Chapter 52 She Has My Eyes
Roman
I'm gone for two days. Elena doesn't try to contact me, giving me space, and I'm a little grateful for that. My family notices that something is wrong, but doesn't push it.
I go about my daily business, struggling with growing fear and a growing sense of responsibility. By the time the third day rolls around, I'm even angrier with myself.
My father taught me better than to avoid my responsibilities out of fear of the unknown. Which is why I show up at Elena's apartment later that day, unsure of what I'm going to say.
But when she opens the door, the right words come out of me.
"What's her name?"
Elena.
I can sympathize with what Roman is going through. I even understand him. He has to come to terms with the fact that his life is not what it used to be. And no matter how much his words hurt, I suddenly broke the news that changed my life. No one should have to deal with what he is going through right now.
My intentions were pure when I decided to hide it from him, but now I caught him off guard and earned his anger. He was gone for three days, and I didn’t even have the energy to be angry. The man had to come to terms with being a father, so I gave him some space.
However, looking at him right now, my heart aches. Because I never wanted things to be this way. I followed my heart, and I can only hope that I didn’t cause more pain than necessary.
Roman continues to stare at me, and I’m distracted from my thoughts.
“Cassiopeia,” I breathe. “But we call her Cassie.”
One eyebrow rises.
“You named her after the vain queen in Greek mythology who was eventually killed?”
“Emphasis on the queen,” I say defensively. “And I named her after a constellation in the sky.”
Surprisingly, Roman smiles. It’s small, and more like a tired smile, but the sight of it fills me with relief.
“How’s your mother?” he asks. I'm not surprised he knows.
My middle name is Andromeda; Tony's is Orion. My mom loved to watch the stars. That's why my dad built an observatory at our house. She also loved Greek mythology, so she named us both after us.
When I gave birth to Cassie, I felt healed in a way - like the deep hole my mother had left was suddenly filled. I'll probably never know where she is now, but I loved her. And looking at my own daughter, I made a promise to myself to do better than her. For my little girl. Cassie will never know what it’s like to be abandoned.
“Yes,” I say quietly.
“Can I come in?” he asks cautiously.
“Sure,” I say, stepping away from the door so he can come inside.
He looks around the apartment. I don’t miss the way his eyes are focused on the bottle on the table. The last time he came here, I made sure to erase any signs that I had a child. But now there’s no reason to hide.
“She’s asleep now,” I tell him. “She sleeps a lot during the day and stays up most of the night.”
He nods, his expression worried. I'm not the only one who's nervous.
“Should I... should I go and get her?”
“Just... wait,” he replies, sitting down on the couch.
I sit down too, leaving some distance between us.
“It’s normal to be afraid of meeting her,” I say when the silence has gone on long enough.
He raises an eyebrow, clearly not liking the fact that I’m implying he’s afraid of something.
“You’re not the big bad wolf you think you are, Roman.”
He rolls his eyes.
“No, I’m just a psychopath,” he says sarcastically.
“I think you’ll be a great father,” I say with a smile. “I was terrified before I met her. Those hours I spent giving birth were some of the worst of my life because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to see her.”
He tenses, rubbing his collar.
“Wasn't it an easy birth?”
“It was,” I reassure him. “There were no complications, and Kiara was by my side the whole time.”
“I'm glad she was. You tend to live in this isolated world on your own, where you can't depend on anyone. You always seem to forget that there are people who care.”
His jaw clenches as he says these words. I look away, fully understanding his meaning.
“I know people care. And I didn't decide for Cassie on her own.”
“No, you just did them without her dad,” he says dryly.
“I didn’t do it because I didn’t think you’d be a great father to her,” I feel the need to clarify.
He may act all cocky and self-assured, but at the end of the day, he has doubts just like anyone else. My mind flashes back to the day of his father’s funeral. He was so close to breaking down that night, afraid he wouldn’t be enough.
“I didn’t hold her back because I didn’t believe in you. I held her back because you had a lot to decide, and as much as I wanted to tell you, I didn’t want to make your life harder in the process.”
His eyes are a little tense as he looks at me. I wish I could tell him what he was thinking. Then Roman blinks, and his expression becomes wary.
“I wish I could see her now,” he tells me.
My heart swells.
“Really?” he nods, and I quickly rise to my feet. “She’s in her crib in my bedroom.”
I lead him to one of the oak doors and quietly open it. Stepping inside, I peer into the mahogany crib with a crescent moon painted on it. She’s still asleep. Very slowly, I reach inside to lift her. But Cassie is a fussy baby and a light sleeper. Her eyes open, and she lets out a soft cry.
"Shh," I say quietly. "Don't cry, my love. It takes a few seconds, but my voice calms her enough that she stops crying. I look up and see that her father is still standing in the doorway of the room. I wish I could get a mirror and show him how scared he looks right now. It’s almost funny. Almost.
“Don’t worry, Rom. She won’t bite,” I tease.
He frowns before taking a slow step inside. When he reaches us, he looks down at the baby in my arms, and almost immediately, his expression softens. I’m pretty sure I see him melt.
“She has my eyes.”
“Yeah,” I say quietly. “And your nose, too. It’s a little annoying that she looks so much like you, especially since it took me seven hours to give birth to her.”
“She knew she needed to look like her more beautiful parent,” Roman whispers, not looking at me. His eyes are fixed on his daughter.
I roll my eyes at the comment.