Chapter 49 Zara's thoughts
Zara’s POV
I'd been watching them.
I noticed the broad smile on her face, and I saw how they spent time conversing. I couldn't hear them, but the conversation seemed to be meaningful. The change in their expression told me so—it wasn't constant, changing when new issues were brought up by either of them.
I couldn't recall the last time I had such a conversation with Tristan. He’d let everything between us become cold.
The last time he must have had such a conversation must have been the time he promised to make me his mate. Of course we wanted to see if the connection would strike naturally between us.
But things weren't in good shape. His curse needed a cure.
But things would have still gone as planned.
Not until Celine showed up.
All my efforts to be with him… wasted?
“Zara…”
I raised my gaze to see him. He stood at the door.
His footsteps were too quiet to the extent I didn't know when he opened the door.
I sat upright on this bed. “Tristan.”
His eyes were steady on me. I started a crazy turn in things by accusing him of killing Rachel even when he said he didn't. That was me telling him I could never trust him. If I couldn't trust him, how was he supposed to take me seriously?
I shouldn't have accused him. I should have believed him.
He stepped closer, but my eyes were on the floor. His gaze was judging me, and I didn't need him to tell me before I knew I was found wanting—wanting in trust for him.
Then I felt his hand touch mine.
I silently wished that was his way to tell me things were fine between us. But I would be delusional if I thought that way.
“Your asthma came again,” he said. “I thought it had been completely cured.”
“Not really.”
“And you didn't tell me?”
I hoped this was all about concern for me and not all about being in control of everyone under his watch. I hoped he would only ask this line of questions with me, and not to everyone else, especially Celine.
“It comes once in a while, and maybe I forgot to tell you.”
“Once in a while and I didn't notice?” He frowned slightly.
“That's possible… you’ve not been in a perfect state either,” I explained. “Things have been taking an unusual turn with you. So I don't take it to heart that I didn't notice.”
“I didn't say I took it that seriously.”
“Oh…”
Then why the question?
“But that doesn't mean I don't care, either.”
“Awwn…”
Yes! Exactly what I wanted this conversation to be about.
“It's normal for me to care for anyone under my watch.”
Oh no… he’d pulled my hopes down, and crushed it with his feet.
“But I'm not just anyone,” I dared to say.
“Everyone is different.”
I didn't mean that. He should stop taking the conversation in a different direction. It wasn't helping me progress it into anything.
“Yeah, everyone is different.”
“So you aren't just anyone.”
He went silent again. He would talk about Rachel’s death, and I wouldn't know how to respond to him.
I heard the clock in his room ticking. About two minutes passed. He hadn't said anything.
Maybe I should start?
“Were you serious?” He finally asked.
“Serious about what?”
I might have already known the answer to that question.
“Rachel's death.”
“Yes… she’s dead,” I said.
“You were serious about that?”
“Yes, but you couldn't have done that.”
“I didn't do it. I didn't believe she was dead,” he explained.
“And I shouldn't have accused you of taking her life… I'm so sorry, but I don't know who must have done that.”
“I didn't do it,” he said again.
“And I should have believed you. There's no way you would hurt someone as harmless as Rachel.”
“I didn't kill the boy from the other pack… I might have done such before now, but I would never kill just because I'm getting the urge to do so.”
The fact he was calling these out added more weight to the guilt I already felt. It could be that he was trying to explain that he could never be much of a devil.
But it looked like he was still trying to defend himself.
He didn't believe I still had trust for him.
“The times I killed out of obsession are far behind me,” he said again.
“Tristan?”
“Even then, there was a reason for it.”
“Please, it's okay…”
His eyes weren't looking at me. He was looking above my shoulders as though he couldn't hear me say any word to him. He was sitting on the bed, but it didn't look like he was in the room with me.
“Even then there was a reason,” he went on.
“I knew there was.”
“The reason I did that was to avenge my parents’ death.”
“I’m so sorry I ever accused you.”
His eyes returned to me. “You could tell me the reason why I could have killed that boy, Cory, right?”
“There's no reason for that.”
“Is that so with Rachel?”
“Yes.”
Then he went silent. My heart was beating hard. I could hear his heartbeat sounding like drums. His head was bent low. I couldn't even tell if he’d thought of forgiving me.
He sighed. “War is upon us.”
“They’ve started attacking?”
“Who else would have killed Cory and Rachel?”
“I thought someone in this pack must have.”
“You feel someone in this pack must have done such a thing?”
“I… I don't know.”
Then he dug his hand into his pocket, and brought out a small letter. “Have any idea about this?”
It read:
Are you ready for all these?
“I don't… what does it mean?”
“War is upon us,” he said. “The neighboring packs around us are teaming up to fight against us.”
Soon, he left.
The room suddenly felt empty, like something vital was taken out of it. It wasn't so before he came in, but after he’d sat on this bed with me, it made it feel this way.
I’d heard about the war, but I didn't expect it would start this soon.
The room was almost covered in darkness at the time I left. It was strange that since I'd lost someone of value to me, I cared less about the war against the pack.
“Celine…” I whispered.
She couldn't have heard me.
I stood one side of her door, watching her. She was seated on the bed, doing nothing in particular. She probably had Tristan in mind.
“Zara?” she called.
I froze.