Chapter 8 — Bull

Bull didn't let himself think about why he was here, only that he's here now, and that there's a job to be done when he woke up in the morning. He sighed in a way that manifested into a swirling fog in front of his face, the dancing ghost of all his anxieties, dissipated before his eyes. Bull knew that he couldn't just lay there, cold wood against his back, stargazing forever. His bones popped as he stood and trudged over to the screen door, letting it creak and slam behind him. He shrugged his coat off and choked out a sob that wrenched itself from his chest so painfully that he clutched himself.

Everything began to hurt the same way it had when Bull had caved in on himself in the parking lot of the studio, just after Serena had broken his heart so bad that he had to run all the way out here to getaway. He felt stupid for coming all the way out here and not having the self-control to contain his feelings. Even now as Bull clutched his pillow smelling already of trees and dust, he longed for the ability to wrap his arms around Serena and bury himself in the scent of her shampoo. He longed for her proximity, even as it kills him from the inside out. He held himself tight but still felt cold, his chest is heavy like an anchor is on top of it even though he's lying curled on his side. Bull struggled to keep his sobbing quiet when it occurred that he could damn well scream his lungs out and no one would hear him.

Clenching his fists around his pillow, Bull tried screaming as loud as he could. It took some effort to get past the initial fear of disturbing the peace but he worked himself up to a loud growl, a guttural noise of pain. It didn't make him feel any better. It felt like empty air leaving him, his lungs no less full of the sorrow that was drowning him. Bull wanted to kill himself. He wanted to distract himself from the pain he feels contorting inside. He could just throw a punch against the wall or just break something. He got up and started working himself up almost ready to do something awful. Then someone yelled:

"Hey? Bull? You in there?"

Bull stopped in his tracks, forgetting his thoughts for a moment. He got up and yanked open the door. It was the face that he long desired.

"Serena?" he gaped. "What in Lord's heavens are you doing out here?"

"I made a choice to join you," she said, her voice wavered so much that it sparked hope in Bull's mind. "I don't know if it's the right one but I'm here. For you, Bull, I'm in love with you."

Bull barely heard anything she said because he thought he was dreaming, his ears were ringing and it was only when Serena stepped forward to kiss him that he realized it was not.