Season 1—Seduction—Episode 17

Jax slowly faced her. “Who?” Though he instinctively knew to whom Lily referred.

Sure enough, with a knowing smile that gently touched her tawny eyes, she said, “The woman you’re both writing these arrangements for.”

Jax’s gut clenched. “What makes you think we’re writing them for a woman?”

“Because they’re filled with passion . . . And pain. And you want them to be absolutely perfect. Flawless. Like her?”

“You really want to ask me this?” he quietly challenged. “You’re not jealous?”

Lily looked contrite. But she said, “Naturally. Who wouldn’t be? She moved you and Lex so much that you would go to any length to ensure the music you’re composing is worthy of her. But something tells me she’s no longer in either of your lives, so I’m jealous of a memory. Is that right?”

Jax didn’t like speaking of Katarina. The very reason he and Lex had gone their separate ways seven years ago. It’d been excruciating to even mention her in each other’s presence.

But he found himself saying out loud, “Katarina Karlsson. She was lead vocal in the international orchestra Lex and I played for since we were kids. She joined when we were twenty.”

“And she was breathtaking,” Lily surmised.

He leaned in close. “You’re breathtaking.”

“I’m not fishing for compliments here, Jax.”

“I’m stating a fact here, Lily.”

They stared at each other for several drawn-out seconds.

Then Jax sipped before telling her, “Katarina was extremely beautiful, yes. In a very delicate, almost ethereal way. Like she was more spirit than flesh and blood.” He let out a frustrated groan. “It’s difficult to describe her. She was just . . . Lovely. And that is not a word I use. Just when it comes to her. There was a softness to her. A gentle beauty. It was somewhat mystical. Elfish, maybe. She was an old soul who emitted this enticing light. Whereas you radiate blatant sensuality—especially when you’re in complete disarray. Or coming so hard you scream our names.”

“I’m not trying to get you to make comparisons,” she reiterated.

“I can’t help but make comparisons. Katarina was the last woman Lex and I ever shared. There was no one else we wanted to have that sort of relationship with—until you came along.”

She paused again. Just staring. Collecting her thoughts? Wondering what it was about her that had grabbed them both by the balls and wouldn’t let go?

He had no idea which.

But he did anticipate her next question. And waited for it. Even though it was going to torment him further.

Eventually, she asked, “What happened with the three of you? In the end?”

He set the water tumbler on the bar and reached for the decanter of scotch. “Don’t even comment on serving me, Lily.” His voice took on a razor-sharp edge. He knew she wouldn’t defy him this time. He took a big gulp, then he said, “We were all together for a year. Lex and I were in love with Katarina. Make no mistake, it was very powerful. Powerful enough that we’re here now putting together a CD in her honor.”

Lily gave a slight nod to indicate she’d deduced as much.

Jax said, “She died, Lily. Suddenly. Ripped right from our hands. One day she was alive and in our arms. The next night she was lifeless in a hospital bed in Austria. Car accident. She’d been out with a friend, who lost control of the vehicle on a patch of ice. The friend died instantly. Katarina about five hours later.”

“Oh,” Lily said on a long breath. “Jax.” Tears sprang to her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss as well. Deeply sorry.” He refreshed his drink and started to walk away again.

“Jax.” There was undeniable agony in her voice. It nearly shredded him.

Turning back to her once more, he asked, “Yes?”

But she clearly didn’t know what else to say to him. There were questions and emotions in her entrancing eyes, though.

So Jax said, “Don’t think of her, Lily.”

“How can I not? When you and Lex are playing music inspired by her?”

This made his brow furrow. There was a little spark at the back of his brain, but he wasn’t willing to acknowledge it. So he repeated, “Don’t think of her, Lily. She’s not here. You’re here.”

She opened her mouth to speak. No words came out.

But he could easily guess the one she was holding back.

Temporarily.

Lily was only here temporarily. She’d informed him of that before.

One more thing he wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge, even though he was a man who rarely swept anything under the rug.

Still . . . In this instance, it was necessary.

Jax turned and left the room.

~ * * * ~

While Lex and Jax traveled into the city for a business meeting with their manager, Lily went down to the beach. There was a craggy peninsula that she carefully navigated in her tennis shoes and jeans, not her heels and uniform.

Bayfront was a gorgeous community and she loved the crashing waves and the sound of the seagulls and the smell of the fresh air. She hoped it would all clear her mind.

What had happened the previous evening with Lex and Jax could very easily be classified as the sexiest, most intimate night of her life. And she’d be lying to herself if she said it’d just been about lust—that it hadn’t meant anything more. Because it had meant more. To her.

A hell of a lot more.

And she suspected both men felt the same. She could see it in the way they’d looked at her this morning.

Prior to that, yes, they’d eyed her with obvious sexual interest. But what had started in the music room last night hadn’t just been about sex. Everything about the evening had been emotionally charged. An encounter she had no doubt would stay with all three of them. Forever.

As she sat on a boulder at the water’s edge, she stared out at the whitecapped ocean and contemplated whether it was smart to continue on this journey.

The job. The affair. The actual relationship she was building with Lex and Jax.

Maybe it was safer and saner to just walk away from it all now. Before she got in any deeper with them. And vice versa.

They’d already been devastated once. And Lily wasn’t looking to stick around when she’d made plans that were so vitally important to her. This trip had been her entire focus since she’d started at the Cliff House. Before that, even.

She might be able to get her position back at the restaurant, if they had room on the schedule for her. Granted, it’d put Europe on hold for at least another year, since she wouldn’t be making the kind of money the butler position offered. And replenishing her savings would all be predicated on nothing else going awry, no more emergencies. And if she could find another apartment she could actually afford.

There was also the option of selling the gowns.

But no . . . She could never do that. They were a gift from Lex and Jax. And that made them much too special to part with. Even if the only place she’d ever be able to wear them was her own living room.

Lily’s thoughts continued to wander. Against her better judgment, she thought of Katarina. There’d been pain in Jax’s eyes when he’d spoken of her. But toward the end of their conversation, there’d been a flicker of light as well. She was curious to know what that was all about.

Admittedly, the situation was a complex one to dissect and reconcile. On the one hand, Katarina was in the past. But on the other hand—that wasn’t necessarily true, because they were still so caught up in the memory of her seven years later that they were writing songs for her. Or about her. Lily wasn’t really sure which.

All she knew was that they must have been very deeply in love with Katarina. Because losing her had shattered them both. That was intently reflected in their music, as Lily had concluded the first time she’d stood outside the music room, listening to Jax’s chilling notes.

So, back to the problem at hand. Once more, she considered the idea of leaving. It seemed like the wisest choice.

Also the hardest.

As she thought this through, she couldn’t help but believe last night was really the tip of the iceberg. For them all. It’d been a phenomenal experience in her mind. And while it wasn’t a unique scenario for the two men, the fact that they hadn’t been with the same woman since Katarina suggested there was something about Lily that resonated within them. That attracted them. That drew them in. So that they were able to put aside their past pain and explore a new ménage.

Lex and Jax knew what they were doing. She was certain of it. Last night had flowed seamlessly for them. No envy, no possessiveness, no competition. As though their sole purpose was her pleasure . . . And what they’d each derive from giving it.

But she wasn’t an expert on threesomes. Had never even delved into the notion until she’d arrived at the mansion and things had started to unfold. Now she was caught up in the meaning of it, the implications—or, rather, the ramifications.

There was a very good possibility that these two men would never let go of the past. Let go of Katarina. And what Lily provided for them in the bedroom was a physical substitute for the woman they’d loved.

The woman they still loved?