It’s been a few weeks since Lynden betrayed us all. I haven’t fully come to terms with it. I feel like I failed as her older sister. I should have paid more attention to her, but I got so focused on my career as a Warrior that all my time and energy went there. I can’t believe she would join with the Enchantress.
The Reapers and the Warriors have been looking for her, but they haven’t been able to find her. She has hidden herself well. I hope that she can be saved, but somehow, I think she might be too far gone. I don’t know what she wanted that she would join the Enchantress. Lynden was always a good girl, sweet, kind, and caring, but she clearly isn’t that anymore. I must have missed something somewhere along the lines.
Alice keeps telling me I’m not responsible for Lynden’s actions, that I can’t control her and what she does. Maybe that’s true, but it doesn’t stop me from beating myself up over it. I hate feeling like I failed her. I failed my parents, I promised them I would take care of Lynden, that I would raise her to be a good person. I clearly did something wrong, somewhere I messed up.
I know no one blames me for Lynden’s betrayal, but I do blame myself, even if everyone insists that there was no way for me to know, but I feel like I should have known. Lynden was great at fooling us all, she even managed to fool the Three. I know Calder was very hurt by Lynden’s betrayal, everyone was hurt on some level, but none more so than me.
There was something that Lynden wanted that she thought only the Enchantress could give her. Part of me wonders if it had something to do with a boy, but not just any boy, if it had to deal with anyone it would have been Calder. Lynden told me she was okay with not having a soulmate, but I think she was trying to convince herself. I know Lynden and Calder were close, and Calder is good looking. I have to wonder if Lynden started to have feelings for him. Maybe she had accepted that she didn’t have a soulmate, but when she met Calder that might have changed her mind. Lynden probably didn’t think she would meet someone that she could have feelings for. After all, being an Oracle meant she knew she didn’t have a soulmate. She probably never thought she would meet someone who would test her resolve to be single for the rest of her life.
Whatever the reason Lynden betrayed us I still failed her. I know I should blame myself, but I can’t help it. Lynden was my responsibility. I should have been there for her more. None of it matters now. What’s done is done and the only thing I can do is try and move on from this.