Chapter 20 You Are All I Have
Lilith’s chambers were dark when she entered.
She didn’t bother with the lights, just stumbled to her bed and collapsed face-first into the pillows.
Her hands were still shaking.
Golden light still flickered faintly around her fingers, residual energy from whatever she had unleashed in the courtyard. She had never lost control like that before. Never felt power surge out of her without permission.
It had felt good.
And terrifying.
She pressed her face deeper into the pillow and screamed.
“Feel better?”
Lilith shot upright.
Sera sat in the chair by the window, arms crossed. Her eyes were red. Her face was blotchy.
She had been crying.
“Sera.”
“Six hours,” Sera said flatly. “You were gone for six hours.”
Lilith’s stomach dropped. “I didn’t.”
“Six hours, Lilith.” Sera stood, but didn’t move closer. “Do you have any idea what that was like? No note. No message. Nothing.”
“I went to a club with Asmodeus.”
“I know where you went now!” Sera’s voice cracked. “I found out when I heard the brothers screaming at each other in the courtyard. Six hours of thinking.” She swallowed. “Six hours of thinking, maybe you’d run away. Or been kidnapped. Or decided you were done with all of this and left me here alone.”
Ohh!!
Oh no.
“Sera, I’m so sorry.”
“I looked everywhere,” Sera said, hands clenched at her sides. “Your room, the gardens, the training grounds, everywhere I could think of. And when the brothers started searching, I realised I had no idea where you were. No way to find you. No way to know if you were okay or hurt or.” Her voice broke completely.
Lilith crossed the room in three steps and pulled her into a hug.
Sera resisted for half a second, then crumpled, wrapping her arms around Lilith and holding on as she might disappear again.
“I’m sorry,” Lilith whispered. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think.”
“You didn’t think,” Sera said, voice muffled against her shoulder. “You were so angry at Azrael, and you had every right to be, but you just left. You left me.”
Guilt twisted in Lilith’s chest.
“I’m here. I’m okay. I promise.”
“You can’t do that again.” Sera pulled back, wiping her face. “You can’t disappear. Not here. Not in Hell. Not when.” Her voice softened. “You’re all I have, Lilith. My family’s gone. My home’s gone. Everything I knew is gone. You’re it. You’re all I have left.”
Tears burned in Lilith’s eyes. “You’re all I have, too.”
They stood there, both trying not to cry, both failing.
Finally, Sera laughed shakily. “We’re a mess.”
“The biggest mess.”
“Did you at least have fun before giving me a heart attack?”
Lilith smiled. “I did. It was incredible. I danced until my legs gave out. Gambled terribly. Drank something that tasted like lightning.”
“Infernal wine?”
“How’d you know?”
“Because you reek of it,” Sera said, smiling faintly. “Also, your hair looks like you stuck your head in a windstorm, and you have glitter everywhere.”
Lilith touched her face. Her fingers came away sparkling. “Is that?”
“Infernal glitter. Probably permanent.” Sera nodded toward the bathing room. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up before the sparkles become a lifestyle choice.”
The bath was already drawn, steaming, scented with something like lavender and smoke. Sera must have prepared it while waiting.
Lilith sank into the water with a loud, embarrassing groan of relief.
Sera perched on the edge of the tub, still sniffling occasionally. “So. You walked out on Pride.”
“I did.”
“How’d that feel?”
“Terrifying. Empowering. Like I might throw up and fly at the same time.” Lilith dunked her head underwater, scrubbing at the glitter. She surfaced, water streaming down her face. “He kept saying I might break. Like I was glass or porcelain or something fragile.”
“What an ass.”
“Right?” Lilith grabbed the soap. “I’m not fragile. I’m a person.”
“A person currently covered in demon club glitter.” Sera handed her a cloth. “They really went all out on the sparkles.”
“There was so much glitter. Everywhere. I don’t understand how.” Lilith scrubbed harder. “Everything was loud and chaotic and free. People dancing. Gambling. Kissing whoever they wanted. No one cared about prophecies or politics.”
