Chapter 7 — Doubts

Mathias:

I walk back to the coffee shop, feeling like a complete and utter ass. Mikhail and Nevaeh are sitting in a corner kissing and cuddling. It’s as if they’re in their own little world. Their affection brings me back to that kiss with Cassia. I’m still feeling unbalanced by how good it felt. It was an incredible kiss, but we can never be. I cannot betray Marael again.

As soon as she sees me, Nevaeh rises up from the chair. “Hey, Mathias, is everything okay? Did you catch up to that hot girl?” She turns back, to Mikhail who gives me an inquiring look. “You should have seen her, Khail. She has long blond hair and green eyes. She gave me this what the fuck looked when I wrapped my arm around Mathias. I think she likes him.”

Mikhail turns to me with an amused smile. “Wow, Mathias, you’re picking up college girls again? Aren’t they a little too young for you? But then again, any human woman would be too young for you…sooo.”

As I take a seat, I give him a “screw you” look. “Actually, she was not human. She was an angel, and I had business with her.” Nevaeh rolls her eyes and winks. “Sure, you did. So, who is she anyway?”

I try to bide time but quickly realize she’ll eventually have to know. “She’s Cassia Garron. Lukan Garron’s daughter.”

Mikhail instantly goes alert. While Nevaeh looks out the door shocked. Seeing that Mikhail is about to give me a cutting remark, I head him off. “Don’t worry, she’s not close to Lukan. He left when she was a child, and she and her mother don’t have much love for the man.”

Nevaeh nods her head, but Mikhail remains grim. “Does she know about me or about Lukan’s disappearance?” I nod my head. “She knows about Lukan, but she says she hasn’t seen him. I figured if you wanted to meet her as her since she’s your cousin, then it’d be up to you.”

Mikhail runs his hand through his hair with a relieved sigh. “I don’t know if I’m ready to meet her yet. What if she’s like Lukan? No, I’ll wait.”

He slams his hand down on the table. “Damn that bastard for taking my family from me.”

I shake my head vehemently. “All we can do right now is search until we find his body.”

Mikhail looks like he wants to argue but says nothing more. Nevaeh, however, changes the tone of the conversation. “Wow, this is crazy. Lukan Garron’s daughter has a thing for you, Mathias, and she’s Mikhail’s cousin.”

I give her a blank gaze, trying not to reveal how much more than a crush it is. “It isn’t like that.”

She laughs loudly at my vehemence. “Seriously? I mean, she didn’t seem happy to see you with another woman. And you know what? From the way you were looking at her, I think you like her too.”

I look away, contemplating how to answer her questions without giving much away. “She’s beautiful, but my heart will always belong to Marael.”

Nevaeh rolls her eyes and gives me an exasperated look. “Look, Mathias, I know you had a great love of some kind with your wife, but it’s been over twenty years. Don’t you think you deserve some happiness? I mean, she wasn’t even your true mate. What would you do if you met your true mate?”

Nevaeh must have seen something on my face at the mention of the word mate because she gives me a suspicious and horrified look. “Oh, no. Don’t tell me. Don’t tell me that you’ve met your true mate and rejected her over the memory of another woman?”

I look down, feeling guilt rush over me. Nevaeh and Mikhail both look at me for an answer. “I’m just not ready to be with someone else.” Mikhail gives me an incredulous look. “You’re kidding, right. You rejected the other half of your soul?”

I shrug my shoulders but hesitate at the sad look Nevaeh gives me. “But that’s crazy. You can’t do that. This was your second chance at happiness. Why would you do that?”

Mikhail must notice my reluctance to speak further about the subject because he pulls Nevaeh back by the arm. “Look, Princess, what Mathias does is his business. Maybe we should lay off.”

I smile gratefully in his direction but lose the smile at the truth of his next words. “I mean, if he wants to spend the rest of his life alone and miserable, it’s his problem.”

Nevaeh gives me a pitying look but backs off and changes the subject. “Okay. Sorry, Mathias. Mikhail is right. I just hope that you don’t regret your decision.”

My heart pauses at the sound of her words. Thankfully, the doors open in the café, and several guides make an announcement. “Hello, future Cal State prospects. We just want to thank you for coming to our visitation day today, and on behalf of the school, we will be having a meet and greet party this evening. All parents and prospects are welcome. This will be a chance for you to meet some Cal State students and learn about their experiences. The party will be held in the Fine Arts building at seven o’clock. We hope to see you there.”

Nevaeh claps her hands excitedly. “Oh my god, we are so totally going. I heard there were going to be some really important people from the Literature world there. Oh, and Mikhail, there are supposed to be artists there. We can pick their brains.” Mikhail and I laugh at her enthusiasm.

