Chapter 205
Chapter 205
The words between Torin and myself had barely settled in the air before I turned on my heel and stomped off.
My boots hit the pavement harder than necessary, each step snapping against the quiet like I needed the impact, like I needed something outside of my own head to take the edge off what was still clawing around inside it.
You don’t understand what you’re looking at.
My jaw locked, my fingers curling before I shoved them deep into my pockets, shoulders pulling in just enough to hold everything tight.
“Yeah,” I muttered under my breath, voice low, rough. “Because no one’s telling me a damn thing.”
The street stretched ahead in long strips of dim light and shadow, the lamps casting just enough glow to make everything visible without making anything feel safe. A car passed somewhere in the distance, tires humming, then gone, like it never mattered.
Normal. Everything looked normal and the fact almost pissed me off more.
Torin’s words, ‘You weren’t supposed to,’ ricocheted around in my head.
I gave an aggravated shake of my head and dragged a hand through my hair, the motion rough, grounding.
“Of course I wasn’t,” I muttered. “Why would I be?”
My chest felt tight, like something had wedged itself in and refused to move.
Reif flashed through my head again, the way he held himself like pain didn’t get to win, like whatever happened to him wasn’t something worth explaining. And Rook…watching everything like I was the problem. Like I was the one who didn’t belong in that space.
Wrong place. Wrong time.
“Bullshit,” I breathed, quieter now, more to myself as I turned down the next block, my apartment still a couple blocks out. “That wasn’t wrong place.” That was routine, and that was something they all knew how to stand in without flinching.
My pace faltered for half a second before I forced it forward again, sharper, faster, like if I stopped for too long I’d start putting things together I wasn’t ready to look at yet.
And Torin…
My stomach tightened, something low and irritated pulling through my chest as I let out a slow breath through my nose. It wasn’t so much what he said, as what he hadn’t.
No denial. No explanation. No attempt to soften any of it.
Just barking orders at me.
I curled my nose, mimicking him, “Go back to the apartment.”
“Screw you, Torin,” I sneered. I”’m not something to be put away when things get messy.”
My fingers curled tighter in my pockets, nails pressing into my palms as I exhaled slowly.
“You don’t think I can handle it,” I added, my lips pressing thin.
That one dug in deeper, because it meant he’d already decided what I was capable of without ever giving me the chance to prove otherwise.
My steps slowed again, just a fraction, my gaze dropping to the pavement before lifting back up, my jaw tightening harder. “Funny,” I muttered. “Considering I’m already in it.” Because I was, whether he liked it or not.
Whether he planned for it or not, I’d seen enough to know that whatever that was back there, it wasn't random. Wasn’t something you brushed off with a half-assed excuse and expected me to just nod and walk away from.
My throat tightened slightly, something sharper pushing up behind it before I swallowed it down, hard, refusing to let it sit there.
“And you just stood there,” I went on under my breath, my voice quieter now but steadier, “like I’m the problem because I saw it.”
That part burned. It wasn’t just the secrets, it was the way he looked at me after, like I had crossed a line I didn’t know existed. Like I was supposed to stay in a version of myself that suited him.
My grip tightened in my pockets again, my shoulders squaring slightly as something colder started settling under everything else.
“Not happening,” I muttered. I wouldn’t be managed. Wouldn’t be kept in the dark while everyone else moved around me like I wasn’t standing right there.
If I was in this, I was in it. All of it, or none of it. There wasn’t a middle ground anymore.
My apartment block came closer into view, the familiar layout starting to take shape, the row of parked cars lining the curb, the dark windows, the quiet stretch that should have felt routine. Should have felt safe, but suddenly it didn’t feel that way, and a faint prickle slid along the back of my neck, my steps slowing just slightly as my gaze shifted, scanning without thinking.
Nothing moved. No voices. No footsteps but mine.
My lips pressed together, my hand slipping out of my pocket as my fingers flexed once, like I could shake the feeling loose.
Stop it, my inner voice chastised. But my body didn’t agree.
My shoulders stayed tight, my gaze moving again, more deliberate this time, tracking the line of cars, the gaps between them, the shadows stretching just a little too long under the streetlights.
Everything looked the same. Exactly the same. Yet…something felt off.
My pulse picked up just a notch, not enough to call it fear, just enough to keep me aware of it. Aware of everything. I’d had the same sensation earlier with the headlight thing. But this time there were no headlights beaming at me.
I shifted closer to the curb without thinking, my steps angling slightly as I moved, my attention pulling toward the street, then back again.
Torin’s face flickered through my mind again, the way his gaze locked on me like nothing else mattered, like everything else could burn and he’d still be looking at me the same way. And then, he’d shut down. Closed himself off.
My chest tightened again, something conflicted twisting low and stubborn as I shook my head once.
“Make up your mind,” I muttered under my breath. “I’m not a freaking ping-pong ball.” And I sure as shit wasn’t going to keep guessing where I stood every time something real showed up.
I dragged in a slow breath, forcing my shoulders to drop just enough to keep moving, my eyes still scanning, still tracking, even as I tried to convince myself it was nothing.
Just a quiet street. Just a walk home. Just a night that got a little too real.
My steps carried me forward, steady but not relaxed, my senses still keyed in, still picking at something I couldn’t name.