40. Claire: Fragile
*CLAIRE*
The end of my shift at the library comes with a sense of relief. The day passed without any incidents— *thankfully*— and it felt good to be back. We spent our downtime planning out the details for the carnival that Sarah had been telling me about earlier in the day. Going over the details on how we can make the event happen is a welcome distraction, allowing me to focus on something positive and hopeful amidst all the chaos.
As I gather my things, Louisa— who had spent her day as my babysitter…I mean *bodyguard*— lets me know she's being swapped out for the night. In spite of all my reservations with having someone keeping such a close eye on me all day, Louisa was discreet enough that most of the time I barely even noticed she was there. Which I was more than grateful for. It hadn’t been nearly as awkward as I’d been anticipating.
Soon enough, Louisa’s replacement arrives, knocking at the library’s locked front doors. Vivian greets me with a wink as she’s let inside.
"Hey, Vivian. Thanks for coming," I say, returning her smile.
"No problem. Ready to head out?” she asks, and I nod.
As we start walking back to my apartment, Vivian chats about her day at the pack office. "Today was surprisingly calm," she says. "Lots of paperwork, a few meetings. You know, the usual."
I listen, feeling a sense of normalcy wash over me. It’s almost like any other day, minus the ever-present threat of Felix hanging over my head.
“Any news?” I ask, fiddling with the strap of my purse anxiously.
She shakes her head, “Once we know what forms he can Shift into, we’ll be better prepared in tracking him.”
She’s right, of course. Once we have an idea of what he’s capable of, it’ll be easier to find him.
*And the person who knows Felix the best, would probably be James.*
I chew on my bottom lip as I come to terms with the fact that I’ve put off contacting James for long enough. He would have the answers that we need in navigating this situation with Felix…and I need to make the break between us permanent. I need to let him know that I won’t be returning to Ember Claw.
*I’ll just need to speak to Nik about it first and let him know.*
"By the way,” Vivian says, pulling me from my train of thought, her tone shifting to one of curiosity, “speaking of shifting forms, have you thought about shifting again? Trying out your wolf form?"
I blink, surprised by the question. The memory of my last shift with Nik in the woods flashes through my mind. It had been exhilarating, a rush of freedom and power that I hadn’t expected. "Honestly, I haven't had much time to think about it," I admit.
Vivian nods, understanding. "Well, when you're ready, I'd love to help you through it. It's a big part of who we are, and it can be... therapeutic, in a way."
I consider her words as we continue our walk. The idea of shifting again intrigues me, but there's also a sense of fear. So much has happened, and I'm still trying to come to terms with it all.
As we reach my apartment building, riding the elevator to my floor, a wave of exhaustion wash over me. While I’d been able to catch a few hours on the couch last night, it hadn’t been the most restful sleep of my life. The muscles in my lower back and have been voicing protests to sleeping in an upright position. I can’t wait to get some sleep in my bed tonight.
Just as I'm about to dig through my purse for the key to my apartment, something draws my attention.
My apartment door is hanging open.
I pause in my tracks, a cold chill runs down my spine. "Vivian," I say, my voice trembling slightly.
Vivian’s head whips up immediately, following my gaze. Her posture shifts to one of alertness.
As her eyes land on my open apartment door she curses under her breath.
"Stay behind me," she instructs, moving forward with caution.
I nod, my heart pounding in my chest. The momentary normalcy of the day shatters in an instant, replaced by a surge of fear and adrenaline. Silently pushing open the door the rest of the way, Vivian steps forward. With soundless footsteps, she moves into the apartment first, and I follow closely, my eyes scanning the room for any signs of intrusion.
The lights are off— the room dark.
From here, the living room looks undisturbed, but it’s hard to tell in the low lighting. My pulse races so fast that I can barely hear anything over my pounding heartbeat, blood rushing in my ears. I try to force my breathing to steady, focusing on Vivian's deceptively calm demeanor.
"Do you see anything?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
Vivian shakes her head. "Not yet. Stay here while I check the rest of the apartment.”
I nod, feeling a mix of gratitude and frustration. I hate feeling so helpless, but I know better than to argue with Vivian to let me come with her. I don’t want her to check through the rest of the rooms alone. But at the same time, I’m worried that I’d be more of a hindrance to her than a help right now.
Between one breath and the next, she disappears out of sight. I stand frozen, my eyes darting around the room. I listen closely, trying to catch the sound of Vivian’s footsteps as she works her way through the apartment, but I don’t catch even a whisper of sound from her. My stomach is in knots, my fingers clenched into fists so tight that my nails dig painfully into my palms.
Minutes feel like hours as I wait. Finally, Vivian returns, her expression serious. "It looks clear," she says. "But I’m going to call it in. I want to have a group go over everything. Maybe someone can catch any scents I may have missed.”
I manage a shaky nod and she taps at the screen of her phone, lifting it to her ear as the call connects.
Even knowing there’s no one else here, I can’t shake the feeling of unease quivering through me. The sense of safety that I’d managed to build here feels suddenly fragile. And I can’t help but wonder if I’ll be able to find it again.