted to ignore Jax with everything I had in me. But I couldn’t. His presence was just so intense. It was almost like I was suffocating in that elevator. I couldn’t wait to leave; I couldn’t wait to reach my home so I could cry my lungs out. Maybe it would make me feel better.

We hadn’t reached. I frowned and looked up at Jax just to find that he was staring at me very intensely. I understood that he had pulled the stunt he pulled when we just met. I wondered why. On God, I didn’t want to ask. At some point, I felt like all the games he was playing with me were simply too much to bear. I needed space from him, so I could get over my stupid feelings for him in peace. Was that too much to ask? Plus, I was very sure he didn’t feel the same way I did so why was he bent on torturing me?

“What’s it this time?” I asked when it was clear that he was not going to say anything until I spoke up.

“Nothing,” was his response. The tension went up suddenly.

Was this man bipolar? One minute, he was snarling at me, and you would have very well believed that he hated me. And now, there was an amused look on his face. I didn’t understand what exactly was funny. He was starting to piss me off.

“Nothing?” I sighed. I was tired. I didn’t need these games. “Jax, unlock the damn elevator and let us down.”

“No,” he said simply.

Something in me snapped.

“Look, I don’t know what exactly you think you’re playing at but it’s not funny. It’s not funny at all, Jax! I hate how you’re playing with my emotions like I was some sort of robot. I hate it so much. One minute, you’re hot. The next you’re cold. Please… please, I am exhausted. It’s either you want something from me, or you just leave me alone.”

There was silence after I went on my little tirade. When I chanced a look up at him, Jax was staring at me intently, with a thoughtful look on his face. I wondered what exactly was going through his mind. Maybe this deal was finally going to become the way it was supposed to have been from the very beginning, a strict business affair. It would hurt, but it was better it happened now.

“Will you come over to my place, so we have a serious talk?” Jax asked, much to my surprise.

I looked up at him, wondering what he was up to, wondering what exactly he wanted to tell me. I cocked my head. Why didn’t he just tell me whatever he had to tell me right here and right now? I was tired of all the suspense and all the back and forth. If he wasn’t, I was tired enough for both of us.

I sighed.

Then I looked up at the man. There was a sincere look on his face that made me sigh again. I couldn’t say no. not to this man. It was impossible for me.

So, I nodded and turned around. He was not going to influence me more than he already had.

Not too long after my nonverbal response, I heard the ping sound of the elevator then the doors opened. Jax ushered me out, putting his damned hand once again on the small of my back. I could feel the spark through the clothes I was wearing, and I couldn’t help the shiver that went through my entire body.

We walked to his car in silence and this time around, it seemed like there were a lot more people staring at us. I leaned into Jax a little for support and a pleasant sensation went through my body when he rubbed my back imperceptibly. It was little gestures like this that I hated. They were so confusing, and I was frankly tired of them. When we got to his house, I was going to make one thing clear: no touching me suggestively until we figured out this entire thing.

Except for when we were in public and we had to put on a show for everybody that was watching.

We got into Jax’s car and soon enough, we were on our way. The ride to his place was relatively long, or maybe it felt that way because I wanted to know what he had to say at all costs. The more time passed, the more I regretted my elevator outburst. I had let this man know that he had power over me. And he could use it to his advantage. I was such a dumbass.

On the other hand, though, I didn’t regret being honest with him. At least I had poured my feelings out. If he wanted to take advantage of me, it wasn’t okay. But what could I do about it? I had chosen to be sincere, and that was the hill I was ready to die on.

We had reached.

Jax parked his car and got out. When he opened the door for me, my heart started beating extremely fast. I felt like with how fast it was going, it was going to jump out of my chest soon. I giggled under my breath at my silly thoughts and I noticed Jax shoot me a bemused look. I didn’t even want to pay attention to him. I was going to find out whatever he had to say when we got to his apartment.

There was no use agonizing over anything now.

“Are you okay?” Jax asked when we got into the elevator.

I sighed a little. I didn’t know. I guess I was lying when I told myself not to agonize about it. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was normal that I felt this way. I didn’t know what answer to give Jax though. Did I let him know once again that he affected me much more than I cared to admit?

No.

So, I shook my head.

It was silent until we got into his apartment, and there, I let out a little breath.

“Do I get you anything, Reine?” Jax asked.

Get me anything? Did he really think anything could go through my mouth in the state I was in the moment? That was very impossible. I simply shook my head though. I didn’t want to start going into all the reasons why I wasn’t going to take him up on his offer.

“Come,” Jax said after a small hmm.

I followed him and we went to a cozy living room. I wondered just how big his apartment was. It seemed like there were rooms everywhere. We sat in some really pretty chairs and I’m sure my wonder was written all over my face. I swallowed and looked at Jax.

We were not sitting too close to each other, but he wasn’t so far either that I couldn’t see the brown flecks in his hazel eyes. This man was a little too distracting for his own good.

“You wanted us to talk,” I said softly.

“Yes, I did.”

And I sat there, hoping that whatever he said would be good, but unconsciously waiting for the other shoe to drop…