She Left

The day passes in a haze, and that night at dinner, the table buzzes with news about the house’s newest recruit, Jayvie. He and Ren seem to be hitting it off pretty well.

Eloise waited until dessert before she shared her news with the house. Bryan is watching her. She thinks he’s worried about her leaving, but she will be all right.

Nicholas is to her left, not eating, just nursing his drink. She won’t let the hurt in—yet—not until she is behind closed doors by herself. They’ll never be okay with her leaving if she shows weakness now.

She stands, feeling slightly lightheaded, and clears her throat as the hum around the table dies, and all eyes fall on her.

“What’s up, Eloise?” Dyke asks, cocking his head to the left.

She smiled and said, “Uhm, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I’ve been through a lot, and if it weren’t for all of you, I wouldn’t have made it. But, as they say, all good things must end. You caught the bad guys, and now I’m free.”

She tries to make a joke, but instead, her eyes water. “So, I got myself a little place in town, near Hermes and Gail’s, so you will be officially Eloise-free shortly.”

It’s hard to watch their faces drop and see their eyes flicking from Nicholas and back to her. He is staring intently at his drink.

Ren is the first to speak, breaking the painful silence. “But is it safe?”

“If she stays in Redstone, she should be fine,” Hermes says softly. “We’ll keep an eye on her. Jack will too.”

Edson shakes his head, looking pissed off. “You don’t have to go, Eloise. None of us want you to leave.”

“That’s very sweet, Edson,” she says, feeling the pain ooze through the cracks in her armor, making her angry. “But I’m a city girl, remember. I don’t belong here.”

“Nicholas,” Edson pleads, “say something.”

“He’s said enough,” she interrupted, wanting to go upstairs. “Look, everyone, and you are the family I never had. I’m only in town. You’ll still see me all the time. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. You can return to being the heroes and knights for another person in the world.”

Bryan shakes his head at Ren, who is about to make a comment. She decided to end on a light note before she made her exit. “Just watch your back because you never know when Agent Black will return.”

John laughs, breaking the tension at the table. Edson smiles, but she can tell he’s not happy.

A glance at the clock shows it’s two a.m. Sleep doesn’t seem to be happening for her. Her bags are packed with everything Anna got for her when she arrived at the house, and they are already loaded in the SUV.

She was not supposed to leave until tomorrow afternoon but needs to get out now. Nicholas won’t speak or even look at her, and the pain is unbearable.

She wants to leave now. Yes, she was running, but she couldn’t help it this time. Dressing quickly and making the bed, she takes one last look around her room, remembering the first day she arrived.

How scared she was, how lonely she felt. She didn’t think she was going to make it. She remembers the first time Nicholas touched, kissed, and made love to her in the shower.

A small smile comes to her lips, saying goodbye because if she doesn’t smile, she will cry, and she is not ready to yet.

Her boots seem loud as she walks down the hallway. She grabbed a pair of car keys from John’s jacket but quickly tucked them back in when she saw headlights light up the entryway.

She stepped outside just as the passenger window rolled down. She knew who it was; he must have been waiting. She climbed in the front seat, giving Bryan a guilty smile.

“I knew you’d leave in the night.” He turns the heated seats up and heads for the first gate.

She watches as the massive cabin that was once her safe house grows smaller in the mirror. A part of her heart wants to run back…but wants Nicholas, not the place. But he doesn’t want her.

“Say something funny,” she muttered to Bryan, who squinted as he tried to figure out her headspace.

“Uhm,” he moves his eyes back and forth while he tries to think, “Like what?”

She stared at the woods whipping by the window, and suddenly it came to her.

“Is Code Forty-Five a real code?”

Bryan chuckles. “A few years ago, we had a case where we were retrieving five women from a drug mule container just over the border of Texas and Mexico. We had a meet-up with one of our teams that’s mainly stationed in TJ. They had a recruit with them, and three days camping out on a mountain ridge will make you go a little squirrely.”

He moves his gaze to the mirror and ensures she is still listening.

“The kid thought he knew everything about being on our teams. By now, you should know how well Nicholas likes cocky people.”

He turns with a shit-eating grin. “So, we messed with him a little. When we returned to Washington to give our statements and whatnot, Gregory tested what he learned in the field.”

Bryan pauses to laugh. “It took everything in our power not to burst out in laughter as he explained to Gregory that he Code Forty-Fived one of the women.”

“What did Gregory do?”

“He asked him to explain what he was talking about, and the kid just went on and on about all these codes he was taught.”

He drops his head forward and hits the steering wheel as the memory lives on.

Eloise smirked a little. If this story was told any other time, she was sure she would see its complete humor.

“But I guess the joke is on us.” Bryan clears his throat to regain his composure. “We used it so much for a laugh that now we use it as an actual code.”

She folded her arms, slightly unamused with his story. “Have you used it on anyone else besides me?”

She could see his cheeks puff out like he was grinning.

“You guys suck.”

“Maybe,” he catches her gaze in the mirror again, “but it made you laugh, so…” He shrugs.

True. They settle back into silence, and she let her mind move back to her heartbreak.

She forced her eyes to look forward. She must move forward and not look back.

Nicholas sits on the bed's edge, gripping Christine's unopened letter. He knows what it says, what they always say.

She wants him back, they are perfect for one another, and she can’t live without him.

The fact that she gave it to Eloise makes him uneasy. He doesn’t trust Christine, and her behavior is becoming more aggressive. No doubt, she was hoping Eloise would read the letter.

She’d fed her a fake dinner story as it was. He wants to toss it in the fire and watch those memories of her burn away, but something stops him, and he decides to keep it along with all the others as evidence in case she tries to pull something later.

“Knock, knock,” his mother whispers at his open door. She is wearing her robe. “May I?”

“Sure.” He watches her as she walks across the room and sits in his leather chair beside the fire, warming her hands with a little sigh.

“Please don’t be upset with me for helping Eloise find an apartment.”

Nicholas tosses the letter on his nightstand and leans back against his headboard. “I’m not angry. I’m just hurt that she wants to leave me. We worked so hard to stay together, and she takes it the first moment she gets a chance to leave.”

“You think that’s what happened?” she asks, shaking her head. “Dear, she didn’t want to leave; she had to leave.”

Nicholas makes a face, not following.

“We had a long talk over lunch today. She loves you more than anything, Nicholas. She left because she was feeling lost within herself. She left to make herself stronger so both of you could work as a couple. Don’t be selfish with her. She needs this time to find out who she is.”

Nicholas closes his eyes; he’s such an asshole. This is the second time he’s let his emotions get the better of him, and he lashed out at her. “I thought she was breaking up with me earlier, so I did it first,” he says softly, covering his face in shame.

Fuck!

“Well, that explains it. Oh, dear, you have so much to learn about women.” She whistles and leans back in the seat.

Nicholas swings his legs off the bed. “Explains what?”

“Why she left in the middle of the night.”

“What?” he nearly shouts. “She’s gone?”

His mother moves to sit next to him. “Bryan took her.” She places her hand on his knee, stopping him before he interrupts. “Give her a few days, Nicholas. Let her settle in, then go make it up to her. She’s not going anywhere. Remember, we have eyes and ears all over that town. She’ll be all right.”

Nicholas stares at the fire, listening to his mother and knowing she is right, but his gut tells him to run to her, wanting to hold her tight and keep her safe.

“Your father and I are incredibly proud of the man you’ve become, Nicholas, but love is fragile, and sometimes you must leave it alone before you can hold it again.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Mom.”

“I know, but that’s why we’re here to help.” She gently rubs his back like she used to do when he was a boy.

They sit for a long time, listening to the fire pop as he slowly relaxes and lets the realization settle that Eloise needs space from the house, from the guys, from him.

“She’s my everything,” he finally says with a catch in his voice. “I love her, Mom.”

“I know you do, son.” She kisses his cheek softly. “And you’ll get her back.”

“Yeah, I will,” he said.