Chapter 58 He Tells Me That He Loves Me
By Valeria
He tells me he loves me; he must want to make sure I sleep with him again.
He must have a problem; he has too much sex.
Maybe it's an anxiety issue, and that's how he calms down.
Or do all men have that much sex?
I was by his side for almost a year, and I really know that women throw themselves at him. Kevin's cousin was desperate for him, Daniela too, and even Ana, who was his cousin's wife, and those are just the close ones.
I saw him with so many women. Now I wonder if it was worth suffering so much, putting up with so much.
I think I stayed by his side like his secretary, enduring seeing him with all those women and dying a little every day because I'm no better than the other women. I'm just as desperate for him as the rest.
I was just lucky to be intellectually prepared, and that's why I stayed by his side, managing his childish side with intelligence, making him depend on me for a bunch of details that now seem insignificant.
I don't know when I left the office.
I'm entering the building where Emi works.
She sees me completely distraught.
"Friend."
I say as she comes out from behind her desk and hugs me.
I burst into tears, torn apart, desperate.
"Well, honey, whatever it is, it will pass."
She let me cry, hugging me, giving me my time.
After half an hour, I managed to talk, and I told her everything.
"She's a bitch, but he said your name while he was with her."
"Yes, but after everything we went through yesterday, he went with another woman, and that woman was that bitch. I want to quit, get away; being with him is hurting me."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm going to end up dragged down by him and suffering all my life. A while ago... he told me he loved me, and tears were falling from his eyes."
Emi was completely astonished.
"Alejandro cried? He told you he loved you?"
"I can't take it anymore. If he had told me he loved me yesterday, I would have fallen into his arms forever."
"He told you he loves you..."
She repeats, amazed.
"Those words must mean nothing to him. He says them to keep me by his side."
"I don't think so. He must have realized he loves you."
"Don't be naive, and be careful, because Omar is another jerk."
"I know how he is, but right now you're sad, furious, hurt. I think maybe... I can win Omar over."
"No, don't fool yourself. He's just as bad as Alejandro."
"I'm going to try to be happy with him."
"You're not listening to me. They dine at that restaurant with live sex shows and even participate if they want. You'll be doubting every time he's late or says he has a business dinner. You'll be a miserable wreck all your life."
"Enough, Valeria!"
"I'm telling you what you used to tell me about Diego. You'll see him with another woman."
"You're upset and want me to be too."
"No, I'm just telling you how things are. Stay with him. I'm quitting everything."
"He told you he loves you."
"Yes, and he slept with my cousin. That's it. I'm tired of pulling those bitches out of his bed, and each one is more beautiful than the last. At least I know them. You won't even realize when he sleeps with another."
"I didn't think you were so resentful. I thought you were my friend."
"And I thought you were mine."
I stood up and left.
She's going to hit her head against the wall; she doesn't understand.
She's blind, like I was with Diego.
So blind that she told me she thought I was her friend.
Did she mean that she's no longer my friend?
What a shitty day!
My cousin sleeping with the man I love, my best friend, almost my sister, is no longer one...
I went back to the company. Ale was talking on the phone with his father; I couldn't quite understand what he was saying.
He hung up almost immediately. I don't know if he did it because he heard the elevator.
After a while, he called me.
I'm devastated.
Everything I could lose, I lost today.
Yesterday I was happy. I wouldn't have traded being by Alejandro's side for anything in the world, and yet today I know that if not tomorrow, then this week, any day, but I have nothing left to do by his side, and to top it off... Emi no longer considers me her friend.
When I entered his office, Alejandro was standing near the window, looking into the distance.
He had his back to me; I didn't approach him.
I couldn't.
I think I won't sleep tonight. I don't know if I'll ever sleep again. I don't think I'll manage it without crying for hours first, and when sleep finally takes me, maybe I'll manage for him not to be there.
I look at him, I see his broad shoulders, his stance, God, he takes my breath away, and he's not even facing me.
It's definitely not his fault he's a womanizer.
He's perfect, seductive, sexy. If I don't leave soon, he's going to make me a woman without a life of her own, without dignity, and without the will to live.
"Tell me."
I said while I could still speak.
"Alright, I'll tell you the truth, I love you."
"Don't insult my intelligence, you don't love me and you're right to sleep with thousands of women, you're perfect, sexy, seductive, you reach all women's senses, including mine. At this point, it would be stupid to say otherwise."
"You reach much more than my senses, you reach my heart, my soul."
"Don't say that."
I make a gesture with my mouth, holding back the tears.
I swallow hard.
"I'm going to tell you what I've never told you. I always thought that if I confessed my feelings, you'd fire me the next day, no matter how excellent I am as a secretary and how much you depend on me for things that might not be too important. It doesn't matter anymore, I was yours, you had me all night, just as you wanted. There aren't many moments left, so I'm going to tell you freely."
I sighed, maybe I'm taking a breath or maybe courage.
"I don't know since when, maybe since I met you, you captivated me in such a way that I fell in love with you like I never thought I could. I'm not telling you this so you'll do something, I know you're as distant to me as a rock star. By being by your side, I became a being without dignity. Every woman who took you out of bed was an attack of jealousy that I hid in my heart. But what hurt me the most, before today, was the kiss with Daniela. With that, I thought I was dying. You see, in the end, I'm the one who loves you, only that... this is where I stop."
"What do you mean?"
"Simply that, I never had illusions with you, I just didn't want to be just another one for you and preferred to be your secretary. At least you knew my name, and I saw you every day. But... your life is very different from mine. I just hope to forget you someday, although sometimes you're stubborn, you're the best boss there is... I've told you several times, I'm just an ordinary girl looking for a bit of happiness in someone who can hold me. I don't ask you to do it, I wouldn't dare, I know my place... I'm your secretary."
"Please, tell me you love me, I want to hear you say it, not for my ego, simply because I love you too."
I put two fingers to his mouth.
"Shhhh, don't say that, I'm telling you, but until now you've never lied."
"Yes, I was lying to myself."
"No Ale, don't talk, just listen to me, I love you, I love you more than my life. When I'm with you, I'm in a paradise I didn't know existed."
"I feel the same, I swear I love you."
"No Ale, you don't, otherwise, last night you wouldn't have ended up in another woman's arms."
"I did it to prove to myself that I didn't love you, and it didn't work out, it was a disaster. For a long time, I've been calling the women I'm with by your name, and I can't have an orgasm without thinking about your scent, your skin, your body."
"That's not true! I saw you kissing Daniela!"
"I did it to annoy you, that's why I kissed her next to you."
"Come on Ale! I wasn't born yesterday, you don't kiss a woman like that if she doesn't interest you."
"It was all an act, she was mad at me and jealous of you because I also called her by your name. That's why she shouted to the four winds that I had slept with her, so you would find out. She was jealous and went along with that kiss out of spite, nothing more. When I left her room, we had insulted each other."
"And that's why you kissed like that? No Ale, you don't have to say anything."
"Valeria, understand that I love you!"
"We better go to the meeting room, they must all be gathered by now."
"I don't want to, I just want to be with you."
"Alejandro, you're not going to convince me, and you don't need to."
I notice he's upset, but I'm sure it's more of a whim than anything else.
I don't know how I have the strength to be so calm when I'm dying inside.
He's the one who goes around, I don't understand anything, it seems like I'm the one who did something wrong.
I left his office and headed to the meeting room.
Alejandro followed behind me.