That night, we walk into the fine arts building in our best casual wear. Nevaeh looks beautiful in a green dress, and Mikhail and I are dressed in black. Nevaeh rolls her eyes at our clothing. “I swear you two. Don’t you own anything that’s not black?” Mikhail and I look at each other and shrug. I’m wearing a black button-down shirt, rolled at the sleeves with black dress pants and black dress shoes. Mikhail is wearing a black sweater and black dress pants with black all-stars. Mikhail turns back to Nevaeh and winks. “I think we look good, princess.”

Nevaeh releases an unladylike huff and rolls her eyes.

The building is beautiful with old wooden beams and buttresses, and the floor is a polished marble with the school emblem in the middle. There are various people standing around talking and admiring the art. However, my eyes focus on the beautiful woman standing near the balcony doors. Cassia is wearing a short black dress that hangs off her shoulders. Her legs look very long and sleek, and her hair is loose around her shoulders. My perusal of her body is interrupted when a tall man places his hand on her waist and whispers something in her ear.

My body freezes, and my breathing becomes ragged with rage as she turns to the man and gives him a shy smile.

Before I can move, Nevaeh moves close to me and places her hand on my shoulder. “Ooh, there’s your crush. It looks like she found someone new. He’s hot.”

My shoulders stiffen further at her words. But my eyes remain on the couple as the man leads Cassia toward a corner and shifts tendrils of her hair from her shoulders. My eyes glow, and my wings strain with rage as I observe him kiss her on the cheek, which makes something break inside of me.

Fists tight, I move but am halted by a restraining hand. Mikhail places his arm on my elbow, steers me out of the room until we reach an empty alcove. Nevaeh follows behind us with a puzzled frown. “Oh, my god, your eyes are glowing.”

Mikhail steps forward protectively as if wary that I’d harm Nevaeh. “Nevaeh…princess… stay back.” Nevaeh looks at him, puzzled. “Why?”

Mikhail looks back at Nevaeh but keeps a guarded eye on me. “Because the girl he was looking at is his mate. That’s why his eyes are glowing.”

Nevaeh looks back at me incredulously. “Lukan Garron’s daughter is your mate?”

Regaining control, I nod my head. Nevaeh looks at me for a moment, then her eyes gleam with understanding. “You rejected her, didn’t you?”

I steadily nod my head again, ignoring the guilt that niggles in the back of my mind. “I had to. I can’t be with anyone when all I want is Marael.”

Nevaeh gives me a sad look, but Mikhail does not pull his punches. “Well, then you need to control yourself if that was your choice. Because it looks like she got the message.”

I look around, trying to relax. “You’re right. I guess I just didn’t expect her to move on so quickly.”

This time Nevaeh is the one that gives me a chastising glare. “What did you expect, Mathias? You rejected her. From what Mikhail told me, female angels dream of their mates when they are about eighteen, and she’s probably about twenty-one or twenty-two. I imagine that when you wait for a great love for so long, it might be devastating to know that person wants nothing to do with you.”

Her words cut through me like a knife. Did Cassia wait for me? The thought makes bile clog my throat. It becomes worse when Nevaeh continues. “Kara told me that sometimes the females will save their first kiss and their first sexual experience for their mates.”

I recall the kiss earlier and how nervous she seemed at first. Was I her first kiss? Shaking my head, I refuse to think about what that would mean. No, I have to harden my heart. “Look, Nevaeh, I made my choice. I’m fine now. Let’s just go and get this night over with.”

Nevaeh gives me a disappointed look but doesn’t comment further. “Let’s go then,” Mikhail mumbles carefully.

Nodding my head, I walk back into the room and breathe a sigh of relief when I don’t see Cassia. However, my relief is short lived when I don’t see the man she was with.

Unaware of my inner turmoil, Mikhail and Neveah walk around and admire the art. There are some incredible art pieces, sculptures, and musicians in attendance. I’ halfway through the exhibit when a certain art piece catches my attention. The painting shows the profile of a girl with long blond hair that obscures her feature. The girl is sitting sideways on the grass, wearing only a sheer white dress. Standing in front of her is a man with his head buried in her neck. His auburn hair curls around his neck, and he has black wings behind his back. Unlike the girl, he’s wearing black leather pants and is bare-chested.

Nevaeh moves close to the painting, then gives me an appraising stare. But before she can say anything, an older woman steps forward. “It’s quite beautiful, isn’t it? It’s called “Supernatural Heart,” the artist captures a pure love very vividly.”

Taking a step back, I try to create some distance between the picture and me, but the woman continues. “Cassia Garron is a wonderful artist. This is one of her darkest portraits. You should see some of her other work. She’s quite talented.” Nevaeh gapes. She’s definitely making the correlation between me and the painting.

My world tilts off its axis as I give the picture another once over. I don’t realize that I’m walking away until I hear Nevaeh and Mikhail calling my name, but I don’t stop. I can’t. Because if I do, I’ll realize what I’ve given up.