“Or being the solution to a succession crisis?”
“Exactly.” Lilith paused. “Is that what you heard? In the courtyard?”
Sera’s expression tightened. “I heard a lot of things. Mostly shouting. Some crashing. Beelzebub accused Asmodeus of kidnapping you. Mammon tried to buy information about where you’d been. Lucian was being Lucian, cryptic and annoying. And Azrael.” She hesitated.
“What about Azrael?”
“He looked like you’d ripped his heart out. Not saying you were wrong. You weren’t. But he looked broken.”
Lilith’s hands stilled. “Good.”
“Lilith.”
“No, I mean it. He treated me like a test subject. Something to measure. He told me I surprised him by not breaking, like that was a compliment.”
“It wasn’t.”
“It really wasn’t.” Lilith scrubbed at the last stubborn patches of glitter. “And then I disappear for a few hours, and suddenly he cares? Suddenly, they all care?”
“They were terrified,” Sera said quietly. “All of them. I’ve never seen anything like it. They tore the palace apart looking for you.”
“They don’t get to be terrified. They don’t own me.”
“I know. But they’re demons, Lilith. Ancient, powerful, possessive demons. When someone they care about disappears, they panic. It’s not rational. It’s not fair. But it happened.”
Lilith sank lower in the water. “You said they worked together?”
“For about ten minutes. Before the panic turned into accusations, they started fighting. But yeah. For ten minutes, all seven of them had one goal find you. It was impressive. And pathetic. Impressively pathetic.”
Lilith laughed. “What did they do?”
“Azrael checked every room in the west wing. Personally, Mammon sent guards to every border and offered his entire treasury as a reward. Beelzebub stressed ate through three kitchens. Lucian’s mirrors went wild as they tried to track you. Even Belphegor woke up, which.” She stopped.
“Which what?”
“Sloth never panics. But he got up. Started searching. And now that I think about it, he was the only one who didn’t show up at the courtyard fight.”
“Really?”
“Really. Everyone else was there, bleeding and screaming. But Belphegor disappeared after the search started.”
Lilith filed that away. “And Cain?”
Sera’s smile softened. “Cain nearly killed a guard who suggested you ran away. She was intense. More scared than angry. She kept checking your training spots. The gardens. Everywhere you two have been.”
Warmth filled Lilith’s chest. Followed quickly by guilt. “I didn’t mean to scare her.”
“Then next time, leave a note.” Sera stood and grabbed a towel. “Come on. Before you dissolve.”
Lilith climbed out, wrapped in the towel. Her skin was flushed from the heat. Most of the glitter was gone.
Sera tossed her a robe. “Better?”
“Better.” Lilith pulled it on. “Thank you. For being here. For waiting. For being you.”
“Someone has to stop you from accidentally starting a civil war.” Sera went to the wardrobe and pulled out soft pants and a loose shirt. “Here. Comfortable.”
Lilith dressed while Sera braided her damp hair.
“What now?” Sera asked. “After the club, after the fight, after exploding light everywhere. What do you want?”
Lilith faced her. “I want to stop feeling like a prize. I want to make my own choices. I want.” She paused. “I don’t know what I want. Except to not be trapped.”
“Then don’t be trapped.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Why not? You’re a Seraph. You have power. You made seven demon princes back down with nothing but words and light. You’re not helpless. You don’t know your options yet.”
“What options? The prophecy says.”
“What does it actually say? Word for word?” Sera asked sharply. “Has anyone shown you the original text?”
Lilith hesitated. “No.”
“Then you don’t know what you’re dealing with. Tomorrow, we’re finding the records. All of them. And we’re figuring out what really happened to the Seraphs before you.”
“The brothers won’t like that.”
“The brothers can deal with it.” Sera opened the door. “You told them tonight you’re not something to claim. Now prove it.”
She left Lilith alone.
Outside, the three moons cast a purple-red light across the room. The palace was finally quiet.
Lilith looked at her hands. The golden light was gone, but she could still feel it beneath her skin.