Chapter 75 75
Kate's POV
Elliot’s stay in Lisbon made a couple of things crystal clear to me. One was that the lie couldn’t last forever—but I wasn’t about to tell anyone whose baby this really was. The odds were fifty-fifty. It could be Andrew’s… or Elliot’s. To me, it would always be my husband’s.
But Elliot suspecting it might be his wasn’t just a threat to my relationship—it was a threat to the entire life I knew. Maybe things with Andrew were never perfect. Maybe this was our best moment, or maybe not. But one thing I was absolutely sure of: it couldn’t possibly be better with Elliot.
Every time I thought about it, a knot formed in my chest. How could I even entertain the idea of something serious with him?
Elliot, though—he couldn’t get it out of his head. I felt sorry for him, but I felt sorrier for myself. For my cowardice. For not being able to sit down and think about my own feelings for even five minutes. I only thought about what I had now: my marriage. But what about what I feel? What about what I actually want? I’m not very honest with myself about that. My position doesn’t let me be.
That afternoon I sat down across from Andrew in the living room.
We’d finished lunch, dishes already in the sink, the comfortable silence that usually settles after a quiet meal. But I couldn’t keep quiet anymore. For days I’d had this knot in my throat that wouldn’t loosen, and every time Elliot’s face flashed in my mind—his look in the square, his hand on my belly, that dark promise that left me shaking—I felt the truth leaking out through my pores. I couldn’t keep living with two lies at once: his and mine.
Andrew was on the couch, bare feet on the rug, scrolling his phone with that distracted focus he gets when nothing urgent is pulling at him. I sat beside him—not too close, but close enough that he’d know this wasn’t casual small talk.
“Andrew,” I said, keeping my voice low and careful. “Can I ask you something?”
He looked up, gave a small smile.
“Of course, love. What’s up?”
I took a deep breath.
“When we were separated… or distant, before we came to Lisbon… were you unfaithful to me with anyone?”
He set the phone on the side table. The smile faded slowly. He straightened a little.
“That’s old news, Kate. Why bring it up now?”
“Because I need to talk about it. I need to know.”
He stayed quiet for a second, looking straight into my eyes, like he was weighing how heavy the question really was. Then he sighed, ran a hand over the back of his neck.
“I don’t want to lie to you. Yes. I was. But it was only once, when things were really bad between us. Before the Lisbon transfer came up. With a coworker. It was… just sex. Nothing more. No feelings, no promises. It was a stupid mistake at a time when I didn’t know how to reach you anymore.”
The tears came instantly, hot and sudden. I wiped them quickly with the back of my hand, but they kept falling.
“I figured,” I whispered. “We hadn’t touched in so long. We hadn’t even looked at each other. I was so wrapped up in my own pain, in losing what we had, that I couldn’t think about anything else. And you… you were right there, trying, but I wouldn’t let you in. So yeah, I imagined it. But hearing it…”
Andrew moved closer, took my hands.
“It was nothing, Kate. I swear. It was physical, it was selfish, it was stupid because you were still fighting a war I couldn’t help you with. But it never changed what I felt for you. I never stopped wanting to be with you. That’s why I took the transfer—I felt guilty and thought some distance might help us see things clearer. We came to Lisbon for that. To start over. With you. With us.”
I nodded slowly, tears dripping onto our joined hands.
“I… I have to tell you something, Andrew.”
“What is it, Kate?”
“I-I cheated on you too.”
He let out a short, disbelieving laugh, thinking it was a joke to even the score.
“Come on…”
“It’s not a joke,” I said, looking him in the eyes. “I cheated when you left for Lisbon. I was confused, I didn’t know if our marriage had a future, you weren’t answering, you were getting more distant… I felt lost. I thought you’d stay here forever, realize everything was broken… and that I wasn’t the woman you fell in love with anymore.”
The laugh vanished from his face. He went still, eyes wide, processing what I’d just said.
“With who?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. Just like it doesn’t matter who you were with. Because it’s in the past. We both made mistakes when we needed each other most and didn’t know how to ask for help. We both got lost. And we both came back. That’s what matters now.”
Andrew let go of my hands slowly. He stood up, took two steps toward the window, and stared out at the river without really seeing it. Back rigid, shoulders tense.
“Was it serious?” he asked without turning.
“No. It was… a mistake. Like yours. Something that happened because I was broken and didn’t know how to keep breathing without breaking more.”
He turned slowly. Eyes shining, but no tears. Just looked at me—long—like he was trying to see me again.
“Do you still see him? Or see him?”
“No,” I half-lied. “Not anymore. It was just that. A mistake. Nothing more. It was brief.”
Half a lie because Elliot was in Lisbon. Because he’d touched me. Because he’d kissed me. Because he’d made me remember that my body still responded to him in a way that shamed me. But I wasn’t going to tell him everything. I could never confess it all. This was the most I could give.
He came back to the couch, sat beside me again—this time closer. Took my face in both hands, slowly, thumbs brushing my wet cheeks.
“We both fucked up,” he whispered, voice thick. “Both of us. But we’re here. Together. With a baby on the way. And I don’t want to lose you over something that happened when we didn’t know how to love each other right.”
I nodded, tears falling onto his fingers.
“I don’t want to lose you either.”
He pulled me into a tight hug. I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heart racing.
We stayed like that for a long while. No words. Just breathing together.
“I’m sorry, Kate. I know it was hard for you. I should’ve supported you more, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Don’t apologize. It was hard to deal with me. You’re not to blame for anything. We were both lost.”
“Not anymore,” he said against my lips. He gave me a quick kiss, then held me again. “Now we’re together. I love you, Kate.”