Chapter 20
Braelia is just about done with adding the finishing touches to my hair as I sit and stare at my reflection in front of me. I cannot help but to think of what my sister had asked a little while ago, nevermind my mothers response. I could not help but to think that my sister was correct, I could just grow to love Theo and together we could grow out of the awkwardness that is between us currently afterall it is not like we are two strangers. Is he my dream match ? No but actually possibly could be I mean im sure I am not his dream match either but love is all about compromise right ? There could be so much potential between us for a relationship to blossom that we just can not see yet...
" what is to become of me if I do not marry this season.... "
Her eyed widen as she is clearly taken aback by the question that had just left my mouth. Looking to be at a loss for words and struggling to find the correct way to respond to me I simply choose to continue.
" I become a disgrace seeing as I could not even marry to continue our family name I can only hope Emilia will be successful in doing so "
" Ms Helena I would not- "
" no braelia this may be my one true shot at marriage "
The look of realization hit her face just as she finished my hair all together, she took a good look at my reflection and let out a low sigh before she took a few small steps back and took a short moment of silence before allowing herself to speak freely holding her eyes on mine within my reflection.
" Ms Helena if this is about Theo I find it my duty to be entirely honest with you when I say I dont believe this to be the right match... "
she was not wrong.
" Braelia I am ready for my jewelry.. "
I was not wrong either.
I have arrived upon my second season with no other prospects but Theo Sinclair and a distant fantasy life of his brother. If I were to begin courting him now we would be wed either nearing the end of the season or shortly after and all of my problems would be solved. Desiring a love match was childish of me at this point, this was no storybook tale. I was not a lonely princess awaiting her prince in her tower I was simply, Helena Humphrie. A girl that prized her knowledge over her looks, that saught after the wonders of the world she has yet to discover. A woman that took too long to realize that no matter how many languages she learned and no matter what skills she obtained, none of that made her any more desirable to the ton. The clock is ticking and I am running our of time to fulfill my true duties as a woman. Just having that thought of my own gave me an ill feeling... but Ignoring the opprotunity that has presented itself infront of me would be absurd. After all I have always longed for a family and children of my own. My heart yearning for it more than anything in the world...
" The carriage is ready ms Helena "
Raising my head to look in Braelias direction not realizing how much time had already quickly passed I stand and send a nod her way in response. My mind has made its decision. Walking out of my room an odd feeling crept upon me as I grew closer and closer to the steps of our home, and then to the carriage. I pay no mind to my family for I have no desire to entertain their questions or whatever conversation they had in mind regarding Theo and I. Theo and I...
The voices of my family were merely a background noise to my own thoughts as now I seemed to be stuck within them. Looking down I fiddle around with my fingers in my lap to give some type of sensation to myself, like I was reminding myself of my own body as I was so stuck in my own mind it did not seem too far fetched for me to forget I was real for a moment. My mind seemed to have plans of its own as I was trying to fix my thoughts on something else It felt like I was not allowed to, my whole body began to feel numb but was growing warmer and warmer at the same time. My chest was beginning to feel tight as well as my stomach almost like my undergarments were on too tight, possibly? In my peripheral vision the doors and walls of the carriage seemed to appear like they were growing closer and closer to me, closing in on me almost. My head shot up while my vision became blurry but darker all at the same time causing me to feel a bit disoriented as well. I could not feel anything. I no longer had any control over my own body and while I was present I could not see or comprehend anything going on around me. Faded echoes of what sounded like the voices that belonged to my mother and my sister grew distant combined with a high pitched ringing that came from my ears was all making me more overwhelmed than I had been before, which seemed entirely impossible but continued to happen anyway. Fear overcame my body, what was happening to me ? The last thing I remembered was a light pressure behind my neck and behind my knees still having no coherence or any idea truly behind what it was so I could tell you exactly what it was. The moment I felt as if I was floating, I felt safe, protected, and peacefull all at once. Then everything went completely black.