I was awakened by Kai crying. He must be hungry now. I sat on the bed and saw that on my right is Acwell, sleeping. I stood and picked up Kai to breastfeed him.
When Kai went back to sleep, I put him back on the crib. I checked the time, and it’s 03:30 AM. My mom sent a message on Facebook Messenger, so I read it. She just missed me and replied with a smile, telling her I missed her, too.
Before I closed the app, I noticed that I have a spam message. I opened it, and it was coming from a lady named Catrina.
“I know about you and Acwell. You just seduced him and forced him to marry you because you are pregnant. Well, guess what, you were not the first woman he has a child with. It was me first! And because of you bothering him, he left me when I was pregnant. I hope you get haunted by your conscience.”
“He sends me money for Amara, but it’s always less. Can you stop restricting him from sending money for his daughter? It is his responsibility, and he is not doing it right. It is most likely because of you and your son.”
“He comes here on his off days but only for an hour or two. I am also sure it’s because of you; you demand time for you and your son, right? Why can’t you give that day to his daughter? He is already there with you almost every day. How could you be so selfish? Do you know that we always argue in front of Amara? An innocent child is always witnessing her parents fight. Why? Because of you and your son.”
“Amara is sick today, Acwell came, and I wanted him to stay. Stop asking him to come home and at least let her daughter see that her father was there for her.”
I cried, reading those messages. I wanted to scream at Catrina and tell her, you don’t know what is going on, so stop accusing me. If there are people that are unfair in this situation, it’s the both of you.
I saw Acwell’s phone and check if he has messages from Catrina. He labeled her as Amara’s mom, and there are many WhatsApp messages that I cannot bear reading. I put down the phone and went out to cry and think.
I have been crying with just these brick walls in the living room listening to me. I don’t want to cry anymore. I had enough. So, I send a message to my supervisor saying I can’t come to work.
I went inside and looked at Acwell.
“I will miss you, and I will probably love no one else except you. But I am fed up being in this situation. Let me make it easy for you,” I thought.
I lie on the bed and wake up the usual time I go to work. I left Kai with his babysitter and left. Acwell was still asleep, so he might have a different shift today.
I went to have breakfast at a nearby Mcdonalds. I stayed there for almost an hour, using my phone and looking for a cheap hotel apartment to make a reservation for 5 days starting today. I found one which is a walking distance of the hotel that I am working with. It is perfect, so I don’t have to pay for any transportation, and the babysitter will just take the subway going there.
After that, I went to the park and walk around. I just wanted to breathe some fresh air, so maybe it will clear my head.
“Are you sure you are going to do this?” a voice inside me asked.
“I have to,” I whispered.
What I will do feels like it’s the only way to know whether Acwell really wants Kai and me in his life. I am tired of being blamed for something I did not do. And whatever I think and feel I ask during the time we are together is what I deserved.
When the mall opened, I went and bought some clothes and groceries. I hope financially I can handle what I am about to do, but I will try my best. It’s going to be hard, but I will not stop trying.
I checked in at the hotel and advised the reception that I would bring my son later in the afternoon. They just asked for our ID and a copy of my marriage certificate. It was a wise decision to prepare it when I woke up.
I called my friend and ask if she can register me to get a discount on flight tickets. I was lucky that Arianna said that she can do that for me. But it’s going to take a week before she can book tickets for me which is fine. I just asked her to book two tickets to Los Angeles and two tickets to the Philippines with six months gap when she can do it.
Before I went home, I booked the cheapest motel in Los Angeles. I wanted to start a new life there without the assurance if I will succeed. I only have a tourist visa, but Kai is a dual citizen already. I hope it will be easy for me to apply for a green card or just for him to get the benefit he deserves being a citizen.
I had lunch at a nearby restaurant at the hotel and then went home. When I arrived, I told the babysitter that maybe tomorrow she has to go to the hotel which is just one subway station away from her place. She agreed since it was very near.
Acwell was no longer at home, so he must probably be at work. He sent me a message on WhatsApp, but I did not even bother to read it. I am done playing nice with him and that Catrina. They can go back together if they want to.
I let Kai sleep so I could prepare. I pack my suitcases with just enough clothes that I could carry, especially when we leave for LA. I have placed in a folder all the necessary documents that immigration might ask me when we travel.
I booked my Uber ride to the hotel, and while waiting I slowly took the suitcases down and outside the gate. The driver arrived after 10 minutes, just enough for me to put Kai in a stroller and go down. I was lucky that the driver was friendly and helped me with my luggage.
I arrived at the hotel after 20 minutes. And I played with Kai in the room first before I took him to the pool. While we were playing in the pool, I thought, “It’s just you and me, little guy. And we are going to be just fine. I promise.”