Chapter 58

Chapter 58
“I still don’t sleep well.”

Julian glanced over at me, his hand tightening slightly around mine. “Nightmares?”

“Sometimes,” I said. “But it’s not just that. It’s this… heaviness. Like even in rest, my body is bracing for something.”

“You’re still unlearning fear.”

I looked down at our hands. “How do you unlearn fear?”

“One breath at a time,” he said softly. “And not alone.”

I let out a slow sigh. “You say all the right things.”

“No,” he said. “I say the true things.”

I turned to him. “What if I never get better?”

“You already are.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” He lifted our entwined hands. “You didn’t flinch when I touched you.”

“I wanted to,” I admitted. “But I didn’t.”

“That’s a step.”

“It doesn’t feel like one.”

“It is.”

I laid my head on his shoulder. “I think I expect too much from myself.”

“Because you’ve been forced to carry more than anyone should.”

“I’m tired of carrying it.”

He pulled me closer. “Then let me help.”

I closed my eyes. “You already are.”

We sat in silence for a while, the soft sounds of the fire filling the space between us. Then I spoke again.

“Do you think I’m dangerous?”

Julian didn’t move. “No.”

“I killed him.”

“You freed yourself.”

“I felt nothing,” I whispered. “I thought I’d feel guilt. Or fear. But I didn’t. I just… ended him.”

He looked at me. “Because you made peace with your decision before you lifted that blade.”

“Does that make me a monster?”

“It makes you a survivor.”

“What if I don’t want to be just a survivor anymore?”

He met my gaze. “Then we build a life. One that doesn’t just exist. One that breathes.”

I stared at him. “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“Start with now,” he said. “This moment.”

“Okay.”

“What do you want, Ana?”

I thought about it. “I want to stop hurting.”

He nodded. “Then let’s start there.”

“And I want to stop questioning every good thing.”

“Then I’ll remind you they’re real until you believe it on your own.”

“I want to love you without guilt.”

“You already do,” he said. “The guilt is just the shadow left behind.”

“I want to believe I deserve peace.”

Julian placed his hand over my heart. “Then we protect it, fiercely.”

I leaned into him. “I want to believe that the past doesn’t own me.”

He kissed the top of my head. “It doesn’t. Not anymore.”

“I want to feel safe in my own skin again.”

“You will.”

“I want to wake up and not feel afraid.”

“You will.”

“I want to trust myself again.”

“You can.”

I looked up at him, a tear slipping down my cheek. “I’m so tired of needing to be saved.”

Julian’s voice broke. “Then let me stop saving you. Let me just love you.”

I threw my arms around him, holding him so tightly I thought we might shatter together.

He didn’t pull away.

He just held me, silently, like I was the only thing he’d ever hold.

And in that moment, I knew.

I wasn’t healing alone anymore.