I stared at the ceiling.
You've already had me… even the pieces you broke.
What was I thinking? Why did I say it? Those words tasted bitter on my tongue now, shame rising like bile in my throat. What he must be thinking? I turned my face into the pillow, groaning against the suffocating heat in my cheeks. He hadn't even touched me again after that. He'd left the bed cold again.
And then, as though his absence wasn't enough, his words still clung to me. You're the light I can never touch, the salvation I don't deserve.
Liar.
I pushed the thought aside as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. My feet hit the cold floor, and the chill sent a shiver straight up my spine. I needed to stop thinking about him. About his hands, his lips, the way his voice carved itself into my skin like a cruel brand.
The bathroom door closed behind me with a click, and I turned on the shower, letting the scalding water pour over me. My fingers trembled as I pressed my forehead to the cold tiles, willing the memory of his eyes-dark and consuming-to fade.
It didn't.
Instead, I saw him everywhere. The way his hand tightened around me as if he was fighting himself. He hadn't even looked back at me, and he was still larger than life.
A frustrated growl ripped from my throat, swallowed by the hiss of the water. I scrubbed at my skin harder than necessary, as if I could wash away the phantom touch of his gaze.
Judas Romanovski was not just a nightmare; he was reason of my sleepless nights, and the thief of my restless days.
Last night, I saw something-a flicker in his eyes. Not softness. No. But something unfamiliar. A storm restrained. A wildfire choosing where to burn.
He was equally dangerous, no doubt. But he was changing. And it terrified me. Equally forbidding, yet ingenuous. Less violent, but somehow sharper.
I was afraid of the way he made my heart race. Afraid of the power in his silence. Afraid of the way my body betrayed me, trembling not just with fear but... something worse.
He didn't yell anymore. He smiled. And it was worse than a scream.
It sometimes felt like he wanted to be misunderstood.
Once dressed, I stepped into the hallway. My stomach churned with hunger. Chester. Maybe I'd find him in the kitchen, curled up somewhere with his soulful eyes. I wonder if Daniyellei fed him yet or not. It already was past twelve and in this frigid weather it was hard to tell when it'd snow. Sighing, I rounded the corner and immediately stilled.
"Bark! Bark! Bark!"
I blinked my eyes hoping whatever I was looking at was not a delusion or a perfectly made up dream. Cause there was no way. No way in hell. Not even when rivers would flow backwards or seas would dry out.
It was Judas.
His broad shoulders faced me as he stood near the window, his phone pressed to his ear. And in his arms, resting was Chester, clawing at his jacket and lightly biting on his ear. When Judas looked down at him in warning, Chester mewled and settled snuggly into his embrace and grumbled.
This was something I hadn't expected seeing first thing after waking up. Like I was looking a different person. My traitorous heart did a flip and I shook my head after lightly tapping my cheeks. What… what was I thinking? Last night was just a vulnerable moment. I was depressed, and I said things I didn't mean. Right.
Right?
"I don't care how long it takes." My ears twitched when his deep voice reached my ears. "Find out everything-family, friends, anyone they've ever spoken to. About the accident too if the case is still on-going."
My blood turned to ice and my chest tightened, and I pressed a hand to the wall for support. His voice lowered. "No loose ends. Bring me everything, or don't come back at all."
I waasn't planning to listen to the conversation to be honest since he talked in Russian around me mostly when dealing with business. I never truly grasped what he did for living except tormenting people like me. But now that he was talking in English and that too fluently, he must be talking with someone out of this country.
Family? Friends? My breath hitched audibly, and his head turned slightly, though his phone remained at his ear. I forced myself to take a step back, but it was too late.
I did not want to know he was gathering this information on. It could be anyone. Anyone but me. Right?
He tilted his head. "You have five hours." He cut the call and he turned to face me as his sharp gaze cut straight through me. "You love eavesdropping, don't you, ptichka?"
My throat worked, but no words came out. The room spun as I forced myself to tear my eyes from him and step in. "I was not eavesdropping." I finally managed to speak as Chester wagged his tail looking at me. "I was looking for Chester."
Judas sighed, slipping his phone into his pocket. And Chester went restless in his arms. "Your Chester seems to run where he shouldn't be."
Chester barked and I fidgeted with my fingers. He finally put him down and he wiggled his way to me. I smiled and scoop him in my arms and pet him. "I missed you too, baby."
Chester snuggled closer to my chest giving me puppy eyes. And I laughed.
"Interesting," Judas said and I looked at him. He crossed his arms, leaning against the wall with a predator's ease, as if he had all the time in the world to dichotomise the instant and glared at Chester. "It's amusing how easily you seem to give your affection... to a mutt."
My heart skipped a beat, and I instinctively held Chester closer, as if shielding him from the venom in his words. "He's not a mutt," I snapped, surprising even myself. "He's more loyal and kind than most people."
Judas straightened and a chillingly calm smirk played on his lips. "Is that so?" He took a step closer. Chester whimpered softly, and I unconsciously stepped back, but there was nowhere to go.
What was wrong with him?
"You're very quick to defend," he murmured, and motioned to Chester. "Tell me, ptichka... if I were the one pressing against your tits, would you hold me just as tightly? Or would you tremble like you always do?"
My breath hitched at his words and the heat rose to my cheeks betrayed me. "I-I don't know what you're talking about," I stammered as my grip tightened around Chester as if he could shield me from his pale gaze.
Eyes darkened and his hand brushed against Chester's fur lightly-so lightly that it sent a shiver down my spine. "You're too soft with him," he muttered with a furrowed look on his face. "He's already spoiled." And then his gaze locked onto mine and my breath hitched. "How would he defend against the real threat."
My stomach dropped, and I forced myself to meet his gaze, even as my pulse thundered in my ears. "I'm not-" My feet stumbled over the corner of the rug, and I pitched backward with a startled gasp.
But I didn't hit the floor.
Warm and large hands shot out, catching me effortlessly. My breath stalled as I looked up at him as the warmth of his grip seared against my skin. His face was close-too close. Light framed his features and the sharp planes of his jaw, the impossibly dark lashes that brushed against his cheek and the damning intensity in his eyes, they all burned me and for a moment I forgot everything.
The closer he was, the harder it was to breathe. I couldn't understand this. Or how he could make the empty spaces in my chest ever emptier with his absence and suffocating with his presence. As if being with him had become my nature.
He gave me breath and stole it in the same heartbeat.
He looked… magnificent. Ethereal, even, like something out of a painting too vivid to be real. And too real to be on the wall.
My heart hammered wildly as he steadied me and the trance broke but his hands lingered at my waist for a moment too long. "Careful," he murmured and this time he wore same confusion on his face that mirrored mine.
I swallowed hard but the words wouldn't come. What was I even saying? Chester barked and I took a deep shaky breath I didn't know I was holding.
"You should eat," he said finally, stepping back and releasing me. The loss of his touch was almost as disorienting as his presence. "Join me in the dining room."
I averted my gaze to the carpet as my toes curled and I ignored the larger than life man standing in front of me. I nodded. Because if I open my mouth, I'd end up embarrassing myself.
He turned. I followed.
I always heard people calling people universe. Vast and infinite. Untouchable and never-ending. For me no such universe existed. But a singularity. He was that singularity-an impossible point where everything collapsed and still, I wanted to fall.