Chapter 85 85
Kate’s POV
We went out with Andrew to look at houses that morning.
He drove with one hand on the wheel and the other on my knee, humming along to a song playing on the radio. He was happy. No—more than happy: radiant. Ever since Elliot told him about the CEO position, Andrew seemed to have aged backward by ten years. He talked nonstop in the car: “This is what I’ve always wanted, Kate. Headquarters. Real power. No more secondary branch. We’re finally going to live the way we deserve.” He smiled so wide it almost hurt to look at him. And me… I couldn’t share even a fraction of that joy.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for him. Or maybe it was. I don’t know. Part of me wanted to believe this was good: more money, more stability, a big house for the baby, security. But another part—the one that woke me at three in the morning with my heart in my throat—felt dread. A dull, sticky dread that clung to my chest and wouldn’t let me breathe properly. Moving back from Lisbon. Living here. So close to Elliot. Again. I didn’t want to be this close. I didn’t want the mansion’s hallways to become the same ones where he’d kissed me against the wall, where he’d watched me in the shower like I was a work of art he’d sculpted himself. I didn’t want to open a door and possibly find his eyes waiting. But I comforted myself with the thought that he’d be at university. That he’d spend entire days away—classes, friends, a normal life. That I could hide in our new house with Andrew and the baby and pretend everything had been just a bad dream.
At least I hadn’t had to interfere in Elliot’s decision. He’d already thought it through. He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like he hadn’t calculated every step. Like he didn’t know exactly what he was doing.
And now here we were: house-hunting, planning a life that felt more and more like a gilded cage I’d chosen myself.
There was nothing wrong with Andrew. The problem was me—the one lying to him, the one who’d betrayed him… That’s why this feeling wouldn’t leave me. I’d slept with Elliot twice after Andrew and I had already patched things up. Knowing I wasn’t the only one who’d betrayed our relationship brought a certain relief, but what Andrew did was in the past. Just hours ago I’d let Elliot watch me shower.
And it had felt so good to be under his gaze like that… It set everything on fire. I resisted—I fought with all my strength, God, I did—but this feeling forced its way through, not letting me decide. I didn’t know how much longer I could tolerate it.
The first house was enormous. Front garden with a fountain, living room with a marble fireplace, a kitchen straight out of a magazine. The real estate agent talked nonstop: “Five bedrooms, heated pool, separate office… perfect for a growing family.”
Andrew walked through the rooms like they were already his, touching walls, opening closets, mentally calculating where his desk would go, where the baby’s room. I trailed behind, nodding when necessary, smiling when the agent looked at me for approval. But I felt nothing. The house was beautiful, yes. Perfect, even. But it didn’t feel like mine. I saw nothing special in it. Just walls, windows, empty space that would fill with expensive furniture and a life I hadn’t fully chosen.
The second was more modern. Clean lines, floor-to-ceiling windows, backyard overlooking the river. Andrew got more excited here.
“Look at this, Kate. The office opens straight onto the garden. I could work from home some days. And the master bedroom… look at the bathroom. Jacuzzi. For you and me.” He took my hand, kissed my temple. I smiled because that’s what was expected. But inside, the dread lingered, that knot that wouldn’t loosen.
The third house was the one I chose. Not because I loved it especially. It was big, yes. Garden, pool, six bedrooms, open kitchen. Everything Andrew wanted. But there was nothing in it that made me feel “this is ours.” It was just… a house. One more.
I picked the third because I wanted it to end. Because I wanted to go back to the mansion, lie down, close my eyes, and stop thinking. Andrew was euphoric. He signed the offer that same afternoon.
“It’s perfect, love. The best for our son. For us.” He kissed me on the mouth, hugged me tight. I returned it because that’s what was expected. Because he was my husband. Because I loved him.
Back at the mansion, I sat on the edge of the bed while Andrew changed. The black dress I’d worn for the condolence visit was folded over a chair. I felt disconnected. Like my body was here, but I was somewhere else. In that square with Elliot when he discovered the possibility the baby might be his, in the bathroom where he’d watched me naked, in his room where he’d explained why he called me “Mrs. Ellis” when desire won.
“Does he really love me?” I asked myself for the hundredth time. Or was it obsession? Was there even a difference? Or was obsession just love that didn’t know how to stop?
Andrew came out of the bathroom in a T-shirt and pajama pants.
“Are you okay?” he asked, sitting beside me.
“Just tired.”
He kissed my forehead.
“It’s going to be perfect, Kate. You’ll see. Everything’s going to change for the better.”
I smiled. Weak. Fake.
“Yes,” I said. “Everything’s going to change.” Then, honestly: “Though, if I’m being truthful, I was comfortable in Lisbon.”
“I know, but this is finally our home, our land, and this is where the opportunity came up. Today I felt you were a bit absent—don’t think I didn’t notice.”
“I guess… the change has been so sudden. I know you’ve adapted quickly to the idea, but…”
“I’m sorry if this doesn’t feel like it’s about you, Kate. I’m going to be CEO! What could be better than that? It’s… incredible. Maybe you can’t imagine it, I don’t know, but this is important.”
He was getting angry.
“I’m not trying to take away your credit or dim your joy. I’m sorry.”
“I need you in this, to feel your support, to feel you’re by my side and we’re walking this path together. I also need you to be a support for Elliot. He and I get along well, I think, but you two are closer.”
“Andrew, why do you say that? We were only close when he was my student. Not anymore.”
“You must have something in common. You care about each other.”
Care wasn’t the right word.
“I don’t want you pushing me to get close to Elliot again. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything good.”
“Have you seen anyone else around here? He doesn’t seem to have much support, and I’m not asking just because it’s a strategy on my part—I really believe he needs it.”
“I’ll say it again: I don’t want you pushing me toward Elliot. You already have the position. We’ll keep the friendship with him, but not for a single second will I see him as a tool.”
His hand touched my cheek and he kissed me, harder this time.
“Rest, darling. It’s been a long day, and tomorrow we have to go shopping